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| Blogs > khuXBFXM8u > The Down and Dirty |
Yeah, I’m talking about you!
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So here goes, and this is all meant respectfully- Quoting from comment made here by Author 51- " My post was a generalization and directed at no one.Why would I do that. Your responding post was directed at me.There was no need for a responding post at all.A responding comment on my blog would have sufficed." I often read other posts and come up with an idea for a post for my blog. In this instance, and I know you read and commented on that post, my response was waaaaaaaay too long. It would not have fit comfortably in a comment and made for a better post on my blog. Just as Khu made a post of it here, as this would have been too long for a comment, but made for an excellent post to engage others. That post was a response to your post, but in no way was a negative reflection of you or your blog. It was simply my opinion, stated on my blog. Once you commented on it, I even went back and edited it to reflect that you and I had a difference of opinion, but that I respected your opinion on your blog. Here it seems that you are taking offense with your comment here. You and I have talked since then, so I know that you are fine with it. I wrote in the original post that I thought it was great that you took the time to do it. I know that that post was not aimed at me or anyone particular person. The generalized "Stop being rude", but includes everyone. I have had men complain that my auto-response makes them mad. As Khu pointed out, it is a response of some kind and it is my effort to make sure that they are not left hanging. Which is what I think you were saying in your post. To not leave people hanging with no response. I hope that everyone, including you and Khu, know that having a difference of opinion does not mean that people hate on each other. Different colors of the rainbow and all that jazz, Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Yes, you are right. I tend to think like a teacher. Teachers are not above their students, so your assumption of that, is in my opinion, wrong. If you are giving out "gold stars" then that is a reward of sorts. My parameters are different than yours and will draw different types of people, neither better nor worse, just different. I respect the fact that you stated your opinion definitively. I stated mine, also, with no room for confusion. The fact is you will draw people that will appreciate every comment getting a response, as well as people who LOOOVEE Redheads with brilliant mischievous blue eyes. And I will draw people who won't expect a more personal response if they take the time to read my profile/blog/auto-response and like brunettes. And that is what is so great about being friends, you and I. We won't have a whole lot of overlap of beaus. Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Ooh...I am so guilty of not responding to all messages I get. I do try, honestly, at least the ones that are nice and polite. Messages with just a photo of a dick, or the ones that just say hi....I usually don't bother with. Same goes for those that have obviously not read my profile or those who are a tad too rude and crude. With that said....I am slowly getting through the messages. With me it's mostly lack of time. I do spend a lot of time blogging, and reading other blogs. I do reply to all my blog comments though. 
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An auto-responder is a response, all be it the bare minimum level of response. some can't even be bothered to extend that minimum level of civility! For a lot who do, unfortunately, just like with profiles, they put in the minimum level of effort into writing to effectively communicate. To their would be suitors the auto-response read like a "fuck off" letter. Let me expand on that. When you have applied for work, and received what we use to call "FOAD" (Fuck off and Die) letter... some letters make you feel like that actually read your resume, other not so much! If the letter is effective, you will bare no ill will toward the organization. Let me expand, further... the a good chunk of my career was as a senior manager in the hospitality, HR first, then operations. I use to teach customer theory to employees. Please don't get caught up in the lingo, I'm not implying that women are commodities! When you go to a store and you don't like who you are treated, you do what's called voting with your feet... you leave and you don't ever come back. But sometimes, you have no choice other than to endure the bad treatment, because there is no choice or you have paid your money, and you don't want to walk away from it. If you have had a bad experiences dealing with members of that organization... guess what your expectation is going into a repeat encounter? You are expecting another bad experience! Even if you try to approaching it in a positive way, sub-consciously you are waiting for the person you are engaged with, to say something that indicate it's going to be another bad experience. It's like a powder keg waiting to explode. On the flipside the customer service agent is tired of taking the abuse from someone who comes in hostile... so guess what they are doing? They are waiting for that first negative comment and they are read to go "boom". Think of the nasty interactions you have seen, (or part taken in) when you have been in a government office, like the post office, DMV or the IRS... both sides loaded and read to go. It's all about managing expectations and outcomes... auto-responders can either help or hurt that situation, depending on how it's written. Should the men that join this website treat women with more civility, respect and treat ever woman as an individual? Certainly! Should women do the same, treat each man as individual, with respect and civility. And just incase someone other than you is reading this response LALA, and wants to fire back, respect is earned... then philosophically I disagree. RESPECT IS IMPLIED, and always extended!!! It can be quickly lost, depending on your tolerance, but it is implied. For me to take the position that it must be earned, is a pompous viewpoint that says "I'm better than you, until you prove otherwise" and it's a precursor to conflict. Finally with regard to messaging, I was trying to illustrate that they are the same thing... but my point was, that although there are different protocols and expectations, with regard to messaging styles, and speed of the expected response, so people are ignorant of that. That why I mentioned the people who always respond with reply to all. Perhaps I should have use the example of the person at work who seems you 3 follow-up e-mails within an hour because you didn't respond in what they saw as a timely fashions. Are those people asshats, not most of the time, they are just somewhat social inept on that particular nuance of social graces. None is perfect. Sorry for the long response, I should have turned this into a post. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Well I'm for the burbs... so I guess that makes me perfect.   I don't think we should be splitting hair. My post is in fact a response post, to a response post. Sometimes a response it just too long, and it's better to create another post, to further the discussion or provide another point of view. I for one prefer post that cause a healthy debate and further discussion. I personally get a little disinterested with commenting on "me to" posts, day after day. A little variety is good, that why I follow blogger who have completely different styles, and blogger who like a health debate. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I do't get that many messages now...my age and the unwelcoming tone of my profile puts people off....which is the intention.  If one slips through my auto reply deals with it until I decide whether to reply or not. I ignore the rude ones and will reply to the polite ones. Can't do more than that.   Everyone has to choose how to deal with thing... either way has its pitfalls. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Well done KHU. I do try to respond to all messages I get providing they are not rude to me. If they are no responds back. hugssssssss V Nice post! Responding to rude messages is an art form of giving them no place to go. It always comes down to a point of view of whether to respond or not. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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My view, I a life learning, thus always a student. I thing reward was just a bad choice of words... it thing is essence of what was being said is, you don't want to encourage bad behavior. I prefer to encourage good behavior, I'm not always 100% on that, but that's my general stance on things. Really is two side of the same coin. The whole spelling and grammar thing as a sign of intelligence... been there done that! Lets just call it more shortcut stereotyping, and a lack of understanding of correlation! I can't spell or write well, but I'm plenty intelligent. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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What do I do? An auto response which gently, but clearly, outlines why you might not receive a personal response. .. And thanking them for choosing to message me Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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So here goes, and this is all meant respectfully- Quoting from comment made here by Author 51- " My post was a generalization and directed at no one.Why would I do that. Your responding post was directed at me.There was no need for a responding post at all.A responding comment on my blog would have sufficed." I often read other posts and come up with an idea for a post for my blog. In this instance, and I know you read and commented on that post, my response was waaaaaaaay too long. It would not have fit comfortably in a comment and made for a better post on my blog. Just as Khu made a post of it here, as this would have been too long for a comment, but made for an excellent post to engage others. That post was a response to your post, but in no way was a negative reflection of you or your blog. It was simply my opinion, stated on my blog. Once you commented on it, I even went back and edited it to reflect that you and I had a difference of opinion, but that I respected your opinion on your blog. Here it seems that you are taking offense with your comment here. You and I have talked since then, so I know that you are fine with it. I wrote in the original post that I thought it was great that you took the time to do it. I know that that post was not aimed at me or anyone particular person. The generalized "Stop being rude", but includes everyone. I have had men complain that my auto-response makes them mad. As Khu pointed out, it is a response of some kind and it is my effort to make sure that they are not left hanging. Which is what I think you were saying in your post. To not leave people hanging with no response. I hope that everyone, including you and Khu, know that having a difference of opinion does not mean that people hate on each other. Different colors of the rainbow and all that jazz, Kitkat  KK, I'm writing this respond for everyone else, because we chatted before I put up this post, and responded in your post differing option before we chatted. There are lots of things a agree on with lots of bloggers, and lots of stuff I don't. Debate or disagreements are healthy, and to disagree with someone doesn't mean you like or respect them less. If that was true, KK. and I would visit and comment on each other's blogs after my circumcision post years back. I am going to post again on this topic, and expand on the long ass response I gat to LALA. Just not today. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Yes, you are right. I tend to think like a teacher. Teachers are not above their students, so your assumption of that, is in my opinion, wrong. If you are giving out "gold stars" then that is a reward of sorts. My parameters are different than yours and will draw different types of people, neither better nor worse, just different. I respect the fact that you stated your opinion definitively. I stated mine, also, with no room for confusion. The fact is you will draw people that will appreciate every comment getting a response, as well as people who LOOOVEE Redheads with brilliant mischievous blue eyes. And I will draw people who won't expect a more personal response if they take the time to read my profile/blog/auto-response and like brunettes. And that is what is so great about being friends, you and I. We won't have a whole lot of overlap of beaus. Kitkat  Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Ooh...I am so guilty of not responding to all messages I get. I do try, honestly, at least the ones that are nice and polite. Messages with just a photo of a dick, or the ones that just say hi....I usually don't bother with. Same goes for those that have obviously not read my profile or those who are a tad too rude and crude. With that said....I am slowly getting through the messages. With me it's mostly lack of time. I do spend a lot of time blogging, and reading other blogs. I do reply to all my blog comments though. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Yeah well... I have messaged both of you, and read both your blogs so Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I look forward to your post. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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It's about civility Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I wasn't aware of the debate, but here's how I see it... My profile states that I won't respond to one-word or one-line or "txt spk" for a message. So does say my auto-reply. I do personally reply to messages that show that sender read and understood my profile and respected my preferences. Thanks to auto-reply, no message, regardless of what it is, goes unanswered. I don't see any reason to waste time answering every stupid 'hey' or 'let's f**k'. There's an auto-reply for that nonsense. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I wasn't aware of the debate, but here's how I see it... My profile states that I won't respond to one-word or one-line or "txt spk" for a message. So does say my auto-reply. I do personally reply to messages that show that sender read and understood my profile and respected my preferences. Thanks to auto-reply, no message, regardless of what it is, goes unanswered. I don't see any reason to waste time answering every stupid 'hey' or 'let's f**k'. There's an auto-reply for that nonsense. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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A practical position to take. But, if we want this community to be more civil, then we ourselves must be more civil. It took time and effort to put together my profile, to explain my preferences and wishes. When someone doesn't want to bother reading and comprehending it, why should I bother to respond personally to every inane "hey" or "wanna f**k"? When approached on the street with a greeting like that, I'd most likely call police. Here, online, I choose to ignore them in polite manner with auto-reply. I refuse to waste my time on idiots. Polite auto-reply is more than enough courtesy for them. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I agree with your sentiment. However, I don't see anything non-civil with my position. It took time and effort to put together my profile, to explain my preferences and wishes. When someone doesn't want to bother reading and comprehending it, why should I bother to respond personally to every inane "hey" or "wanna f**k"? When approached on the street with a greeting like that, I'd most likely call police. Here, online, I choose to ignore them in polite manner with auto-reply. I refuse to waste my time on idiots. Polite auto-reply is more than enough courtesy for them. The ignorant rarely self educate... more likely they will remain ignorant, then become hostile and aggressive Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Personally, I have an auto message that specifically states if you don't hear from me in a couple of days, you won't be hearing from me. The thing I don't get is why this isn't an assumptive for a lot of people. I'm amazed by the contortions I've seen people go through to cling to dim hopes, "maybe she didn't get my message because the site didn't deliver it", maybe she hasn't been online for a week or two", ,"must be a site glitch because I haven't gotten her response yet. No, s/he just isn't into you. And yes, yes, I know about the hoary old cant of "it's good manners to respond to every message". You know 98 times out iof 100, I'd agree with you but (and yes, I'm going to go all gendered here) it's men who have caused so many women to just stop responding. My Momma raised me with manners *but* what I got tired of was sending a guy a message telling him I wasn't interested and having him write back to tell me that I'm a fat bitch or cunt and I'm lucky he wrote to me in the first place because I should be so lucky at to get laid by a man like him. Just no. Good manners will only last but so long in the face of naked hostility. *AND* there is no way to know in advance which guys will be respectful and which ones have their dicks swollen with entitlement. So no, I don't write back to each individual and if someone doesn't like it, fuck 'em.
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Personally, I have an auto message that specifically states if you don't hear from me in a couple of days, you won't be hearing from me. The thing I don't get is why this isn't an assumptive for a lot of people. I'm amazed by the contortions I've seen people go through to cling to dim hopes, "maybe she didn't get my message because the site didn't deliver it", maybe she hasn't been online for a week or two", ,"must be a site glitch because I haven't gotten her response yet. No, s/he just isn't into you. And yes, yes, I know about the hoary old cant of "it's good manners to respond to every message". You know 98 times out iof 100, I'd agree with you but (and yes, I'm going to go all gendered here) it's men who have caused so many women to just stop responding. My Momma raised me with manners *but* what I got tired of was sending a guy a message telling him I wasn't interested and having him write back to tell me that I'm a fat bitch or cunt and I'm lucky he wrote to me in the first place because I should be so lucky at to get laid by a man like him. Just no. Good manners will only last but so long in the face of naked hostility. *AND* there is no way to know in advance which guys will be respectful and which ones have their dicks swollen with entitlement. So no, I don't write back to each individual and if someone doesn't like it, fuck 'em. Most auto-responses I have seen, are poorly constructed just like profiles are. Turnings what could be a some what effective tool into a one that throws more gas on the fire that anything else. Should men act like 3 year olds? No! But my belief is hostility breeds hostility, and civility breeds civility. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Can't dispute anything you say, and men are lured to this site with a certain expectation. Foolish expectations, but expectations no the less. Most auto-responses I have seen, are poorly constructed just like profiles are. Turnings what could be a some what effective tool into a one that throws more gas on the fire that anything else. Should men act like 3 year olds? No! But my belief is hostility breeds hostility, and civility breeds civility. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Good points - I have to agree Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I'm new to seeing the blogs on here, but I really appreciate the information in here. First, I didn't know there was an auto-response. Second, I agree. Civility is the way to go. I try to answer everyone, unless they are specifically outside of my profile statement, and even then I will give some leeway for those who may not be able to read it due to being a standard member. The only time I won't answer is when the men are into something that makes me shudder (fetishes that MOST people would deem disgusting) or start out with something that's just plain degrading or humiliating. I know that we are mostly here for the fantasy and fun. IF something else happens, it is because there has been some great conversation. And that goes straight back to civility. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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You've always been a well respected blogger in my eyes...with all the turmoil in my life, I have not ventured out in blogland much at all. When I feel like reading a good blog...I know where to find you. HUGS
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