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| Blogs > itzchic824 > The Voices Inside |
Need some advice, from guys especially
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Need some advice, from guys especially I want to make it clear I'm not all OMG I love him, just need some advice. Met this guy on here, we never really specified if we'd like more. He said he wanted a fwb where there was a connection. Which we definitely have. We have so much in common, hell more than my ex and I had. We are very similar in personality. Don't get me wrong, we have differences, but it's just like he is the perfect guy. Now I know he's not actually perfect, but just everything I've wanted in a guy is him. We've only known each other about a month, so it's probably way too soon, but I need to know if it'd be ok to bring up possibly actually becoming a couple? I just don't want to scare him away. Because if he doesn't want more then I don't want to push him out of my life. But my one friend said I'll be sorry if I don't bring it up and then he finds someone else. I don't think he's against a relationship, just not what he figured he'd find on here. Plus he is now not on here anymore, but we still talk and see each other. I also don't think he is seeing anyone else like me (sexually). Plus he said flat out I was the only one he'd met from here. Anyway, I don't need sarcastic remarks about this being a sex site. I wasn't actively looking for more than fwb, but he just came along and I can't even describe how well we click and get along. I don't want to go into a ton more detail, but just by things he said, like he plans on keeping me in his life, it leads me to believe he'd like more but doesn't want to bring it up. I have hinted that should he find a gf even if him and I would stay friends, it would definitely be hard for me. He said don't think about that and what if I would find a bf first? So, can you guys (especially the men) give me some advice? Should I bring up being more, should I wait? I just don't know. I could probably be in love with him, seems I may be heading that way, but it's too early to be. But like I said, I really like him and he is my ideal for a guy. Plus I haven't had the urge for a relationship in years. But he makes me want to be in one with him. Not to mention I don't want any other woman touching him.  I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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Just blurt out that you'd be interested in more with him... if he doesn't, well you have saved yourself some heartache and a bunch of time... if he is in to it... then you've hit your jackpot. Ultimately time is not infinite and you don't have all the time in the world to find what you want. You do have time to be patient and not rush, you don't have so much time that you can just waste it on someone who doesn't hold the same level of interest as you do. And that is no matter how much you 'want' it to work. Do yourself a favour and don't let your emotions decide on whether or not you ask a question you want answers to, let your emotions help you with the answers you get. I hope that is helpful, good luck and I really hope it works out the way you want. 
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I'd say ask him something along the lines of what he thinks of relationships. Don't say you and him. He'll know that's what you're hinting at anyway. If he says positive things you can probe further, ask if he'd like to see you exclusively. If he is negative, it gives a polite out without putting him in the position of having to say no and you can continue as is if you want. Just a caution, my experience is these arrangements go south whether you push it or not if one side develops feelings that the other doesn't match. I wish you luck and hope he's looking at you in the same way!
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There's nothing wrong with asking him outright if he's seeing anyone else. That leads up to asking him if he's interested in seeing you exclusively. There's nothing wrong with seeing one person only so that you have the time to focus on that one person to see what is there. Love doesn't necessarily have to be in place or agreed upon for that to happen. Either the guy can commit to just you, or not. I know you're nervous about it, but this the the conversation that you need to have. There's no way of getting around it, unless you intend on waiting and hoping that he finally initiates this conversation with you. The bottom line is, you're both adults and this isn't high school. If you're not ready to be clear about what you want, then you're just wasting your time. Go for it sweetie. The "Gentleman"
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"everything i've wanted in a guy is him"...so tell him he's the most man you've ever met....and you would like to be his woman. not easy to leave yourself vunerable to rejection but sometimes it's worth it...good luck
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First... WOOHOO!!!! Way to go!!! I agree with Koffla... way too soon to bring it up. He mentioned at the start he was only looking for a FWB and from a guy's perspective, I don't think a month is long enough for him to start thinking he may be ready for more. You both are still learning about each other. The "couple" talk could back him into a corner thinking you're leaving him with only two options... go couple or split. Is that what you intend? Patience, patience, patience. Let the relationship grow naturally without the urge to rush. Enjoy what you have now and let it build. After some time, his goals will probably change to a more traditional couple.
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Why do you have to tell him anything? Why not just enjoy being with each other? From his point of view he's having fun with you, he's enjoying being with you... why does he want to change anything? If things progress then they will progress - you can't hurry him by telling him what you want from him. But if he enjoys spending time with you then that is what he will do... and the more time he spends with you the more natural it will be for him to want to be with you... Softly, softly, catchee monkey!
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9/13/2014 6:59 am |
Like some others, glad you have found someone... and on this site no less (I personally ain't found diddly). I don't like to give advice, cuz I certainly wouldn't take my own. That being said... honesty is the best policy. Don't check the calendar to see how long it has been, check your heart. Then check-in with his. A discussion with him can be no worse than wondering, can it?
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If a woman asked me to renegotiate the terms of a relationship after only a month, it would trigger "bait and switch" alarms. I would wonder if she was telling the truth about what she wanted at the start. To me it sounds like your thinking may be a bit clouded by infatuation intoxication. It's great to enjoy those feelings, but I would suggest putting them aside from time to time, to focus on getting to know him as a total person. When you know him better, you will have a better idea of when and how to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.
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and now ringing in with the tigers point of view: WAIT GIRL ~ it's ok to feel like you do, why not hold on to that feeling & enjoy it as long as possible? Let him come to you if that is his choice. So many times in life we find what we need & want to latch on, when really we need to just enjoy it and see what comes with it. What comes with it is learning to trust each other, which in 1 months time do you trust him with every aspect of your life? I bet he doesnt with you yet, and that's what being a couple is about - trust. p.s. I'm so glad you found someone wonderful! your gorgeous ~ All female and born this way ~!
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First it's awesome you found someone to have this kind of fun/connection with. Second, I'd approach further conversation on the topic you've raised very delicately. If your current situation was setup as a FWB, and very recently. It would be a long shot that he has changed his mind already on wanting more. You appear to have already laid out your feelings and he didn't jump at the bait. "I have hinted that should he find a gf even if him and I would stay friends, it would definitely be hard for me. He said don't think about that and what if I would find a bf first?" Now bear in mind guys aren't always on top of things with subtlety, but to me... this says you've told him about your attachment, and he seems to have positive hopes that you'll find a man to have a more traditional relationship with. Al that being said, the question you must ask/answer for yourself is... Is this FWB relationship with possibly ruining because you want it to be more? It's true you can only live once, and the other trite truisms that have appeared. However if you guys hit it off personality wise really well, as indicated, then a real friendship could flourish there, with benefits no less, leading to further growth. I'd give it time for it to grow more, let the lustful quality die down a bit, then revisit. Just an optimistic 2 cents...
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I would hold back for a little while longer before you say anything. If he wants more, he'll say or make noises to that effect. But a month is not long to have a serious conversation when you have a fwb relationship at the moment.
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Don't press the relationship along into becoming a couple exclusively, just let evolve into what will become. Don't get me wrong you can steer it in directions, but be subtle about it. Every relationship I've been in that tuned into something more just happened, all on its own.  Greater Than The Sum Of My Constituent Parts!
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