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Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind

You asked for it, my scary  

peekabooicu2ucme 46F
3728 posts
8/23/2009 3:21 pm
You asked for it, my scary
Today I hate myself. I hate my weakness, my lonliness, my pathetic feelings and emotions. I hate that I am a failure. I hate that I am tired. I hate that I am scared. I hate everything about myself that makes me want to reach out, yet not willing to. I hate the images that rot in my brain. I hate that I want to push everyone that loves me away. I hate that I want to crawl into bed and not wake up. I hate that I long to be held but will ask no one to hold me. I hate my stupid pride. I hate my tears that burn behind my eyes.I hate that I want to scream and yell and hit and fight. I hate that I want to give up. I hate that I need anyone or anything. I hate the burning feeling that pushes through my veins and through my heart. I hate that I don't feel good enough, inadequate, usless. I hate every hot breath that pushes from my lungs. I simply wish to stop hurting, stop hating, to feel happiness again. But I am burning my happiness on a pyre of pain. I throw each memory on it and taint each one with anger and hurt. I poison every moment with doubt and sarcasm that cuts deeper with each passing slice. The depths of my despair are dizzying to behold standing on the edge, ready to slip, to fall, to crash.
But I have hope. I have hope that tomorrow will not seem so bleak. I have hope that I can find my happiness. I have knowlege that I am not what I feel today. I have blessings in my life that make me realize that it's not as bad as the moment seems. That it will pass. And so I breathe, and wait for the moments of anger, pain and frustration and self loathing to pass.

Come visit me too peekabooicu2ucme
englishman68 55M
2387 posts
8/24/2009 12:54 am

 Hey hun things will get better. your a top woman with a hell of alot going for you god i wish i could come over and squeeze you and hold you tight, and let you fall asleep in my arms but hey you have some wonderful little ones running around so stop and take a look at them and think wow! yeah i'm special and a great mum. Ps iv'e just done a blog on happiness and extacy take a read, if you want to talk email me my shoulder is here lots Cxxxxxx
Truth,kindness and respect is what i give,and thats all i ask in return

How to treat the ladies There39s a right way and a wrong way


peekabooicu2ucme 46F
4530 posts
8/24/2009 12:06 pm

 Thanks for the kind words everyone. It's the days I'm down that I feel this way. Luckily they're farther apart than they used to be. I'm a tough chick, I'll get through all of them to the happy side sooner than not. I've gotten pretty good at finding my happy. Though anyone that wants to send me some is always appreciated.
Come visit me too peekabooicu2ucme


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