Now it's Over
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Posted:Aug 7, 2015 1:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2015 3:37 pm
7541 Views
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My GF broke up with me. She just could not take the bumps in the road. In particular, it was the inadvertent pain & hurt that she cause me occasionally. I'm not going into the details, but I will say that I am still incredibly hurt by certain things that never got resolved.
Even more important than communication is effective communication. You can talk until you are blue in the face, but if the messages come across all fucked-up, then you need to consider things. I'm starting to look at the relationship with hindsight and seeing that she & I may have had some serious communication problems even though it didn't seem that way.
I love her and I mess her... and I hate her too right now (but that might be just grief I'm going through).
I still have a FWB that I'm dating, so all is not lost. She is a very sweet woman and the relationship is growing.
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It's Not Over
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Posted:Jul 27, 2015 1:21 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2015 1:47 am
7654 Views
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My GF is still my GF. We got together and talked. We identified issues that we agreed to try to do better on. Looks like we might take it a little slower, but not as slow as I had thought in the previous blog post.
It really does feel good to still be together. We love each other so much and really want it to work out. The Bernie of years ago would have ended it permanently; the current Bernie is more flexible.
I also have to give credit to my best friend for keeping me on track. She pointed out things that I had not thought of. Different perspectives can make a huge difference.
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Sometimes Pain Comes With Trying, But I'm Glad I Tried Anyway
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Posted:Jul 25, 2015 3:27 am
Last Updated:May 8, 2024 12:8 pm
7861 Views
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Well, it looks like it is over. I broke up with my GF. Technically, there is still a chance to continue. I might be willing to slow it down a lot. Instead of spending the weekend, have lunch dates on Saturdays or Sundays. No sex either.
There has just been too much stress from the relationship. And the stress has been causing my depression to make a bit of an appearance. Too much depression and I end up hospitalized. Trying to avoid that. So, the healthier decision was to end the stress, end the relationship.
We love each other and really want it to work, but it is not going to. Not at this time. We are just not right for each other (now).
So, I did it in a shitty way: email. But I had a lot to say and there is no chance of seeing her in person until Sunday. I had to get it out. I had to say it. I had to end it. While she was enjoying a date with someone else last night, I was trying to fall asleep but could not because I was on the verge of tears. I had to make the decision and follow through for my own health.
What will the future hold for her & me, only time will tell. Could be friends. Could be more. Could be nothing at all. Hey, at least I took a chance and tried.
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I Came, I Saw, I Failed
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Posted:Jul 7, 2015 5:48 pm
Last Updated:Jul 11, 2015 3:43 am
7976 Views
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As a follow-up to the last two posts, I did go to the restaurant tonight. She's not interested. She didn't say so, but she didn't have to. It was obvious. I'm a little surprised that I didn't get a Thanks But No Thanks, which makes me wonder if she even read the note. (The last time I saw the note was when I handed it to her.) If anyone is nice enough to say Thanks But No, it is her.
This was the first time I had even given a note to a girl/woman. I can see why a teenage boy would try & fail and never try again. Right now, I feel like never trying again. It is like I tried something and found out that it is not the right way for me.
I do intend to return to the restaurant as I do enjoy it, but I will no longer ask to sit in her section. I don't want to be a pest or to make her uncomfortable.
It was funny, some of the advice I was getting via text message while I was sitting there tonight. "Bernie, smile and flirt." "Flirt with who? The wall?" "No, flirt with the waitress." "She's busy."
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Will I Shake Tonight? (Returning To The Restaurant)
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Posted:Jul 7, 2015 12:29 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2015 9:40 am
7915 Views
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A follow-up to I Was So Scared I Was Shaking But I Did It.
I have not heard from the waitress that I handed the note to. Realistically, that means she is not interested. However my friends keep pointing out possibilities. My own mind keeps hoping that she may have accidentally thrown out the note.
And so, I return to the restaurant tonight to sit in her her section. I know that I should not mention the note, etc. because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. Even if she's not interested, it is still nice chatting with her, and she seems to enjoy it too.
I have to admit there is a part of me that wants to chicken out and no got back.
Thanks to everyone who commented on the first post. Your words feel good.
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I Was So Scared I Was Shaking... But I Did It
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Posted:Jul 3, 2015 12:56 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2015 12:22 am
8259 Views
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Friends truly are a blessing. If it wasn't for the encouragement of a few (female) friends, I would have chickened out... again.
I was at a restaurant a few nights ago. I had the chance to chat with my waitress a few times. She is a very nice person and a very pretty woman. And that is part of what went into the note I wrote before I went back to the restaurant last night.
She wasn't there yet. I waited for her to arrive. Gee, you think that was a sign? Then I sat are her table for over 4 hours. Another sign? (I did tip her 50% because she could have made other tips if I had left.) I was shaking -- sometimes a lot, sometimes a little -- the whole time.
My friends told me that she would enjoy the compliment even if she was not interested. That helped motivate me to give her the note, which also had my phone number & email address. I handed the note directly to her, telling her that it was my first time doing that. She was nice and even hugged me as I was leaving.
I have no idea if I will hear from her, but I do know that she is nice and that I can come to her section again in the future.
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The Power Of Letting Go
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Posted:Jun 30, 2015 1:54 am
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2015 12:44 am
8035 Views
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I recently had the best first date of my life. It happened, in part, due to letting go. You see, I am an overthinker & an overplanner. It actually helps me in my job, but not as much in the rest of life. It gets in the way of enjoyment.
For this first date, I left my overthinking & overplanning in the car. Instead, I went with the flow and lived in the moment. Yes, it did lead to sex on the first date which is not my style, but maybe my style needs to be improved with some letting go.
I do have to say that she & I had been communicating for 2 1/2 weeks before the first date and there was a very strong connection going into the date. That connection just continued as soon as we met. We also had a health & safety talk ahead of time. So, yes, we knew there was a chance for sex.
This woman is actually like me with the overthinking. She is also like me in many other ways, which just strengthens the bond between us. One of the big things is that she enjoys my humor; finding that is like finding gold.
And I have found gold; this one is amazing. And to think I almost gave up when trying to communicate with her earlier. Something kept me trying. Did I sense something? Or was it the universe just wanted us together?
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I Don't Need To Say No To Sex; She Effectively Said It
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Posted:Jun 25, 2015 12:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2015 8:19 pm
8037 Views
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This is a follow-up to Should I Say No To Sex.
I said to her that we should talk about things. She said that she still wants to hang out, at least as friends. Then she went on to list how busy she's going to be for the the next few months (at least). I give up. I'm tired of trying to hang out with her. Been trying for a few years. We can stay email-only friends; that is fine.
Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback. I was going to be direct as people suggested, but she put a nail in the coffin before I got a chance to.
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Should I Say No To Sex?
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Posted:Jun 18, 2015 4:09 pm
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2015 12:50 am
8504 Views
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Update: Follow-Up is in post I Don't Need To Say No To Sex She Effectively Said It
I have a friend. She is a coworker who works in a different office. We've only met in person once, when she had to come to my office on business. IIRC, that is when we became friends. This was back in 2012. We have been mostly email-only friends since then. We email every workday and sometimes text just a little over the weekend.
Early on, there was a time when our emails took a different direction. They became naughty and we seemed to have the hots for each other. UPDATE: Yes, she was definitely interested in sex.
She is a very active person, always doing stuff, always having a full schedule. I'm the opposite. Many times she said that she should have me come over for a movie night, game night, cooking out, etc. with her & her friends & her family. I was always willing, but she never actually invited me. Her come to me? That would involve her canceling her plans, which always seemed to involve guests. Even on a day with "nothing to do", she is active doing something. It just seemed more natural for someone with nothing to do (ie, me) to join the person who already has things planned (ie, her). One of the reasons she didn't invite me was the 2-hour drive. I said I was willing to drive that far to hang out with a friend (even if sex was not in the picture).
Eventually things died down. The dirty emails stopped. The hots for each other ended. (Yes, I did consider that she might have been a tease.) We went back to being just friends.
A couple years passed. We still worked in separate offices. We still emailed frequently. She still talked about having me over to hang out or to make me s'mores. But she never invited me.
Today, our emails took that turn again. I was a bit surprised to find out that she still has the hots for me. It re-awoke my desire to pleasure her. I brought reality to the table too. We didn't get to talk a lot before it was quitting time; we will talk more later. UPDATE: Yes, she was definitely interested in sex.
Yes, reality. Like the fact the we are too different to be a couple; we're not compatible enough. Like the ball has been in her court for 3 years and we've yet to hang out once, even just a friends. I even reached out to her once recently to try to get her to hang out. She said yes... in a sense... in a way... non-committal... it just never happened. Maybe her schedule really is that busy. Or maybe she's subconsciously preventing herself from hanging out with me because she's afraid that she might jump me.
You see, she is a really nice person. She's also religious & church-going. All in all, over the years of getting to know her better, she seems like a person that would only have sex in the context of a romantic relationship.
And that's the kicker. I am her friend; I don't want to hurt her or bring her pain. I don't want to be an accomplice that will help her do something (ie, sex with me), that her conscious will have a problem with afterwards. Even if the thinks that it would be OK, maybe it is not.
I know that the most important thing it to talk to her more about this. However, I'd like some feedback from you. What do you think is going on? How should I proceed?
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A Small Action Gives Me A Big Smile
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Posted:Jun 17, 2015 5:22 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2015 2:05 pm
8347 Views
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The ups & downs of life have been rocking my boat recently. The future is unknown, but not bad. Still, somethings suck and may suck for a while. For most of today I have had a semi-smile on my face. Then I went to dinner at a restaurant. My waitress -- very pretty -- sat at my table very briefly to take my order. And that gave me a big smile. I was a 1-top at a table that could hold 4. Since my waitress was did a very good job -- not because she was pretty -- I tipped 40%. That is, I normally tip 20% for good service and I doubled it because I was just a 1-top. I'm home now, the moment it over, and I'm back to the semi-smile.
Does anyone else have a story to share of how a small action put a big smile on your face?
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Happy Friday Everyone... Aw, Crap! It Is Only Monday
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Posted:Jun 15, 2015 5:01 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2015 1:31 am
8442 Views
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I'm sorry if I got your hopes up. I'm a bit confused today. I don't know what to do next. Actually, I know what (ie, send her an email); I just don't know when (ie, today, tomorrow, ... maybe even Sat or Sun). The signals have not been clear, at least not to me. I suck at reading between lines, so maybe she sent something that seemed clear and I missed it. Or maybe it wasn't between the lines at all. Maybe it was clear as a bell but my sometimes clueless ass is out to lunch at that really good Chinese restaurant that you are now thinking of. Yes, you. It sounds good, doesn't it? Mmmm... Chinese food for dinner. Yum! Yes, I'm rambling and being a bit goofy. That's just me sometimes. Now go have Chinese before I tell the teacher what you did in the broom closet.
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A Week Of Smiles: Thrilling Treats
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Posted:Jun 13, 2015 4:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2015 1:11 pm
8454 Views
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It has been a good week for me, bringing me smiles.
The first smile comes from LesbianPersonals. She responded with interest. A few days passed and she responded again. Where it will go, I do not know. But it is a nice start.
A triple of smiles comes from work, all from women I talk to occasionally. First one came from a breast. Her blouse wasn't properly tied leaving the inside of a breast showing. Very nice, but you know that you just cannot compliment in an office setting. I let know her that she needed to adjust and she did.
The second work smile comes from someone who had a birthday. She said, "I almost wore by birthday suit, but I couldn't think of where to attach my ID." I almost said, "I can think of a few places," but that seemed like it would be taking the joke and making it sexual. So, I just kept the thought in my head and smiled.
The third work smile came from a woman who needed to talk to me. We were in my cubicle when she briefly touch my arm. It was just a friendly touch, but I enjoyed it no matter.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention a second LesbianPersonals smile. She and I are exchanging messages. If she lived closer, I would have expressed interest. As it is, it is nice to have another person here to chat with.
And the kicker: All five of these women are hot.
(Special Thanks to all of the other people that put smiles on my face.)
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Guys, Fire & Forget Is For Messages, Not Sex
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Posted:Jun 11, 2015 3:20 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2015 1:48 am
8497 Views
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Let's start by saying that you don't really want to forget the messages you've sent. After all, if she didn't respond the first time, you don't want to bother her a second time.
What I do mean is that you will get plenty of dead silences (aka, no responses) and, if you spend too much time wondering, "Did she see my message?" and "Is she going to respond today?", you will waste your time. It is not productive. Just mental masturbation. Instead, get out & do something (aka, have a life). Maybe read a book... or... dare I say it?... read a bunch of women's profiles. Figure out who you might be compatible with. Send her a message.
When it comes to sex, do not forget. Every woman is special and deserves to be remembered. If it has been too many years to remember her name, remember something unique about her. Honor her that way.
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To link to this blog (Bernie4E71Again) use [blog Bernie4E71Again] in your messages.
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