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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Oh brother
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Oh brother My oldest brother lit the way for me when I was younger in a lot of ways. He was the one that made the path for the rest of my siblings and myself really. He was the one to get my dad's vein on the side of his head to throb more often than not, and to get all the laughing whether it was appropriate or not. He was the bold one, the trail blazer, the rebel. I always looked up to him, yet I never idolized him, and always realized when he was fucking up. He did that a lot. He hadn't spoken to me for 2 years until just the other day. We'd gone long times before not speaking for one reason or another, usally having to do with one of his ex-wives and the oddity of their situation at those different times and the complexity of whatever he was going through at the time, yet we've always been there for each other when it really counted. He stopped speaking to me when I let my ex back into my life for that short time, and even though I realized my mistake, he felt I was being whorish I guess, and just plain stupid and he didn't want to watch it. I don't hold a grudge about it, but it did hurt. He's the brother that had the most impact on me over the years really, and he's the one with the most "issues" as well I suppose. We've often talked about how when he's about to fuck up how instead of putting the brakes on he just hits the gas and will either crash into that wall or bust through it. I get that from him I guess, though I've tried to learn from his mistakes. We both have big hearts that damage easily, as we don't let a lot of people in. When we do and they hurt us it's always badly and devastating. He has 2 boys, 13 and 14 full time. They're good boys, really, smart, handsome and just really good . I used to watch them when they were younger and I often miss them when it's been some time since I've seen them. Something that worries me about him though is that his liver is almost gone from years of very heavy drinking. I know that there's nothing I can do about this, and I recognize the potential in myself to become addictive as we do have similar personalities on some points. We're both perverted as hell, we both fall hard when we fall, and we both are unconditional when we do fall. Yet he has religion holding him back and hurting him in ways that I haven't felt for many years. He has faith, yet it pains him in ways that I can't help him with. I had him and the boys over for dinner Sunday night, and it was later than I'd wanted it to be, but it was nice to share those moments. I took the boys swimming today and had a good time. It's nice to mend fences and such, and to see them all back in my life. I just hope that it's a more permanent thing than it has been in the past as the parting isn't sweet sorrow, it's just sorrow. Family is always complicated isn't it...  As promised here's a picture of the mountain we hiked on Friday. I'll be putting more up on the Face place once I get a better connection.   |
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I hope you get to see your brother and his boys more often now that you've bonded again.
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8/24/2010 11:56 pm |
Those are some great shots of the green mountains. I should really take a good hike in Vermont one of these days. I've done a few four thousand footers in NH. I guess I'm missing quite a bit there in Vermont.
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