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Our Sex Party Norms
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Our Sex Party Norms I took to his first-ever sex party on Wednesday a 74-year-old gentleman whom we'll call "Bill. Bill's been curious about sex parties and swinger events after hearing my stories over the past nine years but it has never seemed like exactly the right time. Last Wednesday offered right timing. Sort of. Bill's wife (he says they don't have sex any more) was out of town so Bill could go out for an evening without lying about it. When my gal pals and I discussed the party plan, we realized that we were pretty heavy on male meat for this month's Sex Positive Potluck. (We call it the SPPL because we are people who are positive that sex is great! We meet once a month, nosh and get it on together in many and varied forms.) A "sausage fest" tends to make uncomfortable both straight guys and newbies to the party scene. We crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. (Unlike swinger events, we don't require that it be "couples only" or seek gender balance.) Three women and six men gathered together that night. We started with a session of Zegg Forum to build community and trust. (Read about Zegg here: Poly Agony vs Poly Community) We're a little different from swingers who get together just to fuck. We are people with long-term relationships with one another. We identify, for the most part, as poly (polyamorous which means non-monogamous with honesty about it), "tribe," and family, with all that implies. We love one another, get mad and hang in there because we love one another and need our family. Understand that Bill is a newbie/"civilian" (not in the sex positive world) and a totally vanilla guy who says he's never considered having another guy suck his cock. Bill isn't even interested in kink except for occasionally spanking my ass because he knows I like the sensation. So the Zegg Forum where we reveal "what's alive" with us --whether it's personal hopes, miseries, fears or gripes about one another-- was totally foreign to him. Bill probably doesn't know any people who talk about that stuff. Out loud (rather than in their minds). We speak it. Out loud. Hopes/gripes/fears shared, we moved on to the next part of the evening. We talked a bit while sipping drinks and nibbling the chicken enchiladas I'd brought (home made that day!) and the salads in plastic containers from various local stores. (I don't always have time to prepare real food but, occasionally, I make the effort.) Then the hostess, my friend Jaynie, suggested we move into her bedroom for a conversation about "mildest and wildest" fantasies for that evening. Mildest is what it would take to make you happy you showed up. Wildest is the furthest out there thing you can imagine happening. That night. Blah, blah, blah. 20 - 30 minutes of talking. I said I'd be really happy to have as many hands as possible on my body while on the massage table with light and intense touch. That got the group started. I enjoyed light touch all over and some slow, intense nails raking down my back. When I flipped over, I realized I still need to keep working with Jaynie's husband to refine his touch on the pussy. If he were more skillful, his whole life would be better. He needs more lessons in subtlety with pussy! Then, my gal pals rose to the occasion and helped me give Bill a great sexperience at his first sex party. After Heather and I did "two mouths on one cock" for Bill, she asked me if I wanted her to fuck him. "Sure," I replied. She fucked him for five minutes or so until she said to him, "I think I'm done." Afterward, he said --surprised-- to me, "I didn't even come yet." "Yeah, so....?" I thought. Then, I remembered. He thinks sex begins when a guy gets a hard-on and ends when the man ejaculates. Oh, yeah. That's The Old School Model of fallogocentric sex. Sex parties are pussy-led. One of my things at sex parties: I am NOT responsible for the guy's experience --or his getting off-- unless I'm crazy about him (or he specifically requests it and I agree. Out loud.) Neither is he responsible for my sexperience but I may some times explicitly request his support for my safety. I neglected to tell Bill that if he wanted to ejaculate, he needed to tell Heather. Of course, I doubt Heather would be willing to oblige because he can only get off in Missionary on a bed. She would not want him laboring above her on a bed. Too intimate! She was only willing to put her legs in the air on a massage table with him standing. That position removes her from too close contact. Or bad breath. I will tell you that Heather is smart to have figured out how to get what she wants and only give what she's willing. That's how she continues to be a "YES" for sex parties. Next, Bill asked Jaynie for a demo of her blowjob expertise (Believe me from having watched her in action...she is awesome!). Jaynie assumed that she'd suck his cock with enthusiasm and that would be that. He ejaculated in her mouth and, later, she told me by text she considered him a "presumptous newbie" and that from now on would I tell others she "enjoys cock sucking rather than blowjobs"? I replied, "You need to say 'I enjoy cock sucking and I do not suck to completion without negotiation.'" Newbies do NOT understand the distinction between cock sucking and a blowjob. And I say to her now...THANK YOU for making Bill's WHOLE DAY, WEEK, YEAR!!! Jaynie, you may have been annoyed because he did not understand the norms. But, Jaynie and my sex positive friends, we are so far into this thing that we don't even remember what the norms are in order to inform newbies. So...me? For a while, I stroked two cocks --one in each hand-- got flogged on my butt and shoulders while leaning on the massage table, sucked Bill's cock and got well-fucked my long-term friend Dom. It was a pretty good party. Not wild and out there but interesting and varied enough. I felt pretty good about giving Bill an experience of how our tribe gets it on. So, you, how was your Hump Day? {=}{=}{=} BiPolyBabe69 |
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hmmm. If i'd been Jaynie i would have bitten him. lol You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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hmmm. If i'd been Jaynie i would have bitten him. lol 
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Everyone has to have a first time. I would hope that if he participates another time, he'll be more in tune with the norms of the group and enjoy himself even more. Sounds like a great time. Bud Always Ready for Fun.
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That does sound like a great party!!
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