Part 6 (Finally the Sex!): Bend-Over. I'll drive.
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Posted:Jul 8, 2016 7:39 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2016 10:22 pm
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For a detailed explanation of how I launched a craiglist ad-fueled adventure, see previous blogs: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive .
As we kissed and talked until 2 am the night before, I had watched myself as I considered and, then, resisted taking control. After all, I am accustomed to making sex happen. My sexy female friends and I realize, "As long as I don't say 'No,' sex can happen."
The reason I didn't just start stroking his cock and moving forward is that I'm tired of being in control. That's what I do to keep myself safe...invulnerable...and slightly disconnected from my own desires. You see, I often push to have sex even when I feel little or no desire. I know that all the body parts will work fine and I'll likely have a good time, a few orgasms if I'm lucky (and he's any good). But I don't feel desire or lust very often.
In fact, what most delighted me was the feeling of desire rising organically. Perhaps it was the stimulation of talking about sex with several other guys (but not immediately sating myself with snack; instead waiting for a superior meal) or, simply, Sam's not pressing me, pushing into my space or seeking gratification of his own needs. He admitted that he'd realized from reading my ad and reading my person that he needed to totally back off from pressing for sex. Doing so would likely have had me running for the exit. Instead, I pressed my body into his.
Sam, at 6'2", is thin and maintains a wiry volleyball player's body. Since I have a solid 5'7" frame surrounded by rather lush curves, I've usually been attracted to men with more meat on their bones. What drew me to interest in fucking Sam were these things:
1) He provided me with "acts of service" (from The Five Languages of Love, this is the one that for me speaks of someone who cares about me) by driving me around, fixing me food and not expecting sex for trade. He offered service to my needs without being servile.
2) He's super smart without arrogance. I am a sapiosexua which is a pretentious word that means I'm attracted to smart people.
3) He let me initiate the sex talk and, in fact, consciously held back to let me move toward him.
And I did move toward him in the bed that morning, putting my back against his front. He was immediately hard. It reminded me of a line from one of my favorite novels where the woman talks about a groove worn in her back by sleeping with past boyfriends or guys who'd just had too much to drink and couldn't get home. They would all promise, "Nothing will happen," but then that hard dick would be there wearing a groove in her back. I told him about that. He laughed. He reached around and gently began to tease my pussy awake with a delicate touch. I refrained from speaking out loud what I thought in that moment:
"Thank you, Sam, for not being a bumbling idiot!" I figured to say it would be a dick downer as it's damning with faint praise. You see, I've been man-handled a lot. Because men are so direct and forceful with their own genitals (usually), they don't tease or use a light touch, employing instead what my friend Julie calls "The Clit Eraser Syndrome." I teach men how to be more skillful but I really don't want to have to teach my own lover. That puts me in a different power role of being the teacher. Remember...my goal was not to lead. I wanted to experience surrender. (Not having a car or guide book was, for me, a rather scary step in surrender.)
Sam didn't attempt oral sex on me and I didn't bother sucking cock. I was hot to go so we just started fucking. And kept fucking and kept fucking and kept fucking. I admire stamina in men. I noted that Sam would slow down or stop, breathe to delay his climax and get back to it. What I most appreciated was his awareness of using angles to heat up every single inch inside my vagina. He didn't do the boring, constant straight in-and-out that makes me ready to be "done." I had one leg up on his shoulder and one between his legs as he faced me on his side and maneuvered his dick in and out. When I climbed on top, I could grind and get his cock right up into the spot that made me squirt. He grinned and the cutest dimple appeared in his cheek. Wait just a moment as I touch myself, remembering this.
I'm sorry but writing about great sex is more challenging than writing about bad sex. As Daniel Duane wrote in "Caught Inside" comparing sex and surfing, "It was awesome. I guess you just had to be there."
This was, indeed, for me, THE MOST AWESOME FIRST-TIME SEX (with a man) EVER. The reason for the qualification of "with a man" is that the previous record for most awesome first-time sex goes to my Bi-BFF, the one who ejaculated in my eye when I smacked her pussy. But that is an entirely different story.
What I can tell you is what, in retrospect, made the sex so awesome for me:
1) See the three things above
and
2) Giving myself time to let desire rise instead of whipping out the condom and lube, saying "Okay, we've got 45 minutes, let's fuck."
3) Sam's skill in touching, slowly and gently arousing my pussy.
4) The fact that I did not have to work to get him hard or work to keep him hard
5) Sam varied the pace and kept trying different angles instead of boring me a constant in-out jackhammer.
6) For me as a woman who relishes fucking, he kept going and going and going. He would slow down, breathe to stay on the edge without going over, and then go at it again with vigor.
7) What put the experience totally over-the-top hot for me was his hand holding my hair to keep me in position as he fucked me, putting his hands on my neck just tight enough to feel pressure but not to stop me from breathing. An occasional smack on the ass.
I believe this image of sexual surrender was imprinted as my erotic hot button by the bodice ripper romances I read as a virginal . In these novels, the buxom, hot-blooded virgin at first resists the overtures of the strapping pirate, Robin Hood-style thief or general scallywag until he pushes her to accept her lust for him. Then there are lots of heaving bosoms and throbbing male members. You get the picture. Goofy now from this perspective but formative, I think, of my idea of what's sexy. The fact that he just did these things without my having to suggest them made me supremely happy. I've nearly begged men who were not inclined to "The Throw Down" to throw me down on the bed and fuck me, use my body. Oh, which Sam also did once to distract himself from things that were on his mind. You see, this is consensual Dominance and surrender. I gave implicit permission once I felt comfortable and safe with him for him to "take me," bend me over and fuck the bejeezus out of me.
And that, my friends, is how I bent over and let him drive. In Bend, Oregon week before last. Over and Out!
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BiPolyBabe69
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Part 5: Bend-Over. I'll drive.
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Posted:Jul 7, 2016 8:11 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2016 7:33 am
13264 Views
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Don't worry! I'm getting to the part of my adventures in Bend, Oregon, about the most AWESOME first-time sex EVER soon! For previous segments on my craigslist-fueled adventures, see Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive) and Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive .
The next day I drove with my sister Brenda two hours north to the tiny town of Maupin, OR, to go on a river rafting trip with her and her two young sons. She's delightful. Her sons, ages seven and 10, are holy terrors. It was two hours of drive time each way and three hours of rafting listening to "When are we gonna go to McDonald's?" in between spitting at one another, screaming and complaining about how they didn't want to be there. Apparently, Brenda bribed them for "good behavior" with a trip to McDonald's at the end as they're excited about collecting the free plastic from China Skylander action figures. I have no issue with bribes in general except that, in this case, their impatience to get to the reward meant they did not enjoy the river rafting experience. They were "Punished by Rewards," which is a great book by Alfie Kohn.
Anyway, Sam, who had been the hero to pick me up at the airport (in a scary abduction van!) after I'd arrived and gave me my first tour around Bend (without ever talking about sex) had suggested by text that I invite Brenda to join me and him for curried veggies with chicken which he'd prepared. When I asked if I could invite her two holy terrors, he disappeared from communication. I had dinner with Brenda and her husband and stayed with them.
Since I'd decided to stay over another couple of days, I decided to take a leap and suggest that I'd like to stay with Sam. I said it could be with or without sex since I knew he probably had an extra bedroom and I had no idea if he'd like to have sex with me or not. I said I was interested after we had a safer sex talk.
Bright and early the next morning, Sam texted, "Want to come over and have some sex this morning?" Yippee! I was all in...until I learned that the older holy terror was at home. I didn't feel I could leave a 10-year-old alone so I waited for my sister to get back from her early morning work. When she got back at noon, she was starving so we went to lunch with Older Holy Terror. I texted to delay, delay, delay meeting Sam, who seemed to take it in stride. I mean, can ya really blame me for being a responsible adult who doesn't want to leave a alone? Apparently, Sam didn't blame me. Or he'd already waited long enough for sex that a few more hours didn't make that much difference.
In the meantime, I was texting with Tim the Older (as opposed to Tim the Younger whom I'd met at the concert at the park and enjoyed a four-hour conversation). Tim the Older was supposed to meet me for coffee on Sunday but was a newbie to Bend and went to the wrong coffee shop. After that he texted about sex and whether I wanted NSA. I said, "Maybe." He offered to lick my pussy. I mentally yawned* and asked about his fucking stamina. "Yes, I'll get your pussy sore. I take Viagra. Last a long time! Want to see?"
* Men have learned that the offer of "I'll lick your pussy for hours" is currently the more politically correct version of "Wanna fuck?" But I find most men lack the skill to make it fun for me. In addition, I find it much more intimate and more vulnerable than fucking. So I usually decline until I trust him down there in my delicate lady parts with his teeth!
I replied, "Maybe" and asked what activity he had in mind for getting acquainted, besides sex. He suggested hiking in the morning. Then he didn't get in touch until I texted him at 11 am. He said, "How about the afternoon?" I said, "Fine." Finally, I texted him when I was headed to the river about four pm to float on an inner tube.
Since Tim the Older was worried about not finding me, we agreed we could meet afterward for a beer. While floating down the river, I gave him 30 minutes notice, as promised but added I didn't have long as I had a dinner date. He decided I was rude and wrote, "Your lose. Hope the guy your meeting is a loser, you deserve it!! And FUCK you!!"
I replied mildly, "This from the guy who suggested hiking this morning?!?" Then, I blocked his phone and went to shower. Tm the Older's assumption that a beer leads to sex is the kind of attitude that shuts me off: "I buy you a drink (or dinner) and you put out." It's rare that my desire switch gets turned on by 45 minutes of chat and a beer. Often in this situation, if I decide to have sex, it's really just another level of audition about whether I expect the sex will be fun in the future with someone with whom I'm likely to see in the future.
However, by now, I feared I might lose my "slut cred" among my gal pals as I'd met four guys without having sex with any of them. But I was pretty sure the switch would be "ON" with Sam.
While I was floating on the river and text with Tim the Older, I was also texting with Sam about plans to meet for dinner. To help me out and get me moving, he came and picked me up with the float and hauled me back up the river so I could float down once more rather than waiting for the shuttle. Sam said it takes only five or 10 minutes to get just about anywhere in Bend.
Being a sexually-responsible girl, I brought my toothbrush, condoms and coconut oil (my preferred lube) to dinner with Sam. As we chatted companionably at his house, I drank a couple beers while Sam did not. Though he is a a beer-o-phile, he's given it up to be gluten- and pain-free. Then I had a glass of wine with the salad, curried veggies with chicken and rice. Then we smoked some pot out on the patio and kept talking as it got cooler and we moved indoors to talk while stretched out on the leather couch. Finally, I brought the conversation around to sex. We kissed a little, talked some more, talked about safer sex, our sexual histories and any STDs. Then, it was fucking TWO am! I said, "We need to go to sleep. Let's go to sleep. I like morning sex better anyway." He agreed and we did. He kindly kept the window open because I prefer cooler and he kept his shirt on as he prefers warmer. He's really great that way!
Well, I truly thought I'd get to describing THE MOST AWESOME FIRST-TIME SEX (WITH A MAN) in this segment, but, for sure, hang onto your hats. It WILL be in the next one. I promise.
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BiPolyBabe69
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Part 4: Bend-Over. I'll drive.
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Posted:Jul 5, 2016 9:06 pm
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2016 8:12 am
13726 Views
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The next morning, after posting an ad on craigslist, communicating with the men who contacted me about giving me a tour of Bend-Over (detailed in Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 3 BendOver I'll drive), I got in touch with my half-sister Brenda (who's lived in Bend, OR, about three years.) The younger from my dad's second marriage, I didn't grow up with Brenda and used to visit her family just two weeks a year. I hadn't seen her since her wedding 11 years earlier. I'd never met her two sons, ages seven and 10. I asked by text if she and her boys might like to go river rafting with me since my dad had bought tickets. Brenda said "yes," so we were on for the next day.
Sam, the "tour guide," who'd picked me up from the airport and toured me around Bend the day before, texted to ask if there were any veggies I don't eat. I asked if that was an important piece of information or if he were thinking of asking me to dinner. He said the latter. He was planning to make curried veggies with chicken and rice and "see how our schedules fall" for a time to meet and eat, perhaps on Monday. "I love curry," I thought. "Maybe we'll meet again."
I rented a bike, rode around for a couple hours in the warm sun and then found my way to the the free afternoon concert at the Les Schwab Amphitheatre, an activity recommended by one of the men who'd written me in response to my ad seeking adventure on craigslist. See Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 3 BendOver I'll drive),for more.
Since Tim, the guy who'd suggested the concert was 36 (a bit young for me at 54!) said he rode a scooter all around (and I couldn't see myself on the back of a scooter with a 36-year-old guy), I'd replied, "I don't think so" to his offer of meeting. However, when I found myself at the concert, I texted him to say, if he wanted, we could meet there. He immediately texted back that he was on his way and would bring dessert. I wondered if that were a reference to the idea that I could top off my day by sucking his cock, but I decided to wait without prejudice.
Tim and I talked for four hours straight. We talked about the business he'd created selling non-dairy, vegan, gluten-free, organic AND locally sourced cheesecake. The legal pot dispensaries were among his customers, offering a healthy option for weed-induced munchies. Tim brought two samples in an insulated freezer bag. The blueberry cheesecake, with a texture sort of like ice cream (it is eaten half-frozen) was excellent. The mango-strawberry flavor didn't excite my palate. We talked about my work as a Sex Coach and Pro Domina. He told me about how he'd ended up in Bend-Over, OR. He'd been shipped out by wealthy relatives after the death of his parents to Mt. Bachelor Academy, a school for "troubled ," which was really no more than a brainwashing facility. You can google the name and find stories about the life-shattering experiences of former students and the multi-million dollar lawsuits against the now-closed school.
Honestly, I liked Tim a lot: super nice, intelligent, muscular, fit body, sweet smile. He said he'd like to try nude sunbathing with me but neither of us knew where that was possible. I contemplated whether I could take off my clothes for someone who was born the year I started college.I paid for the beers and appetizers because I was pretty sure that I made more money selling cheesecake (T&A) than he did. He encouraged me to stay another couple days, something I was considering. We agreed we might meet up again though I couldn't figure out when except between 4 and 8 am when he finished making cheesecake and before he started delivery to customers. That's a time when I prefer to be sound asleep!
I rode my rented bike back to my home away from home, took a shower and flirted by text with James, a physical therapist in his late 40s, who had some cool tats in the torso photo he sent me. I decided I could trek down to The Old Mill once more to meet him for a walk along the river, but I was pretty tired by then from a day in the sun, beer and a couple of hours of toying with the idea of fucking a youngster.
But, the truth is, I just wasn't feelin' it with the guys I'd met. Except for Sam, the first day's tour guide. I got no vibe from him about seeking sex, which made me curious: "Why wouldn't he want to have sex with me?" The biggest hook: I am attracted to unavailable men. Though he made himself available at first to provide what I needed, Sam didn't press for more, more, more. Instead, he backed off.
Take note, men. This is a strategy that works. Move toward a woman who interests you, then back off and allow her to pursue you. Which, you will soon learn, is what I did.
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BiPolyBabe69
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Part 3: Bend-Over. I'll drive.
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Posted:Jul 4, 2016 8:33 am
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2016 9:59 pm
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Recently, I did something scary and potentially dangerous, something I've never done before. And am unlikely to repeat...even though it turned out fine this time.
I've been meeting men (and some women) via the internet for 16 years --off and on-- when I'm single. I meet in a public place, chat and decide whether to meet again, fuck asap or not. But I NEVER get in the car of someone I don't know.
This time I got in the car with an internet blind date. Here's how it happened. Before I visited Bend, OR, I posted an ad on craigslist. See Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot for details. I got a lot of interesting responses. More about that here: Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive.
But one of the last men to contact me, when I was in Redmond, near the airport and debating about whether to rent a car or not, said he'd come pick me up and give me a ride into Bend. He could spell, punctuate and clearly knew Bend well. He said he'd also played in lots of tournaments at Santa Barbara's East Beach. (I guessed volleyball which was correct.)
I called a Santa Barbara sex positive girlfriend (sex positive means she and I are positive sex is great and that it's a good thing to be a woman who enjoys a lot of sex) to figure out some steps to assure my safety. As I've done with many internet dates, I decided to walk around outdoors with him and get a feel for him. If I didn't feel safe, I'd simply send him on his way and take a cab to the car rental place. Redmond and Bend haven't yet gotten on the Uber or Lyft band wagon. There are, however, lots of taxis because there are TONS of craft breweries.
I met "Sam" in the lobby the Redmond Motel 6 where I'd crashed for a night after landing safely late at night at Redmond Airport (about 20 minutes from Bend). We walked outside, talked about the mountains and the irrigation ditch running behind the hotel. He was pretty darned knowledgeable, which is one thing I sought in a tour guide. I decided to go with him in his white abduction van. Just kidding. It was a white van with a Thule roof rack but with windows. These are the steps my Santa Barbara friend and I agreed upon:
1) I'd meet him in the hotel lobby where the desk clerk would see him. She pointed out that, if someone disappears, police will first check the last place the person was seen.
2) I took a picture of his license plate and sent it to her.
3) I had him text me from his cell phone so I had his cell number on my phone.
4) I agreed I'd text my girlfriend about my safety until I got to the point where I didn't think I needed to be on high alert.
Sam and I set off and he kept up a running commentary on all things Bend-ian. He knew a sh*t-load about the area. While showing me around, Sam tried to help me familiarize myself with the area using some landmarks, the Deschutes River, which flows northward through the center of town, The Old Mill (which is a new shopping center development created out of an old lumber mill), the Red Chicken Roundabout and snow-capped Mount Bachelor. I have a terrible sense of direction so I never did quite figure out where everything was.
I was, however, stunned by Bend's beauty. I love mountains and The Sisters and "The Bachelor" are beautiful. The river running through town is graced by sheer red rock walls on one side. People were floating on tubes and rafts, kayaking, stand up paddling and surfing, yes, surfing in the new whitewater park.
As I'd requested in my ad, there was no sex talk. I was surprised because I gave him a few openings when I talked about my work as a Pro Domina. I probably alluded to my adventurous sex life with a Sex Positive friend group where we chat and then have sex in a group setting. Most guys can't wait to pump me for information about those things. He didn't take the bait.
We did talk about places in the world where we'd lived or traveled. Me: Japan, Argentina, Spain, France, Italy, Nicaragua and Mexico. Him: Australia, ski places in Canada, the American South and pretty much everywhere else! I learned a LOT about Australia, which is a place I'd always wanted to visit. We looked at a globe in his home. We agreed we like globes and paper maps to be able to see where places are in relation to one another.
After taking me up to Tumalo Falls (pictured below), where just a short hike at 3500 feet of altitude made me breathe hard, Sam dropped me at the airbnb home where I'd rented a room for two nights. We hugged awkwardly under the gaze of the airbnb woman host's gaze. "Thanks. See ya," I said, not sure if I would see him again.
I walked down to The Old Mill and met Will, a guy with whom I'd connected via this site, for dinner. He and I had a pleasant enough chat about sex, sex and more sex. Like most men, Will was curious about the group sex experience. My stomach hurt and I was tired so I thanked Will for dinner and went home alone. End of Day One (Saturday) in "Bend-Over, I'll Drive," Oregon.
Don't worry. I'll speed more quickly through the travelogue portion and get to the sex part soon. But I wanted to reassure you that, although I did something kind of risky for a single woman, I did what I could to assure I'd end up in one piece. Rather than many pieces on the side of the road.
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BiPolyBabe69
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Part 2: Bend-Over. I'll drive.
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Posted:Jul 4, 2016 12:12 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2016 9:48 am
13307 Views
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For the backstory on the ad I posted last week on craigslist's casual encounters in Bend(-Over), Oregon, read Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot].
Here's what I learned:
1) A lot of guys who weren't even going to be in town generously wrote me with suggestions of things to do and see in Bend.
2) A number of guys wrote sex entrees like, "Hey Mami, do you like anal?" (though without punctuation, of course.
Since my ad specifically said, "Do NOT start sex chat until I initiate it," I simply deleted those. Since I'd said, "Send a dick pic only if yours is particularly photogenic," no one sent a dick pic!
3) A few were funny like the guy who suggested I got a Bend Elks' game and then sunbathe nude out on the diamond. (I said in the ad that I like nude sunbathing.) Another said, "Ouch!" about the idea of nude rollerblading.
4) A bunch figured it was another money scam, fake or flake. They wrote, "Are you for real?" Geez, if I were running a money scam, would I reply, "No, I"m running a money scam"?!?
5) A few could spell and punctuate. Fewer could follow directions and send an idea of what they'd suggest as a fun way for us to get acquainted. One of the more intriguing ideas was to experience Shibari, which is the beautiful, erotic Japanese-style bondage. I couldn't fit it into my schedule.
So, with around 50 responses, did I meet anyone?
Yes, I met four lovely men, ages 36, mid-40s, 50 and 55.
Did I fuck anyone?
Spoiler Alert: Yes, I did. In fact, I had the most awesome first-time sex with a man. EVER. (Having been single off and on for 16 years, I've had a lot of first-time sexperiences.) And then we did it again. And once more for good measure. Three long-lasting fucking sessions in the space of two days, even after I warned him I'd probably get infatuated and all weird and clingy but it's not my fault. It's the fault of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which is released in immense doses with women's orgasms and, to a lesser extent, for men.
Tune in tomorrow for details on each of the men and how I chose Bachelor #1 as my dream date. Which resulted in, did I mention, the most awesome first-time sex with a man. EVER. (The reason I specify "with a man" is that the most awesome first-time sex with a woman award goes to my Bi-BFF, the one who squirted, hitting me in the eye,
when I smacked her pussy.)
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BiPolyBabe69
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Part 1: "Bend-Over. I'll drive."
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Posted:Jul 3, 2016 12:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2016 10:11 pm
13786 Views
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It was supposed to be family time but my dad (and his car) couldn't join me in Bend, Oregon. I considered canceling the trip but decided I'd rather go forward. I chose not to rent a car immediately, instead, to seek a tour guide and adventure.
On craigslist in Woman for Man Casual Encounters, I posted this ad:
"I'm visiting Bend for the first time this weekend (late Fri 6/24- early Tues 6/28 ) from Santa Barbara, CA, so please write to me and tell me what adventure tour you recommend. I'm happy to meet in a public place to discuss.
I've got tickets for river rafting on Sunday (perhaps you can join me?) but, otherwise, my schedule is open. I may not have a car. I hope to Uber, Lyft, walk or ride a bike.
I love dancing, live music, beer and wine. It makes me really happy to be surrounded by mountains, wild flowers and/or trees. I enjoy most outdoors activities: hot springs, horseback riding, hiking, biking (tooling around on a cruiser rather than road biking), nude sunbathing and rollerblading.
I am open-minded but am totally TURNED OFF by pressure for sex. Unless you happen to be very experienced with Dominance/surrender or have a wry sense of humor about sex, I suggest you let me lead. Which means, do NOT engage in sex chat until I do.
Since I work as a Pro Domina, I am interested in --and nervous about-- surrender for playtime. I'm more interested in my peers (40-60ish) than young guys because I prefer that you understand my cultural references. If I have to explain the joke, it's just not funny. Or fun.
Unless you have a particularly photogenic dick, I prefer you send a face and/or torso picture."
Unlike my usual preference for big dicks, I decided I'd rather meet a man who'd be fun company rather than a prick.
I got about 50 responses, met four different guys in person (one from this site, chosen for his photogenic cock, by the way), learned a lot about blind dating using the internet and had a wonderful time. Bend rules! I can't wait to go back. For ski season for sure and, perhaps, sooner.
Tune in tomorrow for details on what made it so awesome!
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BiPolyBabe69
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It's All About That Lube!
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Posted:Jul 2, 2016 1:06 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2016 8:37 pm
10890 Views
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I've been on hiatus from writing for a bit as I was off traveling in Bend-Over, Oregon. I posted an ad on craigslist, and I can't wait to tell you all about my adventures. However, right now I've got an ear worm that keeps repeating in my head, "It's all about that bass, 'bout that bass, 'bout that bass."
Really, I know it's all about that lube: Which lubricant to use, when, how much and any other lubricious considerations.
As a fan of intensity in receiving G-spot massage as well as extended fucking sessions, I am a big fan of lube. I am also 54 years old and one of the facts I hear from most of my female cohorts is that lubrication diminishes as our hormones drop.
Now, let me tell you how this topic occurred to me.
I attended a Meet & Greet in May, organized under the auspices of kasidie, the swinger site I prefer. The M&G turned into a full-fledged sex party, with the hostess's permission for our "takeover" of her playroom lit by candles on every side.
A local, youngish Hispanic couple I'd never met before attended the party. They looked so youthful I don't know how they could possibly have three ! But they claimed to have been together for 20 years. I asked them about tossing off the Catholic guilt thing they grew up with and they said it wasn't too much of a problem to let it go. They'd been "in the lifestyle" for three years.
Anyway, as the evening progressed and we in the playroom started getting naked, I realized the woman seemed uncomfortable with fingers in her pussy. I asked if she'd like lube. Since I carry coconut oil (the same solid stuff you buy in jars at Costco, Trader Joe's or the health food store), heat it up in glass and pour it into bottles. Then, you need either heated water or a microwave (gently, gently! I've nuked a lot of plastic bottles into submission!) to heat up the coconut oil for use as a genital lubricant. Coconut oil tastes great if you go back and forth between intercourse and oral sex and it's naturally anti-fungal. Unless someone is allergic to nuts or coconut, I think it's the best thing under the sun.
The darling woman did want lube. I poured it on. Then, I explained that she needed to use non-latex condoms with an oil-based lubricant. I put a Reality Female Condom on her next fuck buddy. As I was leaving, I asked if she wanted more. She did. I gave her the green plastic bottle and two more condoms. I feel bad now that I didn't offer a full explanation about how to use them because I think this info would be useful for helping her to enjoy "the lifestyle" more. Of course, she was busy but still...
So, here's how and why I use Female Condoms:
1) They are made of polyurethane so both stronger (developed originally for gay male anal sex so they need to be tough!) than latex condoms and transmit body heat better. They are not degraded by use of oils while latex condoms break when used with oil lubricants.
2) I pull the inner ring out of the condom, put coconut oil on the penis and then slide the "large, economy size" condom over the cock and then apply more coconut oil to the outside.
3) The man penetrates the vagina and the condom pretty much stays in place in the woman's vagina so that the penis slides in and out. It creates less annoying friction for my sensitive pussy.
4) The large condom doesn't constrict the head of the penis, making it also more comfortable for the man. Using any larger condom this would be true. Some men claim they can't even feel it!
5) It is VERY important, though, that the man check every once in a while to make sure the condom is still in place. I've had an enthusiastic partner fuck it right off. Once I didn't even notice until I started to have sex with someone else two days later. It was a definite dick downer to watch me pull an old condom out of my yoni! Now, if you kept the inner ring on, it would help the condom stay in place, but I find the sensation of the ring to be annoying. And in 10 years of using the condoms several times a week, it's been fucked off just twice.
6) It is also VERY important that the man hold the top of the condom when exiting because it's looser than other condoms and could spill.
The "large, economy size" is a joke because, though large, the condoms are much more expensive than other condoms. They're between $1.25 and $2 EACH and can only be purchased online (or in some sex toy stores). I buy them through amazon though I've found good prices at undercover condoms dot com.
Though expensive, I think they're worth it because I can enjoy A LOT of sex without discomfort. There are non-latex male condoms that you can also use with oil. Skyn has one that's pretty good.
Okay, a couple other things about lube:
* If it's not raining off the ceiling, you're not using too much.
* Use it early and often.
* If you find it's "not tight enough" for pleasurable friction, the woman needs to do kegels rather than quietly suffer dry fucking or fingering. And you need to skilled enough with your fingers and/or go long enough in fucking to create sufficient engorgement of the inside of her vagina to get it hot (and tighter) for both of you.
* Silicon lube applied to the dick (or outside of the condom, which, again needs to be non-latex) is great for fucking in a hot tub! Because it isn't absorbed by the body, it stays on for longer. To reapply, the dick needs to come out of the water.
* Silicon lube is also best for anal sex, again, because it isn't absorbed by the body. I am not a fan of silicon because it seems like a nasty, chemical thing to apply to my very sensitive membranes on a regular basis. But I have a good friend whose preferred silicon lube is Pjur Eros. She buys it in the huge bottles and uses it liberally.
* I'm not big on water-based lubes because they get tacky, but a little water applied loosens them up again. They don't taste good for the most part, though, and if I'm going to ingest a lube, I'd rather it be a food product!
So what else should I be sure to share with this lovely young woman (and anyone else) to assure that she can be safe enjoying sex with others?
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BiPolyBabe69
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Hurray! A moment of understanding!
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Posted:Jun 21, 2016 9:20 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2016 10:54 am
10375 Views
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I was truly afraid to check my email on this site this morning because I had tried so many times and in so many ways to communicate with a guy in his 30s that, in order to get laid, he needed to seduce my mind.
He understood that to mean that he needed to write to me all about himself!
I tried once more and was kind of insulting:
"Ask a question that actually interests you. Go read my profile. Go read my blog.
Or, go look up '36 Questions to Have Anyone Fall in Love with You' and ask me any of those you'd actually like to know (and that you're willing to reveal about yourself).
Quit being such a lazy ass motha fucka. Because men who do not put in any effort do not get laid."
This is the guy who would send me messages every couple days that said, either "Hey babe" or "Wanna get dp'd?"
This morning, as I made coffee, I despaired over whether my words and my request would EVER be understood. I wondered why I bothered. And, finally, I got a genuine response:
"I work well over 12 hours a day and I am by no means lazy, I am just divorced, in the ruts and horny, what can I say? lol"
That, at least, was honest. Then he asked me an interesting question about the role that love and affection play in my life. Because, as Mark Twain wrote, "If I had more time I would have written you a shorter letter," he got a much longer response than I'm sure he wanted.
To summarize, lots of love, affection and sex. Just not all connected. Except in the case of two or three couples, (sex friends) with whom I feel mutual affection, appreciation and attraction.
I think I'd like to find partner(s) with whom those things would be connected, but I'm not really sure since, well, I recognize I have intimacy issues. I fear getting close. It's only if I let people in, really let them in to my heart, that I get hurt. There, I did the homework from the recent workshop on being the kind of partner one seeks. What I came up with was a need to be vulnerable, which means telling the truth even if it's scary.
Now, I give myself permission to skip the boring coaching call this week and go dancing with my dentist instead!
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BiPolyBabe69
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More clever than "FUCK OFF"!?!?
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Posted:Jun 20, 2016 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2016 8:17 pm
10267 Views
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What's the best line you've devised when everything in you wants to say, "FUCK OFF!"
This morning, I wrote, "Enjoy your hand. Again."
Your best?
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BiPolyBabe69
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Just a Quick Note about a Quickie!
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Posted:Jun 20, 2016 9:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2016 5:11 pm
10856 Views
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I gotta dash soon and get ready for a appointment but I wanted to share a last-minute opportunity that opened up yesterday morning. I got an email from a couple I'd met last Thursday at a (supposed) Meet & Greet (organized under the auspices of the swinger site kasidie; tell them couplescoach sent you!) that turned into a full-blown sex party.
The couple, who were visiting from San Diego, were on their way north to Esalen Institute. In Big Sur, it's one of my favorite places on earth...after Santa Barbara.
Anyway, the couple didn't join the naked cuddle pile at the party so I was surprised to hear from them. I wondered if they'd contacted everyone there, hoping to set up a sex date on their return trip.
But, nope, it turned out they'd just contacted me. I was flattered, of course. We met and chatted at Yankee Noodle, which is a nice, quiet bar. Perhaps too quiet. YN may go out of business just like the previous Union Ale. It's a convenient spot to meet as it's just a few blocks from my sex studio so if sex is likely, we can just head there.
We chatted about all kinds of stuff, especially as I have two and they have five between them. It was very pleasant. No sex talk except the usual about "how long in the lifestyle? how'd you get started?"
So, finally, I asked:
"In your experience with swinging, what's a comfortable way to move toward sex?"
They looked at one another and then back at me and admitted, "There's really no easy transition that we know of."
I agreed, "So it's awkward just to shift but let's talk about what you have in mind."
They said they were eager to try dominating me as I'm a Pro Domina but prefer to surrender in my personal life. I gave a hesitant thumbs up. I knew I wasn't ready to truly surrender to people whose domination experience may be nil. But I did agree, "It would be great to have you 'do me.'" We went to my studio. They showered and then I set up my bed with the face cradle so I didn't have to crank my neck. I pulled open one drawer of sensation toys and put on a blindfold.
I wasn't really able to stop giving direction, especially for stuff like, "Please don't get coconut oil (which is what I use as a genital lubricant) on the things with furs or leather."
They were great! After I turned over face up and they played with my body a bit more, I asked to remove the blindfold. What was most memorable was kissing the woman, brushing against her newly-enhanced breasts while her partner had a finger inside each of us!
I had set the alarm to go off in an hour and ten minutes because I didn't want to be anxious about what was next on my agenda. I needed to clean up and air out the studio before my 21-year-old showed up for dinner. My twins know what I do and that I have an adventurous lifestyle but they prefer not to have it "in your face."
In the past, I might have decided, "Huh. They seem like nice people. I'll put them on my list to see when I visit San Diego...some time." But I've learned that it's better to go ahead and have a little slice of sex rather than wait for the perfect time to have perfect sex.
Perfect sex rarely arrives. Now I know more about this couple and they know a bit more about me. And how bossy I can be. Perhaps next time I'll be more ready to truly surrender. With a little more time available.
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BiPolyBabe69
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The Cult of Less Hair: Poky Pubes or Full Bush?
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Posted:Jun 20, 2016 8:32 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2016 10:36 pm
11389 Views
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I got a text message from a female friend asking if I could request that a certain mutual sex friend trim the hair around his dick and balls. "Since you're a Sex Coach, maybe you can have the conversation more easily."
With this person, I probably can. He's highly motivated enough to have sex with sexy friends that he's likely to be receptive to trimming his beard down below. I no longer suggest that men shave down there. I've sat atop too many poky pubes to think that's a good idea. Pretty much, men (or women) need to shave right before sex to avoid razor stubble.
For men, trimming the bush has the added advantage of making their dicks look bigger.
With all the craze of women fully waxed down below, or just with a "landing strip," it's kind of refreshing to see a full bush every once in a while. Women seem more willing to suffer to be beautiful so waxing does a much better job of getting the hair-free look without annoying stubble.
I tried waxing once. It was so horrifyingly painful I vowed, "Never again!" For my 'do, I prefer labia free of hair. I find it helps men find the important bits more easily. I got so tired of shaving that I tried electroshock therapy, no I mean electrolysis, though it felt like shock therapy as little tiny electrical bits zapped the hair and burned it dead.
Except that 9 painful sessions later, it hasn't fully gotten rid of all the hair. So I still need to shave. I tried letting it all grow back (a friend assured me it would once I stopped the treatments). I thought I'd just trim it close with a beard trimmer. I discovered I have the worst of all worlds: single strands of hair that look like I'm a chemo survivor. Except that I still have a very full bush that I can admire when I look down. I once shaved the whole thing but I didn't like looking down to see what appeared to be a pre-pubescent naked mons.
Last Thursday, I asked a beautiful redheaded woman friend at our monthly gathering if I could admire and gently touch her pubic hair. It was so beautifully trimmed. She uses a beard trimmer. Then I asked if she would let me lick it. She said, "yes." Afterward, our mutual friends were stunned because she'd never said "yes" in their experience of her with a woman doing anything. I've known this woman for, gosh, a dozen years. The beautiful redhead has been a "demo girl" for showing the unique bondage and sensual stimulation sessions I offer. And I had no idea she wasn't accustomed to women going down on her.
She said afterward that it is, indeed, a very different sensual experience to feel a woman's mouth and face. I think it's the lack of razor stubble! Which reminds me that men would be well-advised to shave right before giving oral sex, too!
So, where do your preferences fall for pubic hair grooming?
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BiPolyBabe69
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"I'm motivated to drive to see you!"
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Posted:Jun 19, 2016 9:01 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2016 9:55 am
9411 Views
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There's a certain guy who wrote me in early May, got my autoresponder which says, "Ask me a question about myself" if you want to connect with me and then, nothing. Not a word.
Maybe an autoresponder is perceived as rude. I don't think it's as rude as "Do you want to get dp'ed?" as the only line in an email (from a different guy). "D.P." is short for double penetration, in case you don't know, with two guys (one front and one back door) or one guy and a butt plug. That's the first time I've had someone send me an email with that particular question as a way to break the ice. My ass froze at the idea. I did not reply.
Since then, I've gotten four or five messages from D.P. Guy that say, "Hey baby" and nothing else. I shake my head and wonder if other women reply to those messages...ever?!?
I'm guessing he's drunk and lonely, my picture pops up on the home page when I log in to write my blog or read other bloggers and he sends me another email without looking at the fact that he's sent the same message four times before.
A complaint I have about profiles: "I am fun and funny..." or those that start out, "Good looking, smart..." I immediately shake my head. If someone has to tell me he's funny or good looking, chances are good he's not.
So this guy, FunandFunnier, which is a better name than DumbandDumber, which also occurs to me, wrote to me this morning letting me know that he'll be getting back into town (about 90 miles from me) and is motivated to drive right down to meet me in the next two-three days.
What am I supposed to do with that?!?
"YIPPEE!"????
I've never replied to this guy (except for my autoresponder which says, "Ask ME a question"). He didn't even ask, "Would you like to meet me?" He's assuming since he's now available, I'll be delighted.
I did read his profile in which he says he wants NSA (No Strings Attached) sex. I could write a whole thesis on how NSA does not exist with women. Instead, I wrote back to him explaining that "BIG, thick dick" is the only exception to my rule about no NSA. Send me flaccid and erect dick pix. How can someone claim to have a big dick and NOT prove it in photos on a sex site?!?
I could get irritated but, mostly, I find this site extremely amusing. I get a number of head-shaking laughs every day. One of the things I've most enjoyed is when bloggers share from their "mail bag."
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BiPolyBabe69
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What's something dirty you like to do?
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Posted:Jun 18, 2016 8:32 am
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2016 12:10 am
10554 Views
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A man, following my suggestion that he ask me a question if he want to get my attention, just wrote to ask, "What's something dirty you like to do?"
That's a tough question because "dirty" usually means perverted or shameful.
I live an invitation to freedom by which I mean it's my mission to model accepting my body, desires and pleasure without shame.
I choose to have sex with more than one person at once. For some people, especially the born-again Christian chicks with whom I went to high school, that's shameful. I haven't shared with them this perversion. They're already freaked out that I don't think a monogamous relationship is the one and only way in which one "should" enjoy sex. It's merely the default chosen by people who are either afraid to step outside or feel shame about lust.
Okay, I thought of two, which I don't think are "dirty," but some people might, because they are taboo. A friend of mine said, "Shedding shame about sex is all well and good, but we may want to retain some shame so there are 'hot buttons.' If everything's okay, sex could get boring."
I disagree with that. Sensation in my body is one of my hottest buttons. I can go inside and savor sensations. Last night after some rowdy sex with funnawanna , I enjoyed lying, cuddling, petting and stroking and being stroked all over. I don't think I ever get enough touch. That was delightful! It's a very fine thing to have friends with whom one can have sex. And a feeling of loving connection.
Okay, but back the "dirty" things:
I got squicked the first time I heard myself reel off the fantasy of "mother-" sex while a guy a few years older than I pretended to be my . I do have a beautiful and I would NEVER consider engaging with him in anything that crossed boundaries. I consider it healthy to explore it in fantasy with someone my own age. I guess it's hot because it's taboo. Taboo is different than "dirty" to me.
Same for "Daddy/Little Girl" fantasy play. It feels naughty to me, therefore it's hot.
There is "something dirty" that I'd like to try. I've never been able to realize my fantasy of rough sex. I imagine leaving my door unlocked and a man crawls into bed with me as I'm sleeping. As a natural dominant and more comfortable being in control, I'm bossy when it comes to sex. And picky. I'd need to train the man to use my preferred coconut lube, female condoms (or he'd need to be someone I trust for unprotected sex) and he'd have to be able to wrestle me into submission. And smart enough to dominate without freaking me out.
Domination (so that the other person can surrender safely) requires skill and practice. It's not just behaving like an asshole. The dominant in a fantasy scene is responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of both people. Too many men think domination is just about being an asshole or being rough with a partner. D/s (Dominance/surrender) requires intelligence to push the erotic edge in order to create intensity in the experience.
So, apparently, there aren't "dirty things I like to do" but "dirty things I haven't yet tried."
And you, are there "dirty things" you like to do?
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BiPolyBabe69
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To link to this blog (bipolybabe69) use [blog bipolybabe69] in your messages.
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