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| Blogs > HardOne4Show > Laying it on the online |
A recent change...
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A recent change... I don't know where it came from or what may have been the cause of it, but a few days ago there was a dramatic change in my life. No it wasn't some outside event, but something internal changed. And I noticed. I've always been a student of "people" and very understanding of and towards them. I also know how difficult it is for a person to change something essential within them self, even knowing "people" in the way that I do. So for a change so dramatic as this, to happen so suddenly was honestly mind-blowing. I woke up, pretty much the same as every morning, except perhaps a bit happier than usual. Went through my usual routine before work, and was off to it. It took me a bit, but I realized that people were acting different around me. It was subtle, but I noticed. I realized that I was walking different, seemed to keep a slight (and I mean slight) grin on my face, and talking a bit different. I don't know how I noticed these changes, as we are all very rarely self-aware of our behavior at any one moment, but I did. And I LOVED it. I've always been one of those guys, women just kind of looked through, barely noticed. They knew I was there, but it was almost like I was more of a shadow than anything. That day though, was very different with them, and I noticed that too. They kept looking me up and down, smiling. Winking at me. I was working at a table, admittedly taking just about all of it up, when one came up to me and said "What do you think this is YOUR table or something?" I looked at her slowly, cocked an eyebrow and grinned, "YEP, every bit of it." Her mouth dropped, it was slight, but it happened. She closed her eyes for a moment, seeming unsure how to reply before saying with a smile, "I don't think so". I just smiled. Later, another woman I've chit-chatted with before, seemed to aggressively want to keep my attention, and I hardly said anything to her. Then a third, came out of her way, a while after I had spoken to her, to speak to me. It hit me that she did it, because she had wanted to be sure I noticed her. lol... I was BLOWN away. Women had never reacted to me this way, and I enjoyed it to no end. The next day, unfortunately, things were somewhat back to normal. Not all the way normal, just somewhat. I spent what time I could thinking through my behavior, attitude, etc. Everything, of the day before, trying to understand the difference. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I know it came from somewhere within. And now that I know its certainly there, I just have to work on drawing it back out and keeping it ongoing. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I'm more determined than anything to be that way again. I'm not asking for anyone to try to explain it, or anything. I'd like to rediscover it for myself, especially since, now, I know 100% for sure that its in me. I would like to know, how many others out there have had such a moment happen to them. What was it like for you? Where did it happen? Did it stay with you, fade from you, what? |
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