My Annoying, Rude, Off-Putting Profile (for Illustrative Purposes Only)
|
Posted:Feb 19, 2011 11:09 am
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2015 7:41 pm
18425 Views
|
Introduction:
Version 2011.1
If' you are looking for some wild crazy chick to do you until you can't even think anymore...click off of this profile now.
I mean it...NOW.
Seriously, my mind is not going to change...go away!
Still here? Well don't blame me if I reply in a rude manner to your offer to rock my world. Just sayin'...
Yeah, yeah...I understand that the hype that got you to this site guaranteed that there were hundreds of horny chicks in your location looking to hook up tonight. Not my fault you fell for it, because I never agreed to anything of the sort when creating my profile here.
I like to talk to people, get to know them and learn new things from every person I come across in this life. I have met some of the most diverse and interesting personalities on this website and plan to keep on riding this wild ride for some time.
I am a denizen of the VA/MD chat room where I can be found most evenings before I drift of into slumber. I often will waste a bunch of my time there on weekends as well. Yeah, I have no real life to speak of, but that's my problem.
Sometimes I have something interesting to say, sometimes I am boring as hell...you take your chances here. I love to laugh and have a wicked, smartass sense of humor. I do not appreciate cruel humor at the expense of others.
I used to be a trusting person, that was drummed out of me awhile back. I am, however, extremely honest...sometimes painfully so. I do reserve the right to my own privacy though, and will ignore overly personal queries.
I can be quite rude when offended or annoyed. Treat me with consideration and respect and get the same in return.
My Ideal Person: I am often asked what I am looking for and I can honestly say that I'm not actively looking for anything. I'm just standing in the middle of the road to see what rolls past.
I do know what I am NOT looking for. If you are married, attached, or unable to define your marital status, I am completely uninterested. I may talk to you if you are separated, but your expectations are your own...
I am NOT a cougar. If you are young enough to be my offspring...I'm grossed out. Really. And don't give me the "age is just a number" crap. Not Interested. If you want to accuse me of age discrimination...so be it.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
It's Like He Was Asking For It
|
Posted:Oct 5, 2013 9:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2015 7:19 pm
15531 Views
|
Our jackass this time is 1kawasaki. He's new, and he lives in my town. He apparently has not heard me say "Proximity does not make you attractive." However, he proves it for me.
Go back to my first blog post and read the profile post first.
I'm tired, so commentary is going to be at a minimum. So, judge for yourself. He is red, I am blue.
who offended you before you wrote your intro?
I am leaving out the autoresponse bit here.
You're new. Hang around awhile and you'll see how it works.
I hope so I just want to meet some interesting ladies so far I think its just as big of scam as CL
I had nothing to say, so two days later...
hey I would like to meet you I like a Rude obnoxious big girl who offers just enough sex to leave you unsatisfied! keep standing in the middle in the road with any luck youll get hit!
Wow...just...wow...
I'm sorry have you read your profile?
It appears that someone has misread it. It's not my fault that you assumed I was offering "just enough sex to leave you unsatisfied." I am not offering ANY sex. I am NOT offering anything and if you assume that I am, that's on you. And you're hoping I'll get hit? Did you read what you wrote?
OK, I'm off to ponder what it is about me that makes guys think I have a target on my back....seriously...geez
well that's an even worse interpretation! the hit by a truck is just for standing in the road if you cant find a happier place you may as well wait in the road
As I was writing my response, he quickly sent this
just try to write a more positive profile. no pondering necessary. one dumb fucks interpretation of what you wrote, it just rubbed me the wrong way I don't why I was having a bad night. know way better then to be harsh with a lady. over thinking over analyzing don't let nothing go if I brought you down even the slightest I truly am sorry, get out of the road and you wont get hit if I can do any thing to make this better just say it sorry I know better the to be mean to a lady
Remember, I didn't see that email before sending this one
Seriously...why is it you think you have to bash on me? I didn't do anything to you. I'm just here, minding my own business. I even say it plainly on my profile that I am not here to "do" anyone or rock anyone's world...so I'm not even playing the tease.
Yet, you find it necessary to attack me and say horrible things. I did NOT reach out to you and email you...you contacted me. Apparently, only because I'm local and you made a couple of unfounded assumptions based only on my proximity to you.
It's plain speaking, not rudeness. If you can't handle complete honesty MOVE ON.
I am in a happy place, but it's obvious that your interpretation of that is different than mine.
I did my best to apologies but since that didn't work I went back and reread your profile at least 70% negative. I think to settle this we will need a second and third opinion I'm not a genius it does run in my family I]m just going by what I read accept my apology or don't your profilr is lacking period
Hint: I get people who contact me to tell me the profile made them LAUGH. Do you understand the concept of sarcasm?
At this point, I decided I was done.
its not just u there are several BBW seeks 6' man with washboard abs and 9"PACAGE I GUESS THERE IS VERY LITTLE CONCEPY OF REALITY ONTHE INTERNET MAYBE ITS JUST MORE SARCASIM OR DELUTION IS MORE LIKLY
No response
THIS IS THE LONGEST COVERSATIN I'VE HAD ON HERE
No response
& NOBODY SAYS GROOOOOVY IN 30 YRS
No response, but I'm starting to think he's drinking
I COCOULD BE MESSAGING GIRLS WHO MAY STILL LIKE ME I GUESS I ENJOY CONFRONTATIN I THINK IT STEMS
FROM MY MOTHER TRIING TO MAKE ME ET MY SPINNICH. BUT LOOK AT ME NOW
Nothing for a half hour now, so I think he's done. Maybe.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Just a Quickie, 'Cuz Ya Miss Me
|
Posted:Sep 30, 2013 7:12 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2024 8:56 am
13907 Views
|
Got a message from pk44pk today:
Hi - age discrimination goes both ways. Older, young, energetic guy who love the female figure wants to talk to you.. Will you talk?
Somehow, I don't think "age discrimination goes both ways." is exactly what he meant. Because doesn't that mean that I could be discriminated against because of my age, just like I discriminate against the youngsters who like the Cougars?
What I think he meant is to ask me if I discriminated against older gentlemen as well. I could be wrong, but because pk44pk is 11 years older than I am, I'm going to assume that's what he really meant.
Anyway, I decided to just ignore the whole issue (btw, 11 years older than me is not necessarily too old) because it doesn't matter. The guy is Married. Do you remember my profile? If not, it's at the top of my blog...My Annoying, Rude, OffPutting Profile for Illustrative Purposes Only. Go ahead and read it, I can wait.
So, you figure out my response yet? Here it is:
um...somebody skipped right over the bit that stated "If you are married, attached, or unable to define your marital status, I am completely uninterested."
So we won't even need to worry about our ages, right?
Selective vision there alright...
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Bigger Idiots Here Too
|
Posted:Aug 15, 2013 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2013 6:33 pm
14298 Views
|
It was bound to happen, I found a Texas sized idiot in my inbox. Now I need to exterminate.
travelman132 decided to compose his message in ALL CAPS, which, as we know, is never a good sign.
LOVE TO F U C K YOU HARD AND SUCK YOUR NIPPLES AND EAT YOU AND MAKE YOU SQUIRT MULTIPLE TIMES
Charming...really....not.
So, you know he got the auto response, which I have mentioned in other posts and transscribed in I spoke too soon if you want to read it. You need the context of my mentioning that one needs to wait for me to compose an offensive message in an actual response to an email before one should be offended.
So my actual response was:
OK so here is my offensive message just for you...
SERIOUSLY? Do you honestly think that any woman who might have a teeny tiny grain of self respect and a modicum of discernment would be interested in that? My flesh is crawling and I feel that I need to wash my eyeballs with bleach. Thanks for that.
And he did not disappoint:
WELL YOUR ON HERE WHORING AROUND ON THE FUCK SITE WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TREAT YOU LIKE A LADY LOL HAHAHAHAH NO LADY COMES ON HERE THERE FORE GUESS WHAT
I immediately composed a response that included my usual wit combined with evil barbs. I thanked him for explaining that it is a "fuck site" when I thought it was a church group. I believe I used the word "Manwhore" at least once and ended by advising him to get a dictionary...or at least use spell check. Ah, and I explained that only idiots typed all in caps believing that it makes their messages easier to read.
In essence, one of my masterpieces.
I clicked "send" and it disappeared. POOF! Gone! As was the window to type in a response. I sense he blocked me while I was creating my masterpiece.
We all know what happens when you are an idiot in email and think you can have the last word...yep, blog fodder!
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Considering an Attitude Makeover
|
Posted:Aug 7, 2013 6:47 pm
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2013 12:35 pm
14296 Views
|
Those of you who watch my blog probably wonder if I've dropped dead.
I'm happy to report that I'm live and well (physically anyway, we know how the mental wellness is often questioned and I think it's more fun to leave that question unanswered). I took one of my infamous breaks, reinvented myself for a bit, then found out that I was being relocated for work.
So, here I am in Texas...yes...TEXAS! I no longer reside in the backwoods, but close to the booming metropolis of Austin, which is pretty cool for a music lover like me. The food truck culture is pretty cool too. NO, we are not talking hot dogs or fairground food...but real, gourmet food. It's kind of fun...
But I, super seriously, digress. Those of you who know me, know all about my infamous smartassness, my intolerance for fools, and my overall attitude (which many mistake for outright rudeness). However, I'm considering starting all over again, from scratch.
If you didn't know, I have a copy of my controversial profile My Annoying, Rude, OffPutting Profile for Illustrative Purposes Only tacked to the top of my blog. This profile was the result of too many years putting up with jackasses who assume that a woman's presence on this website obligates her to...well lots of things. Some of them I don't even want to think about, much less type a description.
Now, the blog is a couple of years old and maybe I should tone it down a tad? Should I assume that there are as many buttheads here as there are in the Greater Roanoke/Lynchburg not-so-metro area? Or, should I enter a preemptive strike and just come out with both guns blazing?
I'll probably get a new pic up as soon as I can find a pair of cowboy boots that suit me. That pic is a lil bit old and, while my legs are still in decent shape, I don't want to mislead y'all that I am tight and toned (not that I ever was) when I am rather Rubenesque (yes, look it up if you have to).
So, all of my VA peeps, I really miss you and I poke my nose into the VA/MD chat periodically. My fondest hope is that I'll meet a group just as lovely and accepting in the Texas room.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
An Unprescedented Morning of Kindness
|
Posted:Aug 12, 2012 7:06 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2013 6:10 pm
16386 Views
|
I don't know what's wrong with me...LOL. I've had this 24 year old persistently pursuing me in email for a few days now and I wasn't mean to him. I think what went in his favor is that he wasn't shoving a pic of his privates in my face and he kept it friendly and polite the whole time...
Id love to chat groooovy, you seem so nice. Btw i love your red hair
LOL...I seem nice? Someone totally did not read the profile, but did look at the pictures.
O i read your profile i couldnt resist. I love your pics, & your trippy little tat how are you?
Trippy little tat? Now, isn't that just too cute? These crazy kinds and their jargon...
All you've proven is that you've looked at the pics. I really think you need to go back and READ.
Your so clever
your funny honey. Id love to chat if your cool with that?
My inner spellcheck is twitching and that "honey" bugs me only a little, but I give it one last effort (with a bit of false endearment of my own:
OK sweetie, it looks like I'm actually going to have to quote myself. Maybe the profile is too long and you didn't read down that far, but under the "What I'm Looking For" section:
"I am NOT a cougar. If you are young enough to be my offspring...I'm grossed out. Really. And don't give me the "age is just a number" crap. Not Interested. If you want to accuse me of age discrimination...so be it."
So, go forth and have fun...and good luck out there. You're just not gonna have any here.
Damn, I must be mellowing in my old age.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
What a charmer...
|
Posted:Mar 23, 2012 7:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2015 7:50 pm
17294 Views
|
So, we have a new jerkwad to intrude on my overworked and tired brain. So, I suppose I should thank luckyone144 for that much. But, I still get to call him a jerkwad for this lovely message:
My God, did that profile wear me out just trying to read it. Maybe consider putting that cheap black boot in your mouth
And I'm always with a snarky response:
You know you make it so easy....
I'd rather put it up your ass you moron.
Nobody forced you to read anything. If I wanted your feedback, I'd ask for it.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Yeah, I'm kinda still around
|
Posted:Feb 18, 2012 11:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2014 8:19 pm
17360 Views
|
I don't get on here much anymore thanks to working 55 hour weeks, so I've been pretty quiet. Haven't even done the annual profile update (here anyway). While I have continued to accrue new "suitors" for my favor in my email inbox, I have been unmoved to engage them in my usual antics. They've all become so boring.
These two simply reek of a standard canned approach that I will not deign to acknowledge:
From funguy247365
Subject: Hey there
So where do I start... First emails are always a bit weird but I guess it's all part of meeting new people online I suppose. Well I saw your profile and figured I would say hello and see if you were interested in chatting sometime. Hope to hear from you soon.
-Lou
------ Profile Attached -------
I think this is the part were I sell myself to you. Ok let me see hmm. I grew up in the area and I love DC but I seem to do a lot of my trouble making out of town. I tend to make a break from the normal work hours with friends by going out for dinners or a night out on the town. Adventure and excitement are to things I love to keep in my life. Humor and laughter are a close second too.
And this from Fun4u2477
Subject: Hi babe, lets get together
Hi sexy, I hope we can chat and see what happens.... I'm 6'1", 215 lbs with short brown hair and blue eyes.
James
I'm wondering if the canned greeting approach makes them both Fun?
Then we have the simply offensive (and bad speller)JDP1960
Subject: david
Maybe u should givee a try
Not to mention the grammar. Urgh...simply not worth the effort of a response.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
How would you respond
|
Posted:Nov 11, 2011 6:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2015 7:52 pm
18630 Views
|
If you received this email:
Subject: Hi
Message: hello from forest
I don't want to be rude or mean...but sometimes I just can't help myself.
The best thing I can do is ignore this email, as the alternative would probably bring some bad Karma down on my head. Just sayin...
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Confused
|
Posted:Oct 29, 2011 11:06 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2024 8:56 am
16986 Views
|
I've gotten a rash of nice emails lately. Mostly guys telling me that they enjoyed my profile and it made them laugh.
What the Hell is going on? Has the World gone crazy, or have I stumbled upon some sort of freakish alternate Universe?
Imma think on this for a bit...
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
No, I am *Not* Crazy
|
Posted:Oct 16, 2011 9:53 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2013 7:38 pm
17654 Views
|
Despite what I claim in my profile headline...
So, this starts with another IM story. I did transcribe one once into here, but it's such a pain in the ass that I'll just tell you what happened.
I don't remember the guy's name and it's pretty immaterial at this point because this is something I've come across before. I usually have my IM on if the chat room is slow. I kind of like the IM because I can immediately screen out the ones I know are going to be dickwads. If they send me an offensive IM, or if there is something in their profile that immediately turns me off, I don't have to talk to them.
However, some of them sneak in and it's always a learning experience. This guy seemed ok at first...a bit of innocuous chat. Then he sent a pic. I should know better, I really should...but it was late, I'd had a drink and my brain was a little sluggish.
I opened the photo to find a full body headless man. He was thin, but not skinny...with that wiry musculature that speaks of someone working in hard manual labor, not a gym and protein shakes. He was gripping...like a club...his very large erect penis. Honestly, I was more startled than offended (I'm starting to get immune to that on here). It was the aggression in the photo that disturbed me.
I immediately responded with "Geez, you could have warned me." He informed me that I was the first woman who had responded like that...everyone else had liked it just fine. Instead of a rebuttal with the first thought that came into my brain, I told him that, the same as in real life, I prefer to know someone pretty well before being introduced to his dick.
What I really wanted to say is "BULLSHIT." And the awesome thing is that I found something on this website that backs this up.
I don't know how many of you read the community blog, but it can be pretty interesting. I know a lot of people in the chat room I hang in (MD/VA) bitch about how they don't like certain features, or how stuff doesn't work right, but they do have ways for us to provide feedback, and the community blog is one of them. From time to time, I will skim that blog to see what is going on and what plans they have for changes.
One night I found 56 of Active Women Have Their Content Filter Turned On and I found a kind of vindication for every time I've bitched about some uninvited dufus sticking his private parts in my face. I am not alone in thinking, "I don't want to see it, so put it away."
I don't have time to go back and find that old post where I talked about turning on my content filter...maybe I did say that I was offended. But, thinking about it now, I don't think it's as much that as I feel...a lack of respect, I suppose. I have nothing against nudity and under the right circumstances, it can be a turn-on.
Bodies are bodies and nobody came into this world with clothing on, so there is nothing inherently dirty or disgusting about nudity. That being said, there is a right time and a wrong time for displaying it. Assuming that a woman you've just met in chat is interested in seeing *your* private parts without asking first illustrates that you've made a judgment about her. Which is pretty amazing...and not in a good way.
Anyway, back to my IM conversation... It became pretty clear that he was looking for insta-hookup. He concluded by throwing out the name of a traditional dating site, which I will not spell out as I'm not sure I'm supposed to post that in the blog (initials of the site are "EH"). This caused me to close the chat window abruptly...LOL.
Yeah, yeah...talk to the hand.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
I Was Wrong...It Keeps Happening
|
Posted:Sep 4, 2011 7:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2013 4:48 am
17396 Views
|
If you haven't read my blog in awhile, you likely missed the previous blog post about my latest butthead email. So, for clarity purposes, please be sure you've read I Thought it Would Never Happen Again before reading this.
Finished and back now? Good...
So, when we last left our...um...new contestant for dimwit of the year, he was claiming to be just looking for a chat friend despite earlier statements to the contrary. I called him on it and asked him to clarify that he was only looking for friends. To my query he responded:
Sounds cool to me.
Ok fine, let's say I bought that (this is hypothetical, since I didn't) I still have another point to make.
Sorry dude, that's part of the wife's duties.
And he continues the charade in his response:
what wife?
REALLY??!!I have to call him on another one apparently.
Please note that I am a woman and, unlike men, women can read. So, I quote your profile"
"Loves to lick and have fun. Discreet because i'm married and she doesn't play"
I suppose one could say that you might have a husband, but you do say "she" so that leads one to believe there is a wife.
Pray, please continue with the protestations....
This time, I gave him a few days before posting this because last time it appears the wife was watching too closely and there was a delay of a day or two and I had assumed he was done. It's been awhile and the crickets are chirping. I think he's done now...we'll see.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
I Thought it Would Never Happen Again
|
Posted:Aug 30, 2011 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2015 8:02 pm
17713 Views
|
It appears we have a new batch of...um...unwise individuals who are not familiar with the wrath of the Groovemeister. I was seriously thinking that I was losing my mojo.
Today we have loves_2_lickva who is *very* new to the site, which does explain a lot. We'll sum him up by two aspects of his very brief profile. His photo (which I have no desire to reproduce on my blog) shows him operating his equipment in a traditional way. I won't go on an on about how I don't believe single women want to see y'all with your dick stuck in another woman. Makes us feel so unspecial.
The second aspect of his profile is the most telling. His entire profile consists of only one line:
Loves to lick and have fun. Discreet because i'm married and she doesn't play
Nuff said...on to the email
Hi there. Woodbridge here. Love to play. Discreet and D/D free. love to hear from you.
hope to hear from you.
G
I was gonna ignore him, but I missed blogging and needed to encourage the blog fodder...so:
...um...erm....uh...
Couple of questions.
1) Did you bother even skimming over the profile? I'm not looking for a deep word for word in depth read here...just a light look over.
and if you did...
2) Did you think I was joking?
or
3) Did you honestly think anything about your email or profile would convince me?
I'm seriously curious.
Interestingly, the response was practically instantaneous:
yep. i read it and I don't think i asked you out on a date. just chatting.
Um right...I'm not really *that* stupid. Nor am I about to let that one slide:
So...what you're saying when you say "Love to play. Discreet and D/D free" you're saying you want a best friend to sit around and discuss your dreams and innermost feelings with? That the ultimate goal of our contact will be to discuss world events or to play online chess?
I waited for awhile for a response...but I don't think he's *really* interested in playing anymore. Bummer.
Edited to add: I was wrong, the saga continues inI Was WrongIt Keeps Happening.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (Groooooooooooovy) use [blog Groooooooooooovy] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
51
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
