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Blogs > ptbug2006 > Bugs adventures and babblings

It still hurts  

ptbug2006 51F  
119 posts
10/26/2007 8:12 pm

Last Read:
1/23/2008 9:48 am
It still hurts

My exhusband and I seperated on May 8 2005. Les just say it wasnt amicable or nice or even tense...it was down right nasty. Our divorce was finally done on Aug 8,2006. So I ask you this ...even after all the anger...all the pain...the fighting... the name calling why does it still hurt so damn much.

Nov 14 would of been my 15 yr wedding anniversary. 15 years...famn thats a long time...but really...whaat I wanted ...15 years is only a drop in the bucket.

He called me tonight. Asking me if I would go balistic if he started dating someone again. I told him I didnt care..to do what he wants...but if his new gf ever told my to lie to me like the last one did ....I would rip her throat out...and thats being nice about it.lol

But after that call...knowing beyond knowing that we are over...and never to reconcile again (been there done that got a few battle wounds on the heart to prove it) it still hurts. I still want to sit on my couch....curl up on my bed...hide in a cave and cry my eyes out.

I truely hate that he is moving on and finding happiness with someone else while I am stuck in some kind of sadistic time warp where I just cant stop spinning.

I want to be happy,,,I want someone to spend my evenings and free times with. I just dont understand while it is so hard. some claim it is because my standards are too high...others tell me my standards are not high enough.

Please dont make this out to mean I am desperate for a LTR...Im not ....at least not totally. I just want someone that I can call and talk to and go out with and laugh and you know...truely have a good time. Yeah yeah ...I can do all this with the girls.but you all know its just not the same.

Okay...so I know why it still hurts. Maybe the question should of been....When does it stop hurting so much?
To know me is to be confused by me is to love me.
babyneedsitnow 59M/36F
12 posts
10/26/2007 10:55 pm

 Being Married is very difficult and there is no training for it. And if you can realize that at some time you loved each other and thats good. You should be proud that you were married and see what things you learned from the experience. The more experience you have in life makes you a person with more depth. I believe people do the best they can with what there made of, it does not make it right. ( when I was a little tot I thought my parents could do no wrong)

Let me know if you want more. M


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