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Blogs > looking4fun505nm > Looking4fun505nm's own blog

Merry Christmas  

looking4fun505nm 56M
1 posts
12/25/2014 5:17 am
Merry Christmas

I hope that everyone who reads this has a Merry Christmas this year. Mine is going to totally suck since my wife left me, and I can't go back to doing my old job either. I still haven't decided if I want to stay on her for another month or not. Hell there are times that I wish I could just disapear all together. I could and I doubt if anybody would miss me, and even if they did, I doubt if it would be for very long.

I know this is a pretty DOWN blog posting this morning but it's just how I'm feeling, and I NEED to put it down. I also know that I'm not alone in the way I feel right now. I know that there is a lot of men and women who are feeling the way I do right now. You hope the best for your friends and family thoughout the holidays, and they wish it for you but deep down you know that deep down you known that you don't like the holidays; or even hate them.

For me the holidays are ment to be shared with family and those that you love. But if you're anything like me then; you want to spend time with your those you love but at the same time you don't because, you don't want to bring down anyboy else's joy of the season. For me that started in my early teens. A lot of people have the Christmas blues, and they get rid of it shortly after the New Year; however, for a lot of people (myself included), that feeling goes on year round. Not only is that hard on the individual person, but a lot of the time it is almost impossible for those who love and care for them to understand. It's not that you don't want to be happy, it's just that you can't. So you try to mask how you feel when you are around others, yet when you get home and you're all alone, you decompress and those feelings come back even harder than before; and you dont have anyone to lean on for support.

For me there are several reasons why I am like that, the first is that I don't really like going out unless it's to someplace where it's nice and quiet and not a lot of people around. Not a very conducive place to meet new friends. Secondly, I don't want to expose a lot of people to how I'm feeling, for fear of bringing them down to where I'm at. Nobody should feel the way I do during the holidays, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That is why I stay alone most of the time. It would take a emotionly strong and understanding woman to stay with me in a long term relationship.

I hope that what I've said on here today hasn't dampened any of your spirits. I'm not always going to blog these types of emotions. However if you truly want to know me then this is just one of the things you need to know.

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