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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Before and after
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Before and after I've been spending a lot of time in my own head lately thinking about history and figuring myself out a little more, sifting through the damage done and pulling the good stuff out to be polished. It occured to me that each relationship has had a beginning and an end and that I was a slightly different person at each point. Naive to broken adult. Newly discovered and completely renovated adult to mother with much abusive damage emotionally. Hardened and jaded single mother looking to use as id been used, to the most dysfunctional moments of my life. Uncertain and scared woman settling for something I knew to be undesired to a confident woman ready to just be and play and have fun. Completely blindsided by promises and dreams that I had hoped for and believed in as a young girl, to blindsided by lies and broken promises thinking I should have known better. To searching for a companion to spend some time with and finding a believably sincere widower that I'm falling for, but still feeling the pain of being fooled before. I've never been the kind of person that has tried to punish or gyp the next because of the last, but the more times I've heard the same words and promises from multiple men who either could not or would not deliver, the more the words themselves cause a reaction of instant disbelief. There is no fault here by the next in line, its purely a rememberance of the last few which completely unfair to the present. I want to believe and a part of me does, but the broken parts let some of the darkness in. I'm hoping that time will correct the hurt and pain done, and make those words not cause such an instant jagged tear to rip through me. Because in the end, hope is all I have left that has not been shattered.  |
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The broken parts may not mend completely but the damage is now mostly superficial  
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