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Dating in my late 40's...
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Dating in my late 40's... I'm not even sure why I write these blogs because nobody really reads them except my friend and maybe one other person. Yet, it's like keeping a journal, and at this point in my life, organizing my thoughts doesn't seem like a bad ideas because I've been through a lot in 2010 - truly, a lot - a very challenging difficult year. The most difficult of all, was losing my mom last May. She died so suddenly and unexpectedly that it blew me away! She was my very best friend the past few years since my divorce in 06 and I still think in my head that I need to call her and tell her such and such. But anyway,another much less difficult thing, but still heartbreaking, was breaking up with my boyfriend, which brings me to the point of my blog today. I didn't date too much after my separation in 05 and the divorce the year after. Maybe a few times I went out with someone, but they were mostly rebounds as I was still sad about the break-up of my marriage. Then I had this on and off friendship/relationship with a guy from Peru, which turned out that he wanted a green card and that was the end of that. Then for a couple years, I stopped dating. I was content to be with my and my family, even convinced myself that I would be ok being alone for the rest of my life. I got into some hobbies, got interested in some TV programs, started going out places with my mom and sister, and I was content. Then Ken came along...my ex-boyfriend. We developed a friendship which lasted for about 3 months. Then, all of a sudden, we were more than friends, but it was casual. nothing too serious. Another 6 months went by, we were hang-out buddies, friends with benefits, then it started to get serious. He told me he had feelings for me, he cared for me, blah, blah...well I had fallen in love with him. His girlfriend in P.R. was just that. A long distance relationship. They had problems. They hardly saw each other. She was unwilling to move here; he was not going to return there. Long-distance relationships don't work. He said his feelings were growing for me. The only shadow on our bliss was that HE wouldn't break up with HER. He wanted Her to break up with him. They had been separated for four years (with only visits) since he moved here, so it was bound to come. He told me that once it was over with her, he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me. I believed him. Then, it began to fall apart. She came here to visit him and he didnt respect my wishes and he chose her and I broke up with him. So now, I'm 46. I'm dating...and it's a whole new thing! I mean, men in their 40s or 50s are just set in what they want to do. Times have changed. So, 25 years ago, things weren't perfect. Guys wanted sex back then. But nowadays, maybe it's the middle-aged dating thing, it's expected. You know, what to do? I have to re-evaluate my morals and standards. Sure, I'm not perfect, or miss goody-goody or I wouldn't be here on LesbianPersonals. But how do you determine who really wants to be with you for who you are...or who just wants to have sex? Nothing is bad about sex. So, you have sex. But, then, that's all there is to it? I mean don't men want companionship too? Someone to do things with? go out and have fun? So, It's almost like you have 2 categories: you have to choose, who to have sex with because they just want sex. And who not to have sex with right away because you want to start a relationship with that person and get to know them better. But what's the point? Then, I lose the respect I have for myself. I would much rather that the sex be meaningful, than a just get together and do it kind of thing. So, it means I have to decide what I'm going to do...Set boundaries...or not. I read in a ladies magazine that almost all women have slept with their dates by date #7. Are you kidding me? It's hard to even get through date #3 before the man starts the nagging, "We're both adults here..." blah blah blah. Ok, so maybe it shouldn't be a number. Many factors come into play: how much you've talked on the phone, how well you communicate, how well the dates have gone, etc. So, in conclusion, I guess I can only say that I have to use my own best judgment. Try to put to use my best common sense (which I'm book smart but not really strong in common sense)! Take each date as it comes, so to speak. lol! TAT1964 |
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I am sorry for your rough year. I am not sure if there is a set date limit for what; I really believe it depends on the two and how much they are communicating. I do agree with you that even though this is a sex site, sex is not something that should be expected on a date. I am also not sure if there should be a set date limit as to what happens (second date: kiss; 4th date: making out 7th date: sex). I think nature should just take its course. Sadly, there are no rules of dating, and idiots and users will be there no matter how many datess it takes to get you in bed or wherever.
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