Oops! The Laundry Guy now knows I'm a SLUT.*
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Posted:Feb 4, 2016 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2016 12:07 pm
8767 Views
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This is a true story...much to my chagrin.
I enjoy double entendres and sexy texting with friends. On good days, I have texted indecent proposals to my partner in crime ALL DAY LONG. I'm a fast typist, so when I'm at home, I text from my computer in the Mac program called iMessage* (now "MessageS"), which shows all the people I'm texting in a line. One after another.
Each week, I text The Laundry Guy (TLG) to ask if he can pick up my used sheets and towels and deliver them back to me, clean and neatly folded.
I was typing fast and, well, you guessed it, I invited TLG, rather than my partner in crime, to meet up with me, knock over a swinger couple and have a little bananas & cream in a game I called "Bowling for Fuckers."
I blushed intensely as I apologized when TLG came by to pick up my laundry the next TWO times. (It happened TWICE! My fast fingers only learned their lesson the second time.)
TLG, balding, in his mid-60s, said sweetly, "I thought it was funny...but I was glad my wife didn't see it!"
Warmly,
Angie aka BiPolyBabe69
* Next story: What it means to be a SLUT.
NOTE: When I told this story to a new friend, he said he'd had the same mix-up in texts from his phone going to two different women he was seeing, one with whom he did sexy texting and none who was pissed off when she got the message intended for the other one.
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Just say "NO" to LOL! Instead, I GLFFT.
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Posted:Feb 1, 2016 12:33 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2016 1:10 pm
8220 Views
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I think we should all invent our own text-isms, the acronyms that let us shorten our two thumb typing.
I know I can now dictate my texts to my beloved iPhone, but then I need to correct them. Teaching judgmental Siri to stop changing "fucking" to "ducking" takes time:
"Yes, Siri-Honey," I say patiently, "I am a SLUT*. I use the word 'fucking' often.
If you were really smart, Siri, you'd make sure you never sent that word to The Laundry Guy (TLG-- Story to Follow**) or to my twins."
Anyway, my fave acronym is "GLFFT."
You won't find it in Google or the Urban Dick-tionary.
I "Giggle like a Filthy Fuck Toy."
A woman friend asked, sort of puzzled, "Why a 'Fuck Toy'?"
"Because I'm not a passive doll. I am a woman who delights in and is empowered by my joy in my body," I replied.
I invented that acronym for someone. He didn't value that gift. So, I'm taking it back.
GLFFT.
I also enjoy GBBL, which, of course, is Great Big Belly Laugh.
What are some of the acronyms you use with delight?
Warmly, wickedly,
BiPolyBabe aka Angie
* Note to Self: Story on what SLUT means
** Note to Self: Story about texting TLG
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Sex, I mean, Six Desert Island Books
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Posted:Jan 31, 2016 9:34 am
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2016 8:31 am
8581 Views
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I hadn't ever considered which books I'd want if stranded on a desert island, but I was asked this question by humorlife.
The problem is, I'm not big on re-reading fave books. I am all about novelty in every area of my life. So, Genie in the Bottle, I want sex, I mean, six new books to show up every time I get to the end of the previous six.
But, that would be cheating. And I do not cheat. But I do bend the rules to suit me.
Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity." Actually, I'd rather have the DVD (and a DVD player, of course) starring John Cusack. I have a huge crush on John Cusack, and I think Hornby's one of the cleverest writers on the planet. I adored his latest: "Funny Girl." I even read "Fever Pitch" about his love of soccer because he makes any topic interesting.
Rita Mae Brown's "Rubyfruit Jungle." I actually read this one a few times many years ago because it made me laugh out loud each time. When I told my brother and sister I loved the book, they exchanged knowing glances, sure that was a sign that I'm gay and didn't know it. They were wrong. I'm bi and like stuff that makes me laugh.
Barbara Kingsolver's "Prodigal Summer." Springtime, the budding, flowering and opening of plants has never been sexier.
"Guide to Getting it On." It's super thick and has answers to just about any sex question you might come up with. Who knows...with all those hours on a deserted island...maybe I'll dream up questions I don't know the answer to. After all, we don't know what we don't know.
Pablo Neruda's "100 Love Sonnets" in both English and Spanish. Entirely beautiful.
Okay, so the top five rolled right off my fingers. Now...for #6. Gimme a good survival on a desert island book. I need to figure out which berries are edible, how to build a fire, make condoms from banana leaves, or if it's truly a deserted island, carve myself a BBB (Big Black Bill).
Yep, that's my list. What would be on your top six list?
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FWB: A Cautionary Tale for the Sixteenth Virtual Symposium
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Posted:Jan 31, 2016 8:44 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2016 9:58 pm
12406 Views
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There's an interesting writing event going on here: [post Participants List For The Sixteenth Virtual Symposium Friends With Benefits Sixteenth Virtual Symposium]. The topic is "FWB," friends with benefits so I thought I'd rub out a quick one out here.
***
Looking back, I shoulda known better. After all, I make my living coaching others about sex and relationships. I'm a Sexpert...and this is a case of "Do as I say, not as I do."
I met this guy, you see. I liked him more than he liked me. He told me on our third date, "Angie, I don't want a 'Relationship.' I'm strictly casual."
I replied, "See you in a month."
Because that's what I believe I can handle: casual sex aka FWB or Fuck Buddy with whom I grind one out every 30 days or so.
Know why?
The bonding effects of Oxytocin.
Oxytocin is the hormone released in the body when one is touched. It's what makes our pets attached to us and us to them. We pet them, we all get a dose of Oxytocin and purr.
According to what I've read, women get a 100x stronger dose of Oxytocin than men do with orgasm. And it lasts 2-3 weeks, serving the biological purpose of having the desire to hang around a man until we figure out if we're carrying his baby or not. For men, the effect lasts 2-3 days.
But, I liked this guy. A lot. I wanted to spend more time with him. I thought he wouldn't be able to help falling in love with me. I am sexually adventurous, and I'd always been curious about swinging. So invited him to be my "Partner in Crime." Actually, he chose that title to describe our relationship. (I persuaded him that an open relationship with a small "r" was different than a Relationship. I'm a relationship person. We tried to be totally honest with one another and continued to date others.)
Long story short, we spent lots of time together. We met couples locally. We went to sex parties, Sea Mountain Inn (my fave spot) and Sin City 5 in Vegas where we bagged two unicorns. (Did I mention that I invented a game called "Bowling for Fuckers?" where we'd meet couples, line them up and then knock 'em down and fuck them? Yep, we were a great team. We had a lot of fun, including just being together. Over time, I'll write about more of this stuff.)
Anyway, I developed an even greater desire to be bonded with him. I told him I was infatuated. He told me he was "fond" of me. While he displayed tremendous enthusiasm for "new pussy," any pussy (besides mine) within reach of his dick, I grew into a Green-Eyed Monster and found it impossible to swing with him any longer. I didn't want to fuck some guy I'd just met in order to make it possible for him to fuck new pussy. I thought I'd like 3somes better, so I set about trying that...without him.
What did I learn?
Hmmmm...Not a darned thing! Knowing what I do now and how much it ultimately hurt that he didn't care about me or my feelings even after railing me regularly for a year, I would still have done it. But I won't do it any more now. I refuse to suffer watching him dive bomb the pussy I provide access to. Let some other poor sucker be a pussy/patsy for him.
I would only engage in swinging again with a partner who adored me. But I am grateful that I've retained as FWB the couples we met together. I've found I adore a threesome in which the woman is truly bi!
Warmly, wickedly,
Angie aka BiPolyBabe69
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"Do you date married guys?"
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Posted:Jan 29, 2016 3:27 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2016 3:03 pm
8143 Views
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The answer is "yes" and "no."
I don't judge how others enjoy their bodies. I think sex is important enough that if you're not getting it at home or not getting what you desire (maybe you want her to initiate or dominate and she doesn't), I think you have the right to go find what you need.
Honestly, I'd suggest you have the difficult conversation with her first and say, "Honey, I love you. I love sex with you*. I want our sex to be great. Are you willing to work with me to make it great?"
* As long as that's true and you do actually enjoy sex with her.
But, if she's not willing to work with you on your sex life with her, I suggest you talk to her about having an open relationship. I am an advocate for polyamory aka "poly."
Wikipedia says: "Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
That means...because I'm poly, you need her permission to date me. I need to know that she's okay with it. You need to figure out how to demonstrate that.
It's not just ethical. I've found it's practical. It does not serve me to date men who are unavailable. Even if you are recently divorced, chances are your heart is just not available. And that will break mine.
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To link to this blog (bipolybabe69) use [blog bipolybabe69] in your messages.
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