Even While Sleeping...Still Hard at Work!
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Posted:Apr 14, 2016 10:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2016 2:00 pm
9100 Views
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I wrote What does it mean when you dream about your ex Then last night I dreamed about my ex-husband, who was not a character in the previous dreams. He and I were together in a monogamous relationship for 17 years and have now been divorced for almost 16 years.
In my dream, my ex-husband came to me and suggested we get back together. He was certain that I'd fly into his arms, seeking the comfort and security I'd had to renounce in order to be free to explore my sexual desires and discover what's right and exciting for me.
I admit I was tempted, because no one delights in our twins as much as he and I, and he always made me laugh a lot. Except, of course, during the years when we were miserable together and then for a few years post-divorce. But that nastiness lies behind us. He's happily married --for two years now-- to the woman he dated for 12 years --without living with her-- until our were out of the house. I asked about her, and, apparently, she had simply vanished. Dreams are convenient that way!
I looked up at him. He looked much as I remember him the first time we met, him in the pink Oxford cloth button down shirt and Levi's 501 jeans. At age 31 to my 21, he was tall, good looking, youthful, but incredibly self assured. He looked like that again, rather than the thinning-on-top, thickening-in-the-middle, gray-haired 60ish guy I saw the other day fixing up the home we shared as he prepares to sell it.
Then, I proposed the idea of an open relationship. He was steadfast in his idea that it was absolutely unacceptable to him. I gave all my best arguments for it. I did my best to persuade him. I was persistent, pretty much a French bulldog worrying a bone. (My parents were sure I would become an attorney, such was my fierce determination to win arguments with them.)
My ex-husband was unmoved. (Pretty much the same response as my parents to my high school arguments about how my life would be ruined if I didn't go with my friends to the beer bust in the boonies.)
I was sad because as much as I miss the comfort and security of being loved by someone who is stable and responsible, I require freedom to fly. And, in my dream, at least, I was convinced that non-monogamy was the only way for me.
This morning I'm not so sure. I admit that I'd like to have a partner, someone who has my back, someone who adores me. Could I give up the sexual exploration that is an honest expression of my wild spirit without losing myself?
On the other hand, why would someone who truly loves me as I am ask me to do so?
Perhaps tonight's dream will offer some answers.
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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What does it mean when you dream about your ex?
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Posted:Apr 13, 2016 12:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2016 9:42 am
8789 Views
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First truth: I rarely remember my dreams. Only if I wake up disturbed by them.
Next truth:
Neither of these guys are truly an ex. They are "almost boyfriends."
Next, next truth:
I already looked it up on the internet, and I'm not satisfied with that interpretation.
First, let's talk about last night's dream. In fifth grade, in real life, Eddie F sent me a note, via another classmate. When I unfolded the lined notebook scrap of paper, it read:
"Do you like me?
___ Yes
___ No
___ Maybe"
I checked "yes" and passed it back to him. Then, he sent me a note asking if I wanted to "go steady." I took the question home to my mom. Mom said I needed to tell him "No, I'm not ready to go steady." Because I loved and trusted my mom, I did as told.
I've blamed Mom ever since for ruining my life. If I'd gone steady with Eddie, my whole life would have been different. I'd likely have gone out with Brett C my freshman year, gotten pregnant, had an abortion, been the subject of lots of nasty rumors and not been the person who went proudly off to Japan as an exchange student for my senior year of high school. And then off to college. Well, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
So, thanks, Mom, for getting me out of that Red State! Now for my dream...
Last night I dreamed that Eddie F (now a FB friend who, after going to U Dub and trying to be a musician in Seattle, lives in our hometown with his beautiful wife and two lovely , just down the street from his childhood home, the one I'd ride past on my hoping to see him), well, Eddie showed up in a park where I was picnicking solo. Walking past me, he dropped a couple things on my checked tablecloth: a Philippe Patek watch (which I don't even think I've ever seen in real life; it was very thin gold and sexy) and the heavy silver bracelet he wore with it. The bracelet read "Dateable."
I turned to look at him and asked, "Is this the adult version of the Fifth Grade Note?" The answer was "yes." Eddie F was finally available to me again some 40 years later.
Then, I woke up. I guess I still needed to ask Mom if I could NOW go steady with Eddie.
A couple nights in a row now, I've dreamed about The Unavailable Guy (TUG), the one I adored for the past year and who was "fond" of me. Mostly, it seems like I harangued him about what an idiot he is not to fall in love with me, saying all the things I haven't had an opportunity to say in person.
The best interpretation I read on the internet was that if you dream about an "ex," it's because you miss parts of how you felt in the relationship. It does NOT mean you necessarily want to get back with that person.
So, have you dreamed about an ex or exes? Tell me about it. What do you think it means?
{=} {=} {=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Posted:Apr 7, 2016 3:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2016 11:29 am
8913 Views
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I had an interesting first meeting yesterday with a guy who connected with me via this site (A*F*F). He said that, in person, I'm "less brassy" and "more thoughtful" than my profile would lead one to believe.
I explained that a profile is necessarily brief and incomplete. In my blog I explore the gray areas, the questions I'm still working out for myself and coaching .
Sex, communication and relationships are my joy and passion. I am an outspoken advocate for "free love," by which I mean that each of us feels free to choose the love and sexual expression which suit us, without being limited by self or culturally imposed boundaries. (With the exception of the usual suspects: abuse of those who can not give consent.)
Here's a topic I'm considering currently:
Once bitten, twice shy.
As I have written, I have suffered a surprising --to me-- degree of disappointment/pain/loss in ending a relationship with a man who told me from the beginning he was unavailable, thus, The Unavailable Guy (TUG).
When I mentioned that a year ago, a friend said, "That's bullshit. He would be immediately available if he thought you were The One."
I've felt that a number of times during the past year TUG and I dated off and on. I would get really nervous every time he announced that he might be more seriously interested in another woman he was dating. I expected him to dump me and return to monogamy with the one who really lit his fires, giving him the feeling he did with his soon-to-be ex-wife. I knew his deepest desire was to be with his ex again.
And, still, I stuck by him. I did cartwheels and back flips attempting to win his love. Now, I recognize the hook for me about unavailable men. (It's about "winning over Mommy and Daddy so they don't abandon me.")
Thus, I need to avoid unavailable men and women and avoid inevitable heartbreak.
Or do I?
A friend of mine, who is a brilliant life and business coach, told me, "Getting what's so is the first step to transformation."
She did NOT recommend simply doing the opposite. In fact, she said that when we respond in reaction to what we've experienced, we are similarly hooked, like a fish running the line in the opposite direction, which simply creates a whole new set of problems.
Now I'm taking a different perspective: Be aware of those who seem unavailable and observe my own response. I tell myself:
"Do not run, Angie, just because he seems unavailable right now. We all have times when we're available. Or not."
I am aware that I'm NOT emotionally available right now. I'm still in the middle of releasing my heart's (and my yoni's) desire to be with someone who does not return my feelings. Or my aspirations for working toward a world where we can all be free to accept and enjoy without hiding our kinks, passions and love..
For you, are there "hooks" where you observe yourself working through particular behavior patterns?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Keeping It Casual?
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Posted:Apr 6, 2016 10:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2016 4:39 pm
9711 Views
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Whenever I read in a man's profile on this site (A*F*F) that he wants something casual or uncomplicated, I figure that lets me out.
I'm seeking something beyond sportfucking. I've got nothing against it, and I've done my fair share. However, I've found body part grinding doesn't add up to much for me without an emotional or mental component. It's like a diet of ice cream, cake and candy. I can scratch my sexual itch much more efficiently than anyone else can. For me, that equals casual and uncomplicated.
Oh, I have a confession I might have contributed to the Virtual Symposium on Secrets. Lots of great secrets here: Participants List For The Eighteenth Virtual Symposium Secrets
My Own Dirty Secret:
"I suck at flirtation and sexy talk."
I'm way too straight forward. I don't play coy. I am terrible at giving chase, making a man pursue me, pretending that I don't want sex when I do.
That said, it's been a while since I've felt that rising feeling of lust, of desire. It doesn't come upon me that often. I felt it while kissing "The Monogamist" in the hot spring a few weeks ago. I mentioned him here: Unknown
I also know I tend to become attached quickly when I have a lot of sex with someone. Since I'm very clear that I don't wish to suffer attaching myself to men who are unavailable, I've made a rule for myself:
"Sex no more often than once (or twice) a month with a man or woman who is unavailable for emotional attachment."
That's why I won't pursue seeing The Monogamist. Though he desires "falling desperately in love," he believes the only way you know it's the real thing is if you desire monogamy. Since I don't think I'll ever desire monotony (sic) again (though I do believe in short-term focus on one's primary partner ---aka temporary monogamy-- to build the foundation of trust and intimacy), The Monogamist is unavailable to me in a different way than The Last Unavailable Guy (TUG). (In a year of off-and-on again, TUG merely grew to be "fond" of me, rather than entirely charmed and enchanted. DICKHOLE! Every time I think I'm past my anger, it flares up again.)
Anyway, poly friends say, "When you date someone 'mono,' they figure that you'll naturally outgrow poly and decide you want monogamy when you really get to know/love him."
By now, I know myself pretty well. I have a very wide sexual palate. I love variety in sex as much as I do in food. I don't want to eat in the same restaurant or prepare the same dish every night. Why would I want the same sexual dish served up to me with a couple different spices every day and night?
The firemanbythesea, though poly, sweet and a good lay, is unavailable in a different way. He is married (remarkably enough I was able to verify with his wife that it's okay) and has young . Those things --committed with young -- mean he is not primary partner material for me. Though I believe love is infinite, as far as I know time is finite. He will only have a certain amount of time/freedom to devote to me. I'd much rather find someone whose life circumstance offers the same amount of freedom mine does.
So, to keep it casual, I've decided I won't allow myself to see either of these men more than once or twice a month. Another poly friend suggested time limits and no sleeping over as other means to avoid the desire-for-bonding trap I keep stumbling into.
Why torture myself by falling for men who are unavailable to me? "Just keep it casual," I tell myself.
But I know that I'm really not casual because I believe in giving everything I've got, not holding back when I feel something. A friend said to me when I was facing the end of a relationship, "If it ends, will it hurt any less because you held back on loving as much as you could?"
So, when I'm in...I'm all in.
I do wonder, however, if there's some middle ground that I'm missing between the diving into water of unknown depth (or when I suspect it's too shallow for me) and holding back on my natural desire to connect.
What about you...have you found a way to keep it casual that seems to work for you?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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How do you do that Voodoo that you Do So Well?
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Posted:Apr 5, 2016 9:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2016 10:29 am
9519 Views
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Frankly, I think there's a lot of quackery out there. Just take a look at Book of Face and how many ads are there now for creams that promise eternal youth...or at least to erase the fine lines around your eyes.
What about the smile line grooves of my cheeks?
Add to that the multiple pills, liquids and weird concoctions that are supposed to help you lose weight, and, wow, there's a lotta stuff out on which to waste money.
So let's talk about the other stuff, the stuff for which there's no proof that it works. I'm thinking about chiropractic work, in particular. I will admit that having my amazing chiropractor re-set the vertebrae in my back and use his "activator" on my abused thumb relieve the pain and make me feel great...for about two days.
He did some voodoo just the other day on the tendons of my right knee which I stretched in a very unpleasant way while snowboarding in icy spring conditions in Mammoth last weekend. Using something that thumps to realign bones is very unlikely to do a darned thing for stretched tendons. (Ooh, you shoulda heard the popping sounds in my knee as I was tucking and rolling over my right knee pointing in a direction it did not want to go. I hope never to hear such sounds again!)
Next, I'm a big fan of "tapping" aka "Emotional Freedom Technique" or EFT. In my mind, combining Neurolinguistic Programming (by which I mean shifting negative self talk to focus on loving and accepting oneself) combined with tapping energy spots in the body is likely to impact people. I just found some research that backs me up. You may look up David Feinstein's 2012 article in "Review of General Psychology" on "Acupoint Stimulation in Treating Psychological Disorders." (I did have a link here, but it was edited out by this fine site (A*F*F) which prefers to make sure that you never leave the premises.
Take that, Mr. Smartypants, who said that I'd be better off tapping his dick to deal with my anxiety about driving in the Bay Area.
Oh, I'm also certified to Level 2 of Reiki energy healing, but I prefer Sex Magick, offering up my orgasms to heal friends' problems long distance or in support of whirled peas.
I've tried some terrible tasting herbal brews from a Chinese MD who combines western medicine with ancient remedies. I gave it up because brewing the concoctions was such a pain in the ass. However, my friend who went through chemo and radiation recently for breast cancer swears that the herbs kept her from feeling terrible since she had to stop her bioidentical hormone regimen.
Ooh, that's another one I've tried. The idea is that rubbing cream or gel with estradiol and testosterone and taking a progesterone pill will help one to maintain the vitality of youth. I found it pretty much just took a bunch of money out of my pocket. Now I pop pills to provide the same benefit...or, at least, to modulate the terrible hot flashes I was experiencing every time I got anxious, aroused or exercised.
I just thought of one more for which I have no proof except that I know my face looks better than it did before I started treatments. I own a professional grade micro-current facial machine. It sends tiny shocks to the muscles and stimulates them to be stronger. The practice has been around since the '70s when it was used to help injuries and wounds heal faster and, of course, since looking good as we age is important to most of us, it's become a cosmetic product. I'll have to remember to use it on my knee and not just be so vain and zap my face! (I zapped my knee yesterday, and I'll do it again today. It can't really hurt, and since I own the machine, it's cheaper than the laser at the chiropractor's office.)
Here are some things that I know do work based on my own life experience: sleep, exercise and eating well.
Are there some voodoo activities or potions you believe in despite a lack of evidence? Or do you go with straight western allopathic medicine for your health or emotional issues?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Why Blog?
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Posted:Mar 30, 2016 7:30 am
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2016 4:37 pm
9943 Views
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This morning, I almost leapt out of bed to go delete last night's post Unknown I felt waaaaay too revealed in having poured out the inner workings of the mind that is helping me to process and let go of heartbreak/disappointment/loss.
My thoughts (not in the exact order I thought them):
* What will guys think, particularly the ones on this site who are lining up to jump my bones? (The only ones I actually care about are those who are smart enough to read my blog in order to connect with me. All right. Caught me. The ones with a really great, huge dick pic also pique my interest. If they ain't got repartee, I call them "Duct Tape Boys.") Shouldn't I try to paint a happy, fun picture of what a cool chick I am? Who wants to read a sour grapes-smelling spew? (Except that, now that i think of it, wine comes from fermented grapes, so...)
* What if HE--since I did tell HIM (the Former Partner in Crime) that I'm writing about him-- decided to check out my blog? I'd be humiliated to have him know I haven't yet stopped thinking about him. I'd like to get all Rosie Perez on his ass: "Yeah, Pendejo, I've moved on. No big deal. Plenty of fish in the sea. Mama bicho!" Nope, I believe in being honest. Ending with him has been the most wrenching, enduring pain (for about three months, so I think I'm getting near the end)*. Even ending my 17-year marriage, there were breaks between the waves of grief that would work me again. I guess it's a cruel trick of my wiring that the more unavailable the man, the more I will toss my heart in his path for him to stomp on. (* Though I do wonder if the pain of ending relationships is like childbirth; If we could remember how much it hurts, no one would ever risk love again...or have a second . Good thing I got two in one go (twins)!)
* What if revealing one of the worst things he did --calling me "a , for crissakes"-- calls into question whether I am one? TRUTH: I educate and heal sexual issues and am well paid for it. Nose in the air, "The politically correct term is 'sex worker.'" Only my fellow ho's are allowed to joke about bein' a . It's like using the "N" word, Hijo de la Gran Puta!
And, finally, the reason I did not delete it:
* I write this stuff down because I need to stop the words chasing one another around in my busy brain.
So, you, why do you blog?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
P.S.--More truth...I looked up the juicily vulgar Puerto Rican expressions to go along with my fake Rosie Perez swagger. Pendejo = Cock Sucker. Mama bicho = Suck cock. Even more appropriate in this context, "Hijo de la Gran Puta" means, literally, "You of a Huge ." My apologies to his mother. She may have been a lovely person, which would not explain why he's so emotionally detached...but all that...
Makes me wonder why so many nasty expressions include yo' mama? "Me cago en la madre!" is, literally, (UGH!) "I shit on your mother," but it really just means "Fuck!" or "Shit!" "Mama Bicho," on the other hand, comes from the verb "mamar," which means to suck (at the motherly mammary), and "bicho," well, that remains the part of him I miss the most.
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Posted:Mar 29, 2016 10:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2016 10:02 am
9560 Views
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SPOILER ALERT: The following piece is personal and cathartic, as well as wordy. I almost deleted it except for Reason #1 (below) about why I'm getting to the point of (almost) being relieved that he didn't love me back.
***
Now, on with the show!
"I'm not worthy!" I've always loved that bit in "Wayne's World." Along with "Schwing!" to indicate the raised interest in a babe.
I imagine most of us feel "I'm not worthy" from time to time.
Today, finally, I realized without malice or anger that HE (the former Partner in Crime --FPIC-- aka The Total Dickhole) is not worthy...
Of the past couple months' anguish because he was just not that into me after I'd spent a year doing back flips to demonstrate how wonderful I am.
Not worthy of me because:
1) I do not hide who I am. My twins --who will be 21 in less than a month-- know I teach about sex. And that I believe in and enjoy an adventurous, bi, sex life. I've kept it age-appropriate with them for years but I've refused to hide. Not even from my mother who didn't speak to me for a year and a half after she visited my sex coaching website.
2) My mantra: "Grow or Die." His: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Dude, you are broken, just like the rest of us. I have looked into the abyss. I'm healing. All the cognitive behavioral self talk won't help you stop running from your fear of emotional connection and how much it can hurt. I would walk beside you on that path...without any promise of a future together just because I love you and truly desire that you live your best life. If you said that I know you better than anyone else (and you did), and I said I don't know you at all (which I did)...well, what does that say about you and your ability to reveal yourself?
3) I am NOT a . Calling me one means you do not understand the nature of what I do and my calling to help people fully enjoy the pleasure of their bodies.
4) I do not myself that I am "a giver" when it comes to sex. I do what's fun for me. Often, what's fun for me is to give what's hot for the other person.
5) We all benefit and grow by connecting in community. My peeps, my community, are those who choose to love and fuck in ways that do not fit in the default monogamy, culturally acceptable box.
I WILL NOT LIVE IN A BOX.
All this became crystal clear last night as I debated in a mineral hot spring (I have lots of realizations in hot springs) with a very delightful new FB (Fuck Buddy--met through Tinder) who maintains:
"If you truly loved someone, wouldn't you absolutely want monogamy?"
"No," I said, adding, "I can love deeply without desiring or requiring monogamy. Why would I deny myself sexual self expression or deny my partner the opportunity to be adventurous?" (There were a lot more words and lots of wine, but you get the gist.)
I believe that monogamy is the default setting, based in fear, in search of false security. Doubtless, I'll return to this topic of monotony (sic) vs polyamory again.
And finally,
6) Let's say he finally wised up and 10 years or 10 days from now said, "Angie, I made a mistake. I want to be with you." He would have to work so hard to show isn't just "settling" for me. And he'd have to change his spots (see above). And we all know that will happen when Hades freezes over.
So...I am worthy of being truly loved and adored by The One (or thinking poly, loved by The Many) who is worthy of me.
I'm embarrassed of all the cliches and mixed metaphors above but I swam in the flow of my ice cold crystal clear vision.
Brain freeze.
So, was there a time when it became clear to you why it didn't work even though you wanted it so, so, so much?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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What does I put the "i" in Pig mean?
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Posted:Mar 25, 2016 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2016 10:34 pm
9586 Views
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Yes, I play kinky.
Best description of me:
Bi Poly Switch with a Wide Streak of Vanilla. Vanilla is important to me because I know the power of intimate, sacred sex. I've been studying and practicing Tantra for nearly 20 years.
"Kink" is new to me. I'm a Professional Domina, as well as a Sex Educator, with little interest in dominating in my personal life. Not big on the S/m (sadism/masochism and pain part of BDSM), I love role play, particularly Daddy who puts me over his knee to spank me.
Kinky and I put the "i" in pig makes me think of two things:
1) When I took the course from Madam Cleo duBois in San Francisco at the S/m Academy of Arts for Dominant Women and Women who Switch (switch = go from Dominant to submissive), the submissive subject for my final exam was called "Piggy." He was a pig for punishment. He liked to be kicked in the balls. No shit! It took me a while to warm up to the idea because I've only heard about how sensitive are the bat & balls. (And I'm a big cock aficionado.) But, once I let my sadist out, Piggy had to "safe word" which means tap out. He said, "Mercy, Mistress!" so I'd quit. And I did immediately. Cuz that's how S/m works. The submissive is actually in charge cuz s/he can stop the scene at any time for any reason. Some times BDSM scenes unintentionally trigger scary memories and the players stop to talk about it.
2) I've never met a pork product I did not adore (Except I've never tried pig's feet). So, does liking pork ribs, bacon, pork chops, pancetta, sausage, carnitas, pork tenderloin, etc., make me kinky?
What the heck do you think I put the "i" in pig means?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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I fucked a FIREMAN!
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Posted:Mar 20, 2016 11:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2016 4:41 pm
10526 Views
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News Flash: "I fucked a FIREMAN!!!"
So maybe it's bad manners (or, horrors...SLUTTY!) to brag about conquests. As a woman, I know it's easy to get a guy to "yes." I've got two texting me right now these annoying prayer hands:
🙏🏽 (Read Your Hard Dick is NOT My Problem)
All we women have to do is NOT say "no."
But, here's what I was thinking as I soaked in the mineral hot spring in Ojai last night. A fireman, err (PC Angel whispers in my ear "firefighter") male firefighter, risks his life running into burning buildings to save us. How hot is that?!?
Plus, this particular firefighter is cute, sweet, has a big dick and tremendous stamina! Check out: FiremanByTheSea FiremanByTheSea.
So I fucked a firefighter and now I'm irked with myself for fucking an icon instead of a real person.
It reminds me of when I got disgusted with this site the last time 'round. I couldn't believe the number of guys who wanted to fuck me after 10 minutes of chat.
"Why me?" I wondered aloud.
My Brilliant Therapist replied, "Angie, they want to fuck the pin-up, the live version of the picture they've been wanking to."
The "pin-up" was this photo:
Ahhh...the light dawns. That's why it troubled me. I knew, instinctively, while we were fucking that the guys were not even present with me as a real person and IT DID NOT MATTER. TO THEM.
So, anyway, I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm no more evolved than every guy I accused of thinking with his dick.
Here's a bonus embarrassing admission. I have a thang for black men. As a rule, they just look more appetizing, more like chocolate cake, than white guys. So black men get the extra TABOO points with me. End of my embarrassing admissions for the moment.
Got any embarrassing lusts/star fucking you're willing to divulge?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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What do you call it? You know that f*@king thing?
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Posted:Mar 18, 2016 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2016 11:21 am
10699 Views
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Here's something that gives me pause when I'm talking to a new suitor on this site or any of the various online dating options.
Tangent: When I say "talking," I actually mean talking in person as we walk along the beach. Or some times talking by phone. When my 21-year-old says he's "talking" with a girl, it almost always means he's texting. I hate idle texting. I disdain those "Hi there" or "Good night" messages. However, I love sexting which, for me, means trading naughty jokes rather than nude photos.
Back on topic:
As a Sex Coach, I talk a lot about sex. In fact, it's my favorite topic. With , I may use clinical terms like penis, vagina, intercourse or oral sex. In my personal life, I'm pretty forthright about my interest in pussy, cock, fucking and sucking. And I relish the sound of the "f" word in its proper context.
So, it stops me in my tracks if someone talks about "making love," especially if we're talking for the first time as we walk on the beach. For me, making love is something that happens with intimacy over time. It's not just a style thing. Some people can talk about fucking and sucking (as I do) and they can actually be quite slow and sensual in their approach (as I can be). I can also be a raunchy, rowdy cowgirl who likes to ride hard.
"Making love" implies to me that a heart connection is present in the experience. How could that happen on the trial run? NOTE: I already wrote in When is the right time to have sex for the first time about how I prefer to fuck early on. Then, I may become infatuated if the sex is good to great and frequent. I don't talk about making love until I'm actually practicing Tantric sex with a partner to whom I'm prepared to open my heart and lay down my defenses. And he or she is willing to do the same.
Oh, and I prefer "get naked," rather than "play" when it's a group gathering.
What about you? What words do you choose for this sex thing?
{=} {=} {=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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When is the right time to have sex for the first time?
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Posted:Mar 9, 2016 11:58 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2016 1:35 pm
11408 Views
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I don't mean necessarily the real first time EVER, like this post The First TimeEver You Penetrated My Pussy. I mean the first time with a new partner.
As part of my preparation to work as a Sex Coach, I completed a whole series of weekend workshops on "Understanding Men," offered by PAX Programs. The creator of the programs, Alison Armstrong, spent thousands of hours interviewing men, women and couples to find out what helps make partnership work.
I was curious to find out what she said about the right time for a woman to have sex the first time with a man she desires because 1) women are traditionally the gatekeepers to sex 2) Armstrong's approach is based on the idea that men are biologically hard-wired to be hunters and women as
gatherers. I wondered if she'd say something about making the man pursue his quarry for a long time.
But, no, her answer was brilliant in my opinion. The right time to have sex the first time --or to experiment with something new (to her) like a 3some or anal sex-- is when the woman believes there's a good chance of getting her needs met. Now, when I've asked women what their needs are for having sex the first time, they're often puzzled. So, a question that generates an answer is, "Think of when you've been upset about providing sex for the first time (or trying something new), what went wrong and what would make it better for you?"
So, a woman needs to answer that question for before, during, right after and two to five days after. And what can NEVER happen during sex.
Because I'm an admitted SLUT (See [post 3774162]), I consider having sex for the first time quite often. Because it's pretty much a coin toss about whether a guy will have the skill or stamina to meet my sexual needs and desires, I don't think so much about that one. So, instead, I ask myself, "Do I want to see him naked?" I figure that if he's not entirely clueless about a woman's body and he's interested in my pleasure, I can probably teach him over time the operating instructions for what I know gives me a great experience and then I'm happy to let someone, who's certified in my body, freelance so I can figure out what else I might not yet know that I'd enjoy.
So, my considerations before are pretty simple: 1) Do I know his first and last name? 2) Will I be in a place I consider safe? or 3) If I'm going to his place, do I have a safe call person? 4) Am I willing to have a safer sex conversation before having sex?
There's only one thing that can NOT happen during sex. Unless it's a work or emergency, there should be no phone interruptions.
Some times it's fun to call my friends while fucking so they can join in by phone, but it's not something I do all the time. And only if my sex partner agrees. There was this one time, see, when a guy who liked humiliation had me sitting on a "throne" over his face. He encouraged me to call my gal pals. I rounded up three of my slutty pals for a conference call and enjoyed a gab session while he licked my ass.
That was sorta fun, actually, due to the novelty of the situation.
During sex the first time, I prefer to keep it short and have a specified amount of time. I think 25-45
minutes is sufficient for a trial run.
I like a phone call or text the next day, with some kind words of appreciation, and that's about it. If the sex was fun or passable, I'm willing to try it another time or two. If the sex doesn't excite me to want more after the third time, I move on.
I have two questions that puzzle me, however. 1) I do wonder if I make a mistake in having sex the first time with a new potential partner the first time I meet him. My 20-year-old , who is wise beyond her years, asked me recently, "Mom, do you ever consider going more slowly when what you're looking for a is a partner rather than just another fuck buddy?"
I replied automatically, "No, because I like sex too much to wait around, decide I like someone and find out he sucks in bed." But now I'm wondering if --given the cultural standards about what it means to be a slut-- if I'm making a mistake and a man appreciates me less because I'm an easy "yes."
And 2) I wonder if a man is making a mistake when he says to me, "No, not this time. Next time." I'm of the opinion that the minute a woman says anything that resembles "Let's have sex," the man should immediately stop talking and disrobe (unless they're in the middle of a crowded restaurant). Keep talking and you risk having her discover she doesn't really want to spend a single second more with you, much less get naked with you.
In my case, I've twice recently had guys tell me "No, not this time." One said he was holding out because it would build my desire for him. The other said it's just his preference to meet the first time and NOT have sex so there's no pressure for the first meeting.
I think they both made a mistake. In the first case, I won't be horny, longing for the guy who wants to make me wait. I'll simply have sex with someone else. And, in the second case, now I feel pressure to put out the next time. And I HATE to feel like sex is compulsory. That will make me less likely to want to see the guy again, because he'll assume I'm an easy "yes" on the second meeting. Not so.
I figure it's a delightful surprise to meet a woman who is easy to get into bed on the first date. Now I have time to think a whole lot about whether I want to see him naked and what it will be like. And my fantasies about first time sex are rarely good. Because I've had a LOT of first time sex experiences. My first time with a my new BFF Jade was the best first time sex EVER. Okay, so it wasn't really the first time to have sex with her. We'd had side by side sex with other partners and it was the first time we were focused solely on one another. Rarely do I find it satisfying with a guy the first time. So, my expectations are pretty low. Ah ha, that's why I figure we might as well get it out of the way so we can go on to improve after the first time.
So, anyway, those are the things that I'll think about and then decide I don't want to have sex with someone who gave me too long to think about it! Or I'll say "no" on the second date just to be a contrarian.
Or, am I really displaying my need to be in control? When a man has said "no" to me once, by saying "no" the next time, am I really just being obstinate and taking back my role as gatekeeper?
What about you? When do you think is the right time to have sex for the first time?
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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What's behind the MILF Fantasy?
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Posted:Mar 7, 2016 11:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2016 6:50 am
11271 Views
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I really don't get it. Why do I get emails from guys in their 20s old telling me they want to meet me RIGHT NOW?!? (My profile says I seek those 40+.)
Spoiler Alert: I have a gorgeous, smart who will be 21 in April. It squicks the crap out of me to consider fucking someone his age.
I've got nothing against age play. Kink, specifically making power play explicit, is one of the things I love. I harbored a Daddy/Little Girl fantasy for a LONG time before I found a man I trusted enough to play it out. He was two years younger than I. Because it's about power, not about fucking a stand-in for my 76-year-old dad. Ewww!
As "Mommy," a whole lot of filth spewed from my mouth in play with a guy who is 10 years older than I. In my opinion, that's healthy, playing out fantasy with someone who is a peer.
I understand testosterone coursing through their blood stream, creating an erection just from a breeze and a desire to jerk off many times a day, but why the older woman thing?
Do they think I'm easier or hornier than girls in their 20s? For that, they need to hit on women in their 40s. When I was perimenopausal (Look it up, Boys!), my hormones were popping off such that I was horny as a teenage boy. Now, sadly, I don't feel that "She Gotta Have It" feeling without an exciting human being across the table from me. (None of them will likely know the reference to the 1986 Spike Lee movie by that name...because it came out 10 years before they were born! Another reason I don't date younger men. They don't get my cultural references.)
Here's what I want to write to guys under 30, "Why the fuck are you interested in me? I am easily the age of your mother. Go find an open-minded girlfriend your own age who will pretend to be 'Mommy' and take care of your needs, Baby."
What I'm thinking is, "Have you actually seen the sagging tits, belly stretch marks and vulva of a 50+-year-old woman? Most of us are not Demi Moore. We don't have the time, money or interest in working to look 24."
And then I add just to myself, "I'm just not attracted to younger men. For me, attraction begins with my mind. Young guys have no idea how to engage my fantasies. They think youth is all*, but, really, they want me to do all the heavy lifting** for their fantasy. Because who I am as a person is not important."
**THAT REQUIRES ROLE PLAY FOR WHICH I GET PAID A LOT OF money.
* Okay, because I always speak straight, I will say that beautiful (BIG) dick pix give them an advantage. Also, well-built men with nicely muscled bodies...like my gorgeous . Oops! TMI? However, my assumption is that most young guys come too quickly for my satisfaction. So even that advantage isn't a big one.
Finally, because many of them dictate their responses to me on some app and don't know the difference between "you're" and "your" and "too" and "to," they don't bother to correct grammatical errors. I judge that as lacking education or not caring how they present themselves.
So, now I'd like to hear another perspective. What am I missing? What do I not understand about 20-year-old male sexuality? And what's behind The Older Woman Fantasy?
I'm going to post this blog so I have an automatic response for young men. They are welcome to show how I'm mistaken in my assumptions.
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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To link to this blog (bipolybabe69) use [blog bipolybabe69] in your messages.
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