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My life 2...
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My life 2... November, has been a bit depressing for me for a few years now. Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for everything. It was just during this time of year, that I lost someone extremely special and dear to me. My Grandma. She pretty much raised me. Always wanted only the best for me, but was more determined that I grow into a good man and person than just giving me things. Even though its been 12 years since she passed, I still miss her so much. I regret that she never got to meet the woman that would become my wife, and that I hadn't told her I was going to be a father. If I could have anything I wished for come true, it would be that I could show my to her. She would love him as much as I do. Those holidays that year, were some of the darkest in my life. It wasn't until my was born in the February after, that I was able to start letting her go. My ... He's changed my life. As a baby, he often slept on my chest when I napped during the day. (I worked a late shift, and she worked days) There was once that I was suffering from an inflammation in the lining around my lungs. I could hardly sleep, couldn't lay flat at all, and could hardly breath. He got sick one night. Had an awful fever. In spite of the pain and exhaustion I was feeling from it, I stayed up the entire night letting him lay on my chest, and keeping him cooled with a damp washcloth. In spite of the physical misery I had suffered, I would happily go through it all again for him. Lol... now, he's starting to get taller. He's in the Boy Scouts. Great grades in school, except for that slipping grade in math. And just a fantastic all around. My wife tolerates a lot from me. She knows I have a profile on here and that I come on looking and browsing. She knows I've talked with other ladies. But most importantly, she knows I'll keep my hands to myself. She does feel jealous and a bit angry about it sometimes. She knows my desires and interests. But she also knows my passwords. I don't hide anything from her.  So, she puts up with me. Have I met anyone off of LesbianPersonals? But, with one or two exceptions, only in public. And with those exceptions, I wouldn't let anything happen, because I know how it would hurt her. I'm sure that there are some that will say 'bullshit'. Yeah, I may have wanted to, and been able to punch a hole in steel plate with my hard on when I left; but, I have to do what's right if I want her to keep trusting me. That means walking away. I've tried to help her understand my sexual side for years. She just can't quite understand it all, even though I know she wants to. She doesn't get the emotional connection. Sometimes, I don't either. She knows that I would like her to bring a woman to me sometime, for my pleasure. She knows that at times, I would like her to be part of it, others to sit back and watch, and some to just leave us be. Then there's the part of me that she could tell you, wants her to share me with other women. NOT for my pleasure, but their use and enjoyment, whether I got sexual satisfaction out if it or not. As if I were just a plaything to be used and thrown away.(If that makes any sense to you)She smiles at knowing I would love to make love to her with the whole world watching, though she could never do it. She laughs about how I'd love to be made a toy at an all girl party. Not laughing in a mean way. Just laughing. She has told me a few times that she wishes she could find it in her to do those things, but she likes knowing she has me to herself too much. And I've promised not to do anything without her permission. I'm a pretty lucky man, all in all. later. |
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