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| Blogs > khuXBFXM8u > The Down and Dirty |
Yeah, I’m talking about you!
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Yeah, I’m talking about you! To respond, or not to respond, that is the question?... Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. Oh, by the way, let me throw down a little… if you are pompous and self-righteous, (you know who you are), and take the position… “my time is just waaaaaay too valuable; they should respect my wishes, blab, blab, blab…” you can stop reading now! You probably should keep reading, but… I digress.  I thought I would get a little cute there, by adding in the words of Willie Shakespeare to begin this post… but as I ponder that famous quote, I’m thinking “how appropriate it is for the subject, I’m blogging about”. What do you do with messages? Do you respond to all? Let an auto-responder handle it all? Or just do nothing, nada… unless of course you are interested in the individual who messaged. Recently, two sexy ladies took opposing views on the subject, in recent posts. The first uses the method I personally follow, here is that post, [post 3771506] if you want to have a look. Sexy lady #2, doesn’t agree with lady #1 and posted a response post, [post 3772424] . Both ladies are good ladies, IMHO, and certainly lady #2 Kitkat1415 and I have had some spirited disagreements… but then again, who haven’t I had a spirted disagreement with. Lol We don’t have to agree on everything, and that OK. It’s the way it should be  There is no definitive right or wrong approach to this dilemma… everyone must choose their own approach that fits their needs.I realize the respond, don’t respond argument, is one of our community’s little circular arguments, right? Like the dick pic argument posts… I still contend you could always just apply the nudity filter… but it’s more fun to complain. And before any ladies try to fire back at me on that, remember this. Men outnumber women on this site, 20 to 1 or better. The majority of those men are heterosexual, and the only dick they are interested in seeing is the one attached to them! I think you can concede that ladies; and gentlemen give me an Amen. Back on topic… to respond or not comes down to a philosophical belief. Hopefully all the high and mighty “do as I say, not as I do people” have left this post, and I’m now speaking only to the rational, lovely, open-minded people who are frustrated with the way the communication process works in online dating. My philosophy on respond, not respond, is to respond to all. I actually state my viewpoint and the rationale behind it, in my profile on a vanilla website… a fragment from that profile illustrates my view: I will communicate with anyone who attempts to communicate with me. Others who are more familiar with this online dating paradise have told me I should just ignore messages from people I’m not really interested in… apparently those are the rules of how you do this online thing… but I have never been really good at following rules that don’t make sense to me. I do recognize that time is precious, and there is a degree of anonymity being on the net, so ignoring people is an approach many take. But way back when, when we use to meet each other in person, face to face, I wasn’t in the habit of simply ignoring anyone, who had the fortitude, courage, temerity, what have you, to try to communicate with me. If I message you, I hope you will respond, so I too must practice the golden rule (do unto others), tid for tat, Quid pro quo, with regards to time, effort and most of all respect. Besides, I like people, especially women, and I like talking… to women even better. Also, you never know what will come out of conversation… seems to be a dying art. The chief complaint most have about messaging on a dating site, is people adopt a completely different approach when communicating online. I get it; it’s frustrating, that most don’t operate in a manner we feel is reasonable. And you can feel KK’s frustration in her post. But it can also be frustrating at the other end! To actually take the time to write a decent message, and have it just ignored. I can feel your thoughts… right now some of you are probably thinking, “I’m not going to respond to people who XYZ…” and you throw your own civility out the window! Yes, agreed… for some it’s a lost cause… civility doesn’t work on them. There is nothing you can do about the behind the keyboard warriors. But should you be patterning your behavior, because of them? If you become them… you know, lose your civility, (assuming that was your nature to begin with), the keyboard warriors have scored a little victory. Haven’t they? They have pulled you down to their level a little. Show of hands… who didn’t join this site, expecting to meet other adults who would act like “adults”, and the process would be rather straightforward? Anyone? If we lose our civility, how do we expect any of this to change? There is an old saying, “What you reap is what you sew”… Karma if you will. IMHO, said another way, we are either part of the problem or part of the solution. When it comes the civility and respect we all want, there is no middle ground. …. To die—to sleep, No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks Your thoughts Find pleasure in giving pleasure |
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A very excellent post, I believe you've spelled out almost perfect. Or could we put it all as miscommunication and just forget about it ?
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Great post! I do try and respond to all messages, but as I don't do it immediately, I also have an auto-response. However, having said that, sometimes it's difficult to respond when messages are either rude or those 'hey, wanna hook up' type. Either way, I am always polite....at least I think I am.  Dreaming2nite 
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I joined the site when my baby joined the army my friend who was a member told me it would keep my mind off of him being in the army and going to Iraq, so after three tours of duty I am still here, and it saved me from going crazy..And the other stuff on the site was just extra perks, like blogging, and being a moderator, and just having lots of things in common with other people..It's a shame when people have to argue and fight over the most ridiculous issues..but hey we all have our opinions. And what is that old saying "Opinions are like Assholes every one has one"!!! lol.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Khu, this is a fine broadside in the argument and no casualties have been reported on either side- so far. When meeting face to face, if someone addresses me with a "HI!" i will always respond in kind. When I get a PM, or an email, containing nothing other than "Hi!" I don't feel obligated to respond at all. I try to be polite in my interactions with other folks, but in writing to someone you've never interacted with before, "Hi!" just don't cut it. This is basic manners. I have no quarrel with those who wish to respond out of kindness to all comers- I applaud their sense of decency. I just don't HAVE that much decency. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise just say "Hi!" Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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A very excellent post, I believe you've spelled out almost perfect. Or could we put it all as miscommunication and just forget about it ? Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Great post! I do try and respond to all messages, but as I don't do it immediately, I also have an auto-response. However, having said that, sometimes it's difficult to respond when messages are either rude or those 'hey, wanna hook up' type. Either way, I am always polite....at least I think I am. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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What you reap is what you sow  Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I joined the site when my baby joined the army my friend who was a member told me it would keep my mind off of him being in the army and going to Iraq, so after three tours of duty I am still here, and it saved me from going crazy..And the other stuff on the site was just extra perks, like blogging, and being a moderator, and just having lots of things in common with other people..It's a shame when people have to argue and fight over the most ridiculous issues..but hey we all have our opinions. And what is that old saying "Opinions are like Assholes every one has one"!!! lol.. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I don't respond to every message I get, Some don't read your profile they just see a pic and message, some are not worth responding too. I am not going to be polite and reply, I tried that and some kept nagging me about getting together. Or others have been nasty about you saying no thank, I believe everyone on here have to do what is best for them and what it comfortable to them, I am not going to reply just because someone say be polite to all who message you and reply. If they learn to read I mean really read profiles then they might get a replies.
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Khu, this is a fine broadside in the argument and no casualties have been reported on either side- so far. When meeting face to face, if someone addresses me with a "HI!" i will always respond in kind. When I get a PM, or an email, containing nothing other than "Hi!" I don't feel obligated to respond at all. I try to be polite in my interactions with other folks, but in writing to someone you've never interacted with before, "Hi!" just don't cut it. This is basic manners. I have no quarrel with those who wish to respond out of kindness to all comers- I applaud their sense of decency. I just don't HAVE that much decency. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise just say "Hi!" A far any potential broadside, both ladies are expecting this post. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Yes my sister from another mother, we are very similar in our thinking on things. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I don't respond to every message I get, Some don't read your profile they just see a pic and message, some are not worth responding too. I am not going to be polite and reply, I tried that and some kept nagging me about getting together. Or others have been nasty about you saying no thank, I believe everyone on here have to do what is best for them and what it comfortable to them, I am not going to reply just because someone say be polite to all who message you and reply. If they learn to read I mean really read profiles then they might get a replies. But judging by your comment you don't appreciate people acting inappropriately, and would prefer if they were polite, and did things like really read your profile before deciding to reach out. But sinking to the lowest common denominator is not an effective solution. If you want things to change, got to lead by example, not complain about it an expect others to change thier behavior before we change our own. I have read too many post of the years here, where that is the expectation. And yes there will be those who try to push you off your conviction to civility but thier action. Question is do you let them? Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I'm glad if I was able to make you think, that was my goal. Hopefully you will be able to stick to you cide if civility when the actions of others makes you want to abandon them. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Thank you for this lovely post. My thoughts on this go as follows- I plainly state on my profile, my blogger header link and my auto-response what will get "no reply" and what will get a reply and that I am not looking. To me, it is rude to ignore that and then expect an answer from me. If I was out in public, and someone said "hi" to me, expecting a reply, I'm not sure I would necessarily reward aggressive behavior with a returning "hello". But hey! I grew up in Los Angeles, where it is dangerous for a woman to respond to strange men in public. I have gotten my breast grabbed, in public, simply for responding to hello. Since I am not trying to attract that kind of attention in person, either, your statement of what one does online should mimic public behavior is being held true here for me. Having said all that, I do try to respond to most messages that are creative or imaginative. I am rewarding the good behavior. That is important to me, even if my so-called reward is not a meeting but simply a friendly message back. One of the reasons for my rant was I felt that someone saying "it's rude not to answer every single message" is including me without taking into consideration my circumstances. Another reason is that I was trying to engage these two men in a positive way and both ended up being rude to me by the reasons enumerated on my post. My experience is teaching me that I will not get positive results by engaging these fellows, thus why waste my energy expecting different results? At least you and I can agree to disagree. I seriously doubt this can be construed as lively debate! Ha! Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Yes... volume can be a problem... no volume is worse. There are ways to deal with. Blog comments are a whole different can of worms. You kind of lost me on the symposium topic. cheap shot I know... but I think I can roll with that with you. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Thank you for this lovely post. My thoughts on this go as follows- I plainly state on my profile, my blogger header link and my auto-response what will get "no reply" and what will get a reply and that I am not looking. To me, it is rude to ignore that and then expect an answer from me. If I was out in public, and someone said "hi" to me, expecting a reply, I'm not sure I would necessarily reward aggressive behavior with a returning "hello". But hey! I grew up in Los Angeles, where it is dangerous for a woman to respond to strange men in public. I have gotten my breast grabbed, in public, simply for responding to hello. Since I am not trying to attract that kind of attention in person, either, your statement of what one does online should mimic public behavior is being held true here for me. Having said all that, I do try to respond to most messages that are creative or imaginative. I am rewarding the good behavior. That is important to me, even if my so-called reward is not a meeting but simply a friendly message back. One of the reasons for my rant was I felt that someone saying "it's rude not to answer every single message" is including me without taking into consideration my circumstances. Another reason is that I was trying to engage these two men in a positive way and both ended up being rude to me by the reasons enumerated on my post. My experience is teaching me that I will not get positive results by engaging these fellows, thus why waste my energy expecting different results? At least you and I can agree to disagree. I seriously doubt this can be construed as lively debate! Ha! Kk Is an auto-response not a response? I think it is. It's an attempt to at least let the suitor know what up. There are many who won't even do that bare minimum. I don't think that we need to agree to disagree, because I don't think we are that far apart, particularly if you are judged by your interact with the gentleman in the you post. You tried to communicate and point him in the right direction. It has happened to me too on the vanilla sites, where I have said no thanks, and a lady has come back try to get into a fight... some even play the race card to try and provoke, I just choose not to go there. Believe me, it's tempting to open up with both barrels, but I try to remind myself it's not really me there are pissed at, cause they don't even know me. It's the process and the results. Me belief is that civility breads civility... the more civil everyone is, the more civil enyone else will be. Who doesn’t want to be treated with civility, whether they deserve it of not? Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I reply to all my mail, but then it's quite easy for me to reply as I'm a man on this site and don't get much mail! I can see both sides of the argument. If I was inundated with nonsense mail, I may be inclined to let my auto-response to do the replying. I think it's up to people whether to reply or not. Someone sending a message which hasn't received a reply after a week should reasonably assume the person's not interested.
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Courtesy! Common Courtesy... is the way to combat a lack of courtesy, to abandon it? Can you, me, everyone, elevate those who lackIng in common courtesy, maybe, maybe not, but if we abandon our "higher" principles didn't we just join the rabble, the mob, with a kind of "fuck mob mentality". The "come suck my cock" message, would it suprize you to learn I have gotten similar message to? Except the want to come and sucking my cock. I will respond that message also, with "Lol Thanks for reaching out, it always flattering, but that not my thing. Good luck with you search." Why do I respond? I look at it this way... either it a troll trying get a rise out of me, so I will fire back a nastygram or it's someone who things I might be playing for the other team. Either way, I want them to know they got the wrong guy. Somehow it seem we have lower the golden rule to the lowest common denominator. The rule is move interpreted as dome on to others as the do onto you... but thr rule was/is do onto other as you HAVE THE do onto you. Huge difference between those two interpretations, don't you think? One other small point, e-mail, IM and text are all the same things, electronic written communication. The typical speed of delivery doesn't make them different, the are technically the same. I have some aptitude in this area. If someone at the desk beside you sends you email at work, doesn't it arrive almost instantly, the same way as if they IM you? I don't disagree that generally there is an agreed convention, but not everyone is well informed. Kind of like the people who always use reply to all, when it's not necessary. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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True... neither method of handling undesired messages can be proven to be right or wrong. It's a matter of a philosophical belief. Just like reading profiles, and only apoaching people who you match up well with, is a matter of philosophical belief. For some the fact that you are the gender they are looking for and they are the gender you are looking for, is cause enough... they are that "special snowflake", (thanks Browneyed for that term), you desire, and that's thier philosophy. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I reply to all my mail, but then it's quite easy for me to reply as I'm a man on this site and don't get much mail! I can see both sides of the argument. If I was inundated with nonsense mail, I may be inclined to let my auto-response to do the replying. I think it's up to people whether to reply or not. Someone sending a message which hasn't received a reply after a week should reasonably assume the person's not interested. Some will not even extend the courtesy of an auto-response, for them that's waaaay to much trouble. I don't get a lot of messages here. But on one vanilla site I'm a member of, it can get overwhelming, and the do not provide an auto-response. But then again that site doesn't send out ice breakers so I that members can get a free gold membership like here. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I do't get that many messages now...my age and the unwelcoming tone of my profile puts people off....which is the intention.  If one slips through my auto reply deals with it until I decide whether to reply or not. I ignore the rude ones and will reply to the polite ones. Can't do more than that. ~~Anais Nin~~
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Well done KHU. I do try to respond to all messages I get providing they are not rude to me. If they are no responds back. hugssssssss V Nice post! Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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What do I do? An auto response which gently, but clearly, outlines why you might not receive a personal response. .. And thanking them for choosing to message me ***********If you have a yen to get" Up-a-Tree," Then it's just a hop-and-a-skip to get down with Meeee !
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