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What we have here is a failure to communicate
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What we have here is a failure to communicate Paul Newman sure put his stamp on some good frozen pizza and salad dressing, but that line from "Cool Hand Luke" stands the test of time with his best uncured pepperoni pizza. It also brings to a head the feelings I've been having for most of my life, and it's especially prevalent on social sites (like LesbianPersonals).. Initially write our profiles toward the people we WANT: you must be a strong assertive type and know how what I want without breaking up the spontaneity by asking Eventually adjust it to deflect those we don't: stop sending me dick pics, i can see them all the time; and stop thinking it's OK to just whip it out in the car next to me thinking that's what i want There's definitely lot that has to have gone wrong before the first scenario becomes the second, but it happens... and when I browse the profiles here on LesbianPersonals, most people have in their profile, something close to one of those two directives. The problem is that some people want only SOME people (those they like) to hear the first directive and the rest to hear the second. Blanket statements can be quite troublesome in either direction! Given the recent spike in the sexual harassment news stories, there's a lot of things that are bound to change, and change quick. As I read about the person in power who is trying to make the moves on someone else (subordinate or otherwise), I would ask myself "WHY DOES THAT PERSON THINK THAT'S OK?" then I remind myself "oh that person has power"; or "oh, that person has been told countless times that assertiveness and dominance is sexy" and that person is also used to living in a world where those traits are celebrated and rewarded. It's an 80/20 world... that person is being attacked by people who don't celebrate nor reward those traits, so it pays off 80% of the time, but now they're getting hit with the 20% who have remained silent. This has always been hard to distinguish, but I'm glad I have preferred to err on the side of caution. I would much rather be dumped because I was unable to decipher the mixed signals because I was unable to be assertive rather than jump headfirst into an accusation because I made an assumption that things would just work out like it does for the copier repair tech and pizza delivery guy. I've had a couple first meetings with people who were turned off by my cautiousness, but that's OK, I'm more than happy to make that sure connection and feel it flourish. I would feel so much better when that confidence and assertiveness is a result of building a trust with someone. |
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bump!
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no kidding. I agree with all you said. Better to be cautious than force the issue in any case.
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They also say they want a face picture or they won't respond even when they don't have one to share. Asserting a measure of power. It is said that a picture says a thousand words, only they never read them and they're the ones that complain no one reads their profiles first before messaging them and those very guys that don't read them get more replies than those who do. Having cautious ways is admirable.Feeling the need to tell everyone you do speaks of another motive. Never fool with a woman's intuition. Using more than all the road!
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This was a well written piece. I like it and I agree with a lot of it. It is a shame that a spike in inappropriate behaviour on the part of others will eventually lead to a shift in atmosphere that everyone else have to suffer the consequences for. Though I think that there is going to be a persistent problem with any dating sites where a user's expressed interests and intentions will go largely ignored in the long run since even if you carefully read people's profiles to try to ascertain what they are into and what they would want from you in a message the fact is that your fail rate will probably be largely the same if you're an extreme pusher who throws dickpics and tits in peoples inboxes or if you write carefully worded messages and try to integrate keywords into your introductions that fits what the recipient is interested in. It comes down to investment/return. You can send 100 crudely worded messages with your genitals on display in very little time and maybe get 1 or 2 positive responses - the rest will mostly be ignored or deleted. That's still a success. In the same time you can probably send off 5 or 10 thorough and conscientious messages that are aimed to interest the individual you are trying to woo. You'll probably not get more than 1 or 2 positive responses though unless you fit one or many of the recipients' ideal - and that's statistically unlikely. And when you are bombarded with messages (as women in particular are) you can be extremely selective. I hope I make sense. I realise this sounds like the victims of the rise in harassment is in part to blame. I don't know how to avoid insinuating that though.
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As I read about this whole harassment thing going around I wonder where the verbal line is drawn on assertive vs aggressive. Each person involved in a particular situation is going to have different experiences, perspectives and feelings they work from that the other person isn't likely to know. I wonder about this when I'm out with someone I've just met. Sometimes it is simple to figure out - like when they're touching etc. Other times I've not known where I'm at till they say "wanna fuck". That all I got on that.  Otherwise, I try to buy P Newman's products when I can and love most of his movies. Particularly Cool Hand Luke, which is a homework assignment I gave to Lala and she likely has not completed that assignment. Newman is a hero of mine - philanthropist, race car driver (a very very good one) and one of the kings of cool. BTW, that line was perfectly delivered by Strother Martin (the Captain) and it is more like: "What . . . we've got heah is . . . failya to communicate." When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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You know the Walking Boss’ rules Lala. Anyone who doesn’t turn their homework in on time . . . spends the night in the box. She wants it, so she gets it. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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My apologies too Bitmore. Notice how she has acknowledged my power over her.  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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It was almost too easy and BTW, don't let the door hit on the arce as you're leaving this post.    When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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