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Blogs > hysteroyster > Brain Dip

Foodie  

hysteroyster 39F
36 posts
1/22/2014 4:39 am
Foodie

Urban Dictionary defines foodie as: a douchebag who likes food; though the terms "gastronome" and "epicure" define the same thing.

I don't remember being an asshole due to my foodism, I have however perceived others as such when my desire for certain foods or eateries were denied.

...which I guess does indeed make me a douchebag.

But who could resist the succulent steak from a German restaurant? The fantasmagical fried rice from a humble hawker's sidewalk stall? The wonderful wasabi slathered on fresh sushi glistening from it's salty soy dip? Crunchy calamari crisp in its browned batter seal?

Burgers, beer, broccoli oh my!

I've stumbled upon food porn/erotica before, where food are used to accessorize the body and make it look more enticing, I suppose. Mostly these involve Asian women and Japanese cuisine. Women as sushi tables is a pretty common occurence and have seemed to be warmly embraced by mainstream media. There's that thing where they slide clear cold soup (or was it sake?) down a woman's body, so that it would pool between her legs, and the pubic hair would dance akin to seaweed in a pond.

There's also the genre I consider a bit more extreme, where the models are made to look as if they were being cooked: on a pit roast, skewered, dipped in wet batter etc. I find these a bit displeasing to my senses, despite knowing for a fact that they are all just an act. Perhaps the same reason I squirmed uncomfortably reading Nabokov's Lolita.

(WARNING: Even I am uncomfortable reading this as I type. Skip when possible.)

And then there's the just plain freaky: insertion of live eels into a vagina, using peanut butter as enema, and consumption of bodily secretions.

(END OF WARNING)

My first experience with food used in a sexual relationship was coincidentally the first time I had sex with a stranger I picked up on the Internet. I had just suffered from a broke up with my first ever boyfriend of three years, and was yet to be diagnosed with depression (that post will come later, I promise). I had no friends to talk to. So I did what any good broken girls do, we pave the way out of our own hell into a newer one.

Nothing really juicy to share about the night. We went to a super cheap hotel (US$20 or something per night, I think) on a motorbike. The management had provided us with tea and toasted bread with sachets of condensed milk and some jam. We were both young and pretty much clueless, everything seemed new and exciting back then.

I slathered jam on his dick and sucked him off. He seemed to enjoy it.

He poured milk on my pussy and tried eating me. I counted cobwebs in my head.

Now and then I still enjoy a little food play, but limited to drink swapping from my mouth to the partner's. That's it. Either I'm old and boring now, or I prefer to keep food where it belongs: sliding down my tongue straight into my belly.

Do take me out to lunch or dinner sometimes. My table manners are more refined now (thanks MasterChef!) and if you enjoyed my writings you might enjoy the words tumbling out my own mouth as well.

And maybe, just maybe, we can revisit my youth and live like we're twenty.

P/S: I would advise women to not poke food things into your vagina. The balance down there is super delicate and you don't want to have to make up a story to your local GP. Trust me, they know when you're lying.

hysteroyster 39F
29 posts
1/27/2014 5:21 am
    Quoting didtoo2:
    The succulent steak from a German Restaurant; the fantasmagical fried rice from a humble hawker's sidewalk cart; the wonderful wasabi slathered on fresh sushi glistening from it's salty soy dip; crunchy calimari crisp in it's brown battered seal.

    To be old and boring would only illustrate those experiences as something 'good', 'amazing', or 'not to be missed'. Sure, the 'old and boring' reference was suited for food play, but as you can easily describe what can widen your eyes and tickle your tongue - beyond something as pedestrian, or a necessity as just eating, your wording and perception elevates food porn where it should be - foodism.

    I guess I too am a douchebag as a foodie, but a douchebag patiently, impatiently waiting to see what the new sriracha/pho/pork belly/ramen/gourmet burger movement will be.

    Great post.
Thanks!

Maybe we can go on a food hunt adventure together in the future


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