Finding my serenity
|
Posted:Nov 30, 2013 9:58 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:37 am
6403 Views
|
I spent the last two days away from the phone and the computer; it was wonderful. My is exhausted from running in the snow and chasing the snow machine. He played with the other dogs at the cabin and slept has been sleeping since we got home this afternoon.
It was so clear I could see Denali from where we were. The Jeep handled the ice on the roads like a champ. 
It was fantastic.
I bought a bed today but it won't be delivered until mid December. I am slowly going to refurnish my house. I figured since M would be home she would want a place to sleep but looks like she will be sleeping on an air mattress until mine gets here. Oops.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Thankful
|
Posted:Nov 27, 2013 7:56 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:37 am
6613 Views
|
The last couple of months there was a FB post where people where posting a number of items about themselves. I was given 8 as my number but didn't find the time to do it. Then November hit and people were posting daily what they were thankful for. I knew I would not be able to keep up daily even though I do find things to be thankful for daily.
So here I am writing this Note, in it you may find out things about me you didn't know and at the same time understand what I am thankful for.
1. I am a bipolar, crazy woman; without meds I would make that Bradley Cooper character from that movie seem like a normal person. I hate taking them; I hate it that everyday I need to remember these small pills or I would not function. I understand mental illness makes people uncomfortable so I have always found a way to make a joke of it. I often forget what true emotion is because I forget when it is okay to actually lose it.
2. I find when I really need a good laugh I can always go to Amazon reviews for the banana slicer. Serious...you should Google this now. You can come back to this.
3. I hate grocery stores; if I am shopping chances are I am having a panic attack about the way OTHER people have loaded their carts. I will eat out everyday if it means I will never need to go to a grocery store again. Someone in Anchorage needs to open a grocer delivery service.
4. I love assassin movies. I am not sure why but I do. I hate scary movies. If I watch them I will not sleep for days.
5. I am a cold weather girl but need sun.
6. I have a strong faith in God. I pray every day but I also listen to other people and their beliefs. I don't go to church. I am not a convenient Christian. I am not perfect. I have so much to answer to God for. Chances are I pray for you.
7. I am an extroverted/introvert. I really do like attention but only when I want it. Most of the time I would much rather be in an intimate setting or alone.
8. I am not a skinny chick, I have a vagina which means I have feelings and act like a girl. Odd I would have to post this but it was news to someone recently.
Soooo what the heck is Kelly thankful for? To start with; those dang MEDS, without them I would not be functioning enough to write this stuff. I have had people in my life who saw my potential and gave me opportunity to grow, to learn and move forward. I have rarely run into people that have tried to block me. I have met and loved amazing men and women. Each teaching me what I want and don't want from relationships.
My is amazing and while she has had to endure some of mom craziness she has done so with humor and grace. I am thankful for her independence, her grace, her giving manner and her love.
I am thankful for the friends in my life that don't let me hide when it is so easy to hide. They give me the time to get away but when it is for too long they call me on it.
I am thankful for parents that taught me to be independent and strong.
I am thankful for the siblings for teaching me to be a fighter and to go after the things I want.
The next couple of days I am going to get away from phones and computers and just have fun. I am going to play in the snow. Be thankful for the life I have. I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Happy day!
|
Posted:Nov 26, 2013 8:57 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2013 2:39 pm
6675 Views
|
I bought a Jeep!
I have been without a vehicle since August when I sold my car and have been either walking to work or borrowing from friends and family. Starting the new job next week will require me to get around town much more so walking will not be an option.
I love it! It is not a Wrangler but it is still a Jeep...Has great power and did I mention I love it?
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
That was that
|
Posted:Nov 25, 2013 8:20 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2013 9:40 pm
6722 Views
|
I quit my job on Friday. Yes, I was quitting but it was not supposed to be until the end of this week. I got angry with them over something and quit. So I gave myself a week off.
So I went out with the guy this weekend that I had been seeing before I went to Denver. It was probably not the best idea I ever had. I am still not sure how the topic came up but while we were waiting for the main act to start he mentions he is into skinny chicks. He made sure he threw in just how cool I was and that he hopes it doesn't change anything between us but that is his preference. I decided at that point I needed a couple more drinks. I am not sure why I didn't walk away at that point other than I wanted to see the band.
I find it interesting how in a year I have worked so hard to lose the weight I have and one comment like that and I was feeling so shitty about myself. There is nothing special about this guy. He has nothing to offer me. On paper he would not be anything worth bringing home but it hurt and of course it is all I have thought of since then.
K is in the hospital again with pneumonia. She will not be home for the holiday. Fucking Cancer.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Odd how this happens
|
Posted:Nov 22, 2013 12:01 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:37 am
7098 Views
|
The holiday season brings out the strange in people. I think most people hate the idea of being alone so they start grasping at failing relationships or they contact ex's or they go to bars.
I am a go to a bar kind of holiday person. I think it is the best time to people watch. The absolute worst time to meet someone though.
The last few days my phone has been blowing up with people from the past. Ah yes, those people who are single this time of year and know Kelly is ALWAYS single. I think I have done a good job at keeping clear of them though. Last night I received a text asking if I wanted company. My short reply of no seemed to be pretty clear. I didn't hear from said person until tonight. This time to ask how my day was. Nice how they figure a new approach may work.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
What if?
|
Posted:Nov 20, 2013 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2013 8:35 pm
6904 Views
|
What if I had married that guy last year in Vegas? Where would I be right now? Would I be living in New York City? Would we still be together? Does stuff like that really work out?
I was thinking about it today. About the randomness of things. How life can change with a decision. A yes or a no. Taking a chance.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Feeling slightly battered
|
Posted:Nov 19, 2013 10:28 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:37 am
6997 Views
|
I gave my notice to my current company. I did not get the response I thought I would. I knew my boss would be upset and worried about how to handle the next month or so before the end of contract but I did not expect the very icy and rude come back. The CO boss was a completely different story. He understood and actually talked to me about it. He said while it did place them in a bind he had been really looking forward to having me there. We meshed. It made me sad for a few minutes because I really DO like the CO people.
That being said what happened the next couple of hours made me realize I am making the right move professionally. Personally I am depressed and wish I could do the job from CO. I know it's only Tuesday but it has been a difficult week already. My damn ego is battered and bruised. Ugh, not even ready to talk about that one.
It also dawned on me that next week is Thanksgiving. I am not ready.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Because I can
|
Posted:Nov 18, 2013 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2013 10:19 pm
6254 Views
|
I changed my mind again. Yes, about the move. I put my notice in for the current company. I am staying in Alaska. I am not sure I can explain why but I know it is the best for me in the end.
Tonight was kind of a bummer but it is not ending that way. The guy...well I confirmed he is dating other people. Yes, my ego is bruised. Will I get over it? Yes. I was having drinks with my guy BFF when I found out so that was not so cool because he of course had to give me shit about it. I feel hurt but not sure what part hurts. My feelings or the ego. So what do I do? Well plan a date. Duh. Nothing heals the ego like lifting the ego. Sick, sad and twisted but fuck it. I had wine and I almost cried. I asked male BFF why he thought I was still single? He said because I'm an asshole. I agree.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Decision is made
|
Posted:Nov 18, 2013 8:57 am
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2013 9:38 am
6516 Views
|
I drove to see M on Friday night and it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. I think sometimes my knows me better than I know myself. We talked about pros and cons of each job. Well I talked she listened. She then said in her normal M tone; Mom since moving to Alaska you have been waiting to move out of Alaska. Why are you considering staying there?
Then I had to be honest with myself. Family of course was the main reason. With K I thought that is where I should be. The second was because it was comfortable and I know the job like the back of my hand. While M will be moving back here I know I will be seeing her as much as possible. grow up and move on; I can't focus my life around where she is.
Yes, I had met someone recently in Anchorage, yes, I like him. We get along great. That being said he is more of a friend. We hadn't moved to the next step which I now realize is a good thing. We didn't really speak while I was in CO and I am pretty sure he is dating other people so that is a very good indication of nothing worth staying for.
I made my decision and I am good with it. While I will be sad to leave Alaska, I am excited and ready for the new chapter in my life to begin in Colorado.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Nothing like last minute
|
Posted:Nov 14, 2013 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2013 4:15 pm
6598 Views
|
Always taking it to the last minute to make my decisions. I thought I was made up and staying in Alaska, I spoke with company B this morning, did the required paperwork and now here I sit doubting myself. What's the catch?
If I leave will I feel guilty for not being there?
Company B has the better benefits , is in Alaska and is a stable company.
Company A has crap benefits, is in Colorado but has so much potential.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
The sun does help
|
Posted:Nov 12, 2013 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2013 3:42 pm
7226 Views
|
I have been in Denver four days going nonstop. Work is actually more exciting than I thought it would be. I am excited about the possibilities but torn over my family issues. Where should I be?
Should I go ahead with the move or should I stay in Alaska until K passes? I wish all the answers were easy. I wish I could be as happy in Alaska as I am in Colorado. I wish cancer would go away.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Never relax
|
Posted:Nov 5, 2013 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2013 8:11 pm
7046 Views
|
Just when I think it is okay to relax and make plans, life throws a curve ball. I should know better than to relax. I have never had this luxury.
K girl is in Seattle early because of an infection in her leg, still waiting to see if the lobectomy is going to happen on Thursday.
M will be moving back to Alaska at the end of the month. She has had a hard time with the recent news of K. Actually on her way to Seattle tomorrow to be near her.
Friday night I head to Denver; so much to deal with there.
At some point I need to sleep, I really need to sleep. A full night, rested, I wonder if there is a pill I can take. Wine does not seem to help. I go to bed at a reasonable time. I fall asleep but then every hour I wake up.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Remember to breathe
|
Posted:Oct 31, 2013 7:22 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:37 am
7060 Views
|
This week has been so overwhelming at work that a few times I had to sit back and actually remind myself to breathe. I know to expect it to get worse. I know I am only one person and I will need to delegate more to the people back east. Giving up control has been an issue for me.
I can do this really I can.
My niece is heading to Seattle on Monday for her left lung lobectomy. She will be there 4 weeks and then head to Mexico for vacation, then back to Seattle for the right lung. Once those surgeries are completed she will be out of lung to do surgery on. She is making her "bucket list" now. We are all ready to do everything we can to make sure she can cross everything off that list. Next week she will cross off the Seahawks game.
Since last week I have had a really hard time finding a reason to smile. I know I should be happy for every day I open my eyes. I know that each day we have is a blessing. I have heard it. I have had well meaning friends and even strangers tell my sister and I about these amazing cures for cancer by using mushrooms, juice and other natural products. I am trying to find a reason and comfort in the pain and anger I feel but it is not coming. I have always had a strong faith in God and right now that is what is holding me together. So for now I am just remembering to breathe.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (AK_Snowflake) use [blog AK_Snowflake] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
91
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
161
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
