Motherhood, Complexity, & Nuance
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Posted:May 14, 2017 11:08 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2017 1:55 pm
8501 Views
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I once had a guy on here saying something about how he wasn't interested in mothers because he didn't want to interfere with their relationships with their , or interfere with their being present for their .
First of all, a woman can, and should, have relationships that are not centered on just her . How do you expect her to remain sane when they are teenagers if that's all she focuses on?
Secondly, determining whether or not a woman has good judgement regarding her has nothing to do with whether or not she has a sex partner...since when can't women be both good sex partners AND be good mothers!
Thirdly, if you are an asshat to a mother, she has less time for your bullshit, so she is less likely to bother with you and your nonsense, so you had better have your shit together.
Fourthly, if you aren't going to assume women can deal with their own responsibiilities AND have a sex partner, don't date women. You obviously don't respect their independence or their autonomy, and so they really don't need your bullshit.
I'm not saying for you to keep your eyes shut and ignore serious warning signs, but the idea that a mother wants to fuck something other than her toys is NOT any kind of indicator that she is a bad mom. Have some nuance and some complexity.
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4
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Should I worry?
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Posted:May 13, 2017 1:51 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2017 8:52 pm
8282 Views
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She has really bad breath
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2
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Ohai There!
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Posted:May 13, 2017 1:12 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 3:01 pm
8108 Views
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Just lying around
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3
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Eating Ass
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Posted:May 12, 2017 6:12 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2018 12:26 am
10521 Views
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i know some are obsessed. What gives?
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11
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So, You All Were Right...and He Finally Admitted It
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Posted:May 11, 2017 8:00 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2017 2:55 am
8159 Views
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So, yes, you all were right--he is not in the right place for a relationship with me, although he also hates letting go of it. As I was already aware of, he really is very much into me.
So, we plan to continue to talk, but I will be dating while he figures out how to recover from where he's at right now.
So...the very first date, I got in the car, and had the impulse to kiss him...which I didn't do, because I am a sane human being and it was not a normal response.
We figure out where we are going to eat (we had some ideas beforehand, but also wanted to check to see if something was back in action, which, the answer was, not quite). We weren't sitting there more than 10 minutes before he said he'd been wanting to kiss me since I got in the car and asked if he could kiss me then...so we did.
Once we had eaten and gone outside, he wanted to make out with me about every 10 feet back to the car...and I most certainly went for it.
And then he went down on me in the back of the car until he was able to make me orgasm.
And that was our first date.
The second date, he had me over and he had candles lit, lighting perfect, and music on. He's an artist of about every aspect--musician, decorating, filmmaker, etc...so even though his building is pretty low end LA, the area he controls was spectacular.
And he went down on me immediately, and we spent about 5 hours fucking...until I fell asleep for a bit and then went home.
And every time I've been over since has been more of the same...thoughtful, attention to detail, perfect sexual match up.
So, yes, that was a bit hard to let go. He's sweet, and looks after everyone around him, but right now he really needs to take some time to take care of himself until he is in better condition...and I really needed him to tell me that. I had tried to get him to admit it to me before that, but he really didn't want to let go. He finally admitted to himself and to me that he isn't being fair, though, so it was far easier for us both to let go amicably.
Thankfully, before I became full on attached...because I would have. He was way too much of what I like for me not to have...which was my point when I first talked to him about his availability.
So, all is well that ends well. He will work on himself. I will no longer concern myself with when I will see him again, and I can feel solid and ready to find someone else to bang!
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4
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Requirements & Goals
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Posted:May 11, 2017 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2019 5:41 pm
10477 Views
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Soooo...i'm definitely single...way more so than at any other time in my adult life since I was 19...and, being so very much older, I know myself far better. Having transitioned to the guy I was with last while still married, I was able to go from a very unhealthy situation to one that was quite healthy, and I recovered much of what had been damaged because I was able to experience that.. Even though, in the end, we realized the fact that we wanted different things was pulling us apart, and I fell apart for a bit after we broke up, I am a much more whole person today because I was with him.
I also learned more about what I like and I don't like. And I've learned more about what I like and don't like even since.
So now I have both requirements and goals--in no particular order.
Requirements:
1. Endurance: if you think anything less than 2 hours is plenty of sex, never mind. Once I get going, I'm in it for the long haul. I've been happy with less, but I am really not happy with less right now.
2. Sorry guys, but length matters for me. The Goldilocks zone is between 6 and 9.5 inches. Anything less, and it's just not going to deliver and anything more and I will definitely give it my best effort, but it's definitely challenging.
3. Regularity: Don't bother me unless you are really looking for a regular connection. I am not interested in fly by nights, although, depending, the first time may not be right enough for a repeat.
4. Attraction matters, but physical attraction just needs to meet a specific bar...the rest of attraction is intelligence and personal chemistry
5. Over the age of 32. Sorry, young guys. Usually all I get from you is inconsistency and flakiness. At the top end of that, I require 50 and under also. The problem isn't your body...it's your mind. Most of you don't vibe on the same level and it doesn't work for me. The way you treat women does NOT work for me.
6. You have to actually like feminists and strong willed, intelligent women and be ok with someone who has a healthy bullshit detector.
7. I'm great with dominance, as I am most certainly sexually submissive, but do NOT want an actual dom.
8. I like the guys who are kind to everyone, generous to a fault, are the first to jump in and help when someone is in need, and know how to be a team player without always thinking they are in charge.
9. Flexible, creative mindsets are all the rage and I like 'em.
10. No dedicated FWB or NSA men, please. If a relationship develops, I'm not interested in checking out your butt as you run away as fast as you can because you are incapable of authentic human connection.
Tall order, I know...but that's how I work.
Goals:
1. Regular sex with people I have fun with.
2. A relationship where I am a priority to someone I want to have as a priority in my life, too--I'm busy, though. I don't require being the center of anyone's existence. If they expect that, themselves, they will realize it's not what I am about. I like periphery. Periphery is excellent.
3. Levity
4. Camaderie
5. Mutual admiration
6. Hot, hot chemistry
7. Tolerance
8. Thoughtfulness
9. Respect
What about you?
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6
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DTMFA?
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Posted:May 8, 2017 8:03 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 7:02 am
6755 Views
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Ugh...so I fell apart last fall after a big breakup with my main squeeze.
We just wanted different things.
And I've been seeing a guy for a bit and I think it's the same story. I want to be a priority and he wasn't looking to find a priority and doesn't change things to fit me into his life even though he tries to a degree.
Hottest chemistry ever--and personality-wise and interests are in line. And I know he's into me. He says he is into me. In every other way, he behaves like he's completely into me.
But the guy can't make me a priority to save his life! Everything else comes first--his ex, who is his best friend, helping a friend build furniture, you name it.
If it was work, I'd get it.
But I don't get this.
Every time I'm about to give up, he comes back around, we have more hot sex, and then he drops off again.
I know he's not banging other people. His priorities are just really out of whack.
So, DTMFA?
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2
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...because it's lazy
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Posted:Oct 3, 2016 4:38 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 12:39 pm
14851 Views
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"So avoid using the word very, because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavour, laziness will not do."
I dunno what is going on, but I've seen a very special level of lazy this past week or so that really has me scratching my head.
First of all...TWO men expected me to just show up at their homes, never having met, even once, in a public place. TWO.
The first, a Black male, respected my boundaries (which is my experience with men of color), the second, a white male, pushed (which is my experience with white males, more often than not) until I finally told him that he was communicating that he is not trustworthy and won't respect my boundaries...and is that how he is going to act when I want him to use a condom? When I put it in that context, he finally recognized what a twat waddle he was being, apologized, and backed down...
That being said...WHAT THE HELL WITH THE LAZINESS?
BOTH men said they were super horny...neither of them even willing to get coffee to show they are worth it? WHAT THE FUCK?
Then, this morning...213-###-###. Let's meet
That's it. That's the message. The profile is just a dude showing his dick.
Contrary to the advertising on here, the people signing up and that you are talking about are real, live, breathing, eating, shitting, human beings. They have real emotions and a sense of self. I'd recommend that if you want to hook up, keep the following things in mind:
"Dicks are abundant and of low value," people, and
"...in that endeavor, laziness will not do."
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3
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"Alpha" males
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Posted:Sep 25, 2016 12:05 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 1:19 pm
14240 Views
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So, when a guy mentions he is an "alpha male," it does NOT strike me in any way as being appealing. For one, if you have to announce it, I rather view it in the same light as someone who feels they have to tell someone they are ethical...or they don't like drama. I see those people as the most likely to be the opposite of what they say...or the cause of drama...
It looks bad.
I immediately think "toxic masculinity," and "fragile ego."
These are the assholes who think I have to have a penis to have an original idea or have any credibility. These are the assholes that create unsafe environments. These are the assholes who run asshole companies and are assholes to their employees These assholes are people I want nothing to do with. NOT INTERESTED.
If you want to impress me...start with some fucking humility and then...only then...maybe I'll think we have something to talk about.
You can see all this at Urban Dictionary, fourth entry on the topic:
"The term 'Alpha Male' can be defined in both a classical and modern sense. The classical definition derives from the animal kingdom and represents a physical form of dominance over other males. The alpha male lion, for example, claims sexual rights to all females, fights off other male lions to enforce it, eats first after every hunt and dominates a vast territory of land for hunting rights.
In a modern/human sense, younger males (teens, early 20s) will subscribe to the classical form. Like a lion, they will often be the strongest, most intimidating, hit on all of the women beta males want, are usually the first to have new sexual experiences and often dominate a set territory in thier 'hunt' for new women, such as local nightclub scenes.
Older alpha males, however, will evolve the classical traits of stength, intimidation and dominance beyond the physical by gaining power over men through thier very means of living and professional reputation. A powerful business executive, for example, will hire, promote, demote and fire others according to how well they serve his own interests. Rock stars, famous actors and other individuals of 'power' hold very simular capabilities over others in thier respective professions.
Younger alpha males who cannot mature into the modern form will usually cling to the classical form of alpha-maleness for as long as possible."
Just fuck male dominance. NOT INTERESTED.
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5
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Another way to think about open relationships...
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Posted:Jun 30, 2016 9:02 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2016 4:40 pm
18351 Views
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So, when I got into this stuff at first, my ex had a crazy higher sex drive than mine and I found that exploring increased my interest in sex, which seemed to be pretty helpful. Most of the people I knew were having more sex, or sex with more people that led to a fairly significant amount of sex, but tonight something I realized before just sunk in a lot deeper.
I've always known that one of the things that is nice about open relationships is that no one has to be everything to any one person. It's very uncommon for two people to share every single interest in common. That being said, it goes a bit more beyond this...
A friend was saying how she had to really "be mean" by her standards to one of our mutual friends who just wouldn't back down. He kept thinking if he did this thing or that it would turn into something romantic...which she wasn't interested in.
She felt bad, and we were talking about "just friends" being such a minimizing phrase, so I reminded her that women aren't sex bots where you put niceness coins inuntil sex falls out...which she just loved, having not heard it before.
And then we talked about how in general, we are absolutely DONE with relationships where people think it's our job to meet their sex needs...and how we won't be doing that to anyone else, either...
...and it reminded me of how, when I first met my main squeeze, there was a lot of freedom in knowing that if something wasn't my cup of tea, he could find it elsewhere. I didn't have to do all the things...because I didn't control his access to sex. This left a lot of room for me to explore with him at my own pace, and test things out...and build trust...until I wanted to try more things...and at this point, there is very little I don't try with him.
I have multiple friends with low, or no, sex drives who actually prefer the freedom FROM sex that open relationships afford them.
...because when you don't control the access to sex, you can have sex because only because you want to and how you want to.
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3
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Clobbered
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Posted:Apr 28, 2016 8:19 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 12:43 pm
19767 Views
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The last few weeks have been eventful, and not in such great ways. As a result, my depression seems to have kicked in with a vengeance, but I've still managed to maintain a fairly high level of functioning, thanks to my pal, Wellbutrin, and a few natural things--inositol & kombucha, mainly.
The thing that stands out most, however? That NOW I have the RIGHT people in my life, the ones who are supportive, and kind, rather than the ones who lose their shit when I need that support. And it all is crystal clear. This is the right path for me. Even with setbacks, even when things don't go 100% my way. Even then, I'm doing what I should be doing.
So, I'm going to plow through, even though I did get pretty clobbered, take the setbacks like a champ, and keep moving onward and upward!
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4
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First, be not stupid
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Posted:Apr 20, 2016 10:35 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 12:43 pm
22135 Views
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Okay, I'm not a big fan of judgey words like stupid. That being said, when I look in my inbox, I become intimately aquainted with the enormous appeal of using verbage of this nature. Rather than communicating what you're about and why that might appeal to me, personally, because you've done your homework, I get messages from guys looking for things I'm not.
For instance, a guy who is a dom, and states that he is looking for a young female, a guy 7 years younger than me, hit me up, asking me if I wanted a challenge. Say what?
And then there are the substantial number of guys saying, "nice tits," like I would even care that they've noticed.
There are also guys who right away tell me they suspect I'm not interested because of something obvious (78 years old & living in Arizona).
So, I think it's time to make it clear--if you message me, first, be not stupid.
It's really a shit way to begin, if you catch my drift.
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3
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Name, please! (Follow up again)
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Posted:Apr 16, 2016 9:29 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2016 10:36 pm
20992 Views
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So, two guys have been talking to me. Both interesting. Both interested in the things about me that are actually interesting, which makes them interesting. After my recent blog commend and poll responses, I decide to relax my boundaries about name first, but the first guy won't even commit to giving me his name if we follow up after that. Say, what? You want access to my sexual self, but can't divulge your name? Na, bra. No way. Why so secretive?
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To link to this blog (Red_Elf) use [blog Red_Elf] in your messages.
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