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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Can you believe it?
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Can you believe it? I realized something the other day, I've been blogging for just over a year here.  Kinda odd looking back at the past year and seeing all that has happened and all that has changed.  I've always been the kind of person that evolves and changes, flowing with the events of things, never afraid to reinvent myself to be who I need to be. I've fought change, feared it, cried over it, but I always move beyond all of that and go on.I think as long as you learn along the way, no experience is a waste, no matter how insignificant it may seem, how painful, how embarrassing, how frightening. Everything that happens around us, to us, to those we care about, to those we don't, they're all opportunities to grow ourselves, if only we recognize it, and apply it. The changes I've seen here are different as well. People have come and gone, some to reappear, some not. I've written and read some very personal stuff, and some just silly fun. There have been posts that have brought a tear to my eye, and some that have made me laugh long and hard, and even share with others. I've gotten some of the most offensive messages, and some of the nicest. I've made real friends, some online, some off. I've seen some silly scandalous stuff. But that's just the same everywhere I suppose. People pretending to be whom they're not. Eh, it's online, gotta take a grain of salt with everything someone says for the most part. Seen a lot of people take offense to being labeled. Eh, I don't much care what people call me, I know who I am and who I am not. To each their own triggers though I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I get why some were so upset, I personally just don't upset easily. I guess I'm just kinda rambling on now, reminiscing about it all. The last night I worked I saw something that made me incredibly sad. I don't feel the same way about each of my residents. Some I like a lot, some I tolerate, some I dislike, some I just don't feel much of anything for, but I try to treat everyone with dignity and respect, and I always do my job to the best of my ability, regardless my feelings be they negative or positive. I've become much harder hearted over the years. I used to get very emotionally attached to a lot of my residents. It still happens from time to time, but not as much as it first did. The thing that got me was that I wasn't extremely attached to either of the people that I want to tell you a story of. But it still struck me in a way that I'm having a hard time dealing with. There was this married couple living at the nursing home, he was on the Alzheimer's unit, she on the floor above. They couldn't be on the same floor for many reasons, but they visited each other as often as they could. His mental decline wasn't so much that he didn't recognize her, and they always enjoyed seeing one another, just visiting and I imagine much reminiscing. He always kissed her goodbye when their visit was over. It was always such a sweet thing for me to see. There was so much tenderness in it. I could tell that they were truly each other's best friend, and obviously they were taking that "in sickness and in health" part seriously. Saturday morning I saw him up on her floor visiting and smiled a little to myself thinking that I'm glad they can still see each other, I'm glad that they still have each other. I remember thinking that I really want that kind of deep companionship and familiarity with someone that it will last beyond the passion, beyond the lust, beyond everything, until all there is would be that sweet friendship. Sunday morning at 3am their sons and came onto her floor to pick her up. He had been shipped to the hospital suddenly and he hadn't made it. They knew that she'd want to say her goodbyes to him before he was picked up to go to the funeral home. I swear I could hear her heart break. I got thinking that having that kind of love, or any for that matter, means that someday it will end, that it will be lost. But it will not stop me from enjoying what I do have, what I may have in the future, and even looking back fondly on some of the love I have had, even though it did not last. Happy year everyone, I've enjoyed it immensely.    |
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That's really sad. I guess things like this are bound to effect you, even though you aren't necessarily attached to your residents.
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Working as staff in health care, I pick up stories like this one - and also stories about persons being in such decline that they cannot live their spouses.  <- Profile photo courtesy of Bonding with coworkers
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4/21/2010 5:28 pm |
Aint empathy a bitch. The stronger the love, the bigger the loss, the harder the rebound. Some people can find a strength in the love that was, some crumble, but nothing ever really changes. I've always wanted to find the person who came up with the line "It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all" and kick him in his nuts until my foot was finally stopped by his chin. I guess the lucky ones are the ones that go first. I guess it's better to be remembered than to remember.
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This post is very moving, it shows the depth of your character so well. You are a fine person, your kind of integrity and honor is rare. It is hard work that you do, heart breaking, but so much more rewarding. It is honorable to give people dignity in their final years. "Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson  
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4/22/2010 1:10 pm |
Jenny had a similar reaction when she left her job to go back to school. She worked with handicapped adults and became attached to most of them. It really hit her hard when she finally decided to quit and finish her education. She still misses them and tries to see them when she can.
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That's really sad. I guess things like this are bound to effect you, even though you aren't necessarily attached to your residents.
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Thanks DD.  I think so too.
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Working as staff in health care, I pick up stories like this one - and also stories about persons being in such decline that they cannot live their spouses. 
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Me too. You're welcome!
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Aint empathy a bitch. The stronger the love, the bigger the loss, the harder the rebound. Some people can find a strength in the love that was, some crumble, but nothing ever really changes. I've always wanted to find the person who came up with the line "It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all" and kick him in his nuts until my foot was finally stopped by his chin. I guess the lucky ones are the ones that go first. I guess it's better to be remembered than to remember.  I dunno, I've always said it'd be easier to be a widow than an ex, but maybe that's just because of the way things ended up. 
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We never know how things are going to end up, and maybe that's a good thing or we'd be too afraid of the pain to move forward and to actually live while still alive.
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This post is very moving, it shows the depth of your character so well. You are a fine person, your kind of integrity and honor is rare. It is hard work that you do, heart breaking, but so much more rewarding. It is honorable to give people dignity in their final years.  Well gosh, thanks! I do find my job rewarding, I don't think I could find any joy in a job that was just a job.
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It just kills me when my residents mental health declines so much that they cry for their parents or a loved one that I know has already passed. 
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Yeah, but it still sucks to lose it. Cover your nuts. And Thanks! 
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I know, right! You're welcome. And I'll keep hoping for it, and keep my eyes and heart open. You just never know.  Thanks! It has been fun!
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Jenny had a similar reaction when she left her job to go back to school. She worked with handicapped adults and became attached to most of them. It really hit her hard when she finally decided to quit and finish her education. She still misses them and tries to see them when she can. But I think empathy should be a job requirement in that kind of work.
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