Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Inside my head
|
Inside my head You wouldn't know it from chatting with me, or listening to my rants, reading my thoughts, or hearing about some of the things I've done, but I'm kind of a a quiet person most of the time. I don't go around just running my mouth off for the sake of it usually, and when I do speak, it's usually because I've thought about what I want to say for awhile. But I'm always thinking something. Often several somethings. There are occasions where I go completely blank, but they're rare.  I'm not afraid to talk about anything. Be it personal, disgusting, embarrassing, make me look terrible, whatever. I can and will discuss it in detail and with much depth. The trick is to get me there. I can and do bounce around in any place I feel completely at ease, loud, happy, smiling and making jokes, completely unafraid of anything. That's a far cry from where I was, to where I am now. I used to be an incredibly shy person. I used to cry when strangers talked to me. I hid at home as much as I could. I hated going out and meeting new people and doing new things. I was constantly terrified, of nothing. Luckily that moment in time passed long ago, but I still feel a bit socially awkward sometimes. Especially in public places. Maybe I have a phobia. I'm not really sure. I don't even know quite what it is. I just don't feel relaxed completely. No matter whom I'm with. I can fake it pretty well I think. But maybe that makes me appear to be someone or something I'm not. I don't usually care much about what people think of me anymore, I know who and what I am, but it does sometimes concern me that I am mislabeled so often. It takes a lot of time and effort really to get to know me well. Sometimes I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking because I don't want a bad reaction to my thoughts, and so I say nothing. And I don't really know where this fear comes from. I have nerve, I have balls, I have gumption, whatever you want to call it. I just don't always act upon it. I'm impulsive as hell. I send messages and phone calls and emails and call people out when I wish to. But other times I'm silent. I wear what I want to, I do my hair and make up as I wish, I put on whatever jewelery amuses me, and I don't worry too much about my looks. I am who I am, I like who I see mostly in the mirror, and let's face it, beauty will always fade. I'm more concerned with whom I am on the inside, though of course I hope I'm easy on the eyes mostly. Everyone wants to be somewhat attractive. I think I am, but I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, which is fine also. I'm also very good at psyching myself out, making mountains out of mole hills, imagining things that may or may not be true, and assuming the worst. Self sabotage? Yep, I got that. I read somewhere that everyone feels self doubt and self conscious to a degree. I really hope that's true. I'm so good at giving advice sometimes, but following it can be hard for me to do. I know what I should be doing, I see the right path(s), but it's hard as hell to make myself take it/them. There it is, my confession. I'm not nearly as together as I sometimes appear to be.  But I'm working on it bit by bit every day. I get by with a little help from my friends sometimes, but I do get by. And somehow I manage to make new friends from time to time. Perhaps it's because they see me as human, flawed and messed up just like the rest of us all. Or maybe they see something worth being kind to, and appreciate my kindness in return. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it. And I hope that the really worthwhile ones can see my flaws, like me anyways, and stick around. |
|||
9/16/2009 11:49 am |
your writ e you dont seem like you would be a quite person
| ||
9/16/2009 12:02 pm |
| ||
|
your writ e you dont seem like you would be a quite person Welcome!
| ||
|
Thanks for the thought.
| ||
9/16/2009 1:40 pm |
I think that when we stop seeing ourselves as being flawed, having imperfections and working on them, that is when we have really big problems...the ones who think they have reached perfection are only fooling themselves. Us flawed ones know better.  H. 
| ||
|
Thats what i love about you Axxxxx your not afraid to speak let things out and share with us, but also help us when in need and give good advise, a proper real friend,got to thank you for that Truth,kindness and respect is what i give,and thats all i ask in return How to treat the ladies There39s a right way and a wrong way
| ||
|
 Oh,what to say?I've been accused of being shy,because I chose my words.Although I can at times open up and ramble on about nothing,,, LesbianPersonals Parody Of a Real Sex Site 
| ||
|
Of course it's easier to write about issues than to speak them. It's something I've done since I was a little kid, write down my problems and either walk away from them, or figure out how to speak them to whom I needed to. There have been times when not wanting to be interrupted or misunderstood where I have written exactly what I'm thinking and or feeling and just given it to a person, so that there would be communication that was clear and not fumbled through. I also have a somewhat quiet voice. I've spoken and not been heard at all. It's something I'm working on. 
| ||
|
Thats what i love about you Axxxxx your not afraid to speak let things out and share with us, but also help us when in need and give good advise, a proper real friend,got to thank you for that
| ||
|
Oh,what to say?I've been accused of being shy,because I chose my words.Although I can at times open up and ramble on about nothing,,, Glad I'm not the only one.
| ||
|
I have no shy children. Their dad is very loud, I blame him. My children will run up to strangers in the store and hug them or just talk about anything. I'm learning from them, but it's a process.
|
Become a member to create a blog
