Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Forgot password?
Blogs > whoisagentj > The Dossier of Agent J

Hate feeling like I am now...  

whoisagentj 54M
661 posts
7/9/2019 7:19 am

Last Read:
7/10/2019 1:42 pm
Hate feeling like I am now...

Right now my feelings are very mixed and confused at the moment. On one side, I want to have a relationship and lots and lots of sex. Or just sex. Lots and lots of sex. LOL! Ultimately, I do want a relationship. But when one has gone without real sex, not just stick it in and that's it with no cares in the world or a one night stand, but actual intimate relations with a woman. Being able to look into her eyes, and see that she wants you and you want her, and to feel your heart swell with love because she wants you and only you. That is what I really want. To feel wanted. I could even do without the sex part for a while. It's being wanted by a woman. That feeling is amazing.

On the other side...which I'm on now...my mind is a confused and jumbled mess of things. I don't even think I could comprehend a relationship right now. My mind is a blur of work and taking care of my folks who are both sick and tired and my mom with a host of issues and problems. Plus taking care of my . Plus focusing on my bills. I thought that the days off that I was going to have was going to be restful for me. Instead I stayed at home and did nothing but cook and clean and take care of my folks and my family. I got very little rest this weekend. No real getting away or escaping reality or getting away from it all as I felt plagued by my life at home. I still feel like that. Like I'm trapped. Honestly, I want to get AWAY away, if you know what I mean. Like I could escape and go somewhere even if it's for a weekend and just not have to deal with my folks, my , my bills, everything, and just be in the arms of a good woman and just be held and hugged, and doted on for a while so I could feel like a normal human being. Because right now, I'm not feeling that way. And there's this pain. It's like being in a pit of despair, and I know I can get out, but the feeling of panic has overwhelmed me to where I can't see a way out. I know there is a way out, but I'm so overwhelmed with daily life, I can't focus and see that way out.

I don't know why I feel like this. I'm not in a bad place right now. My bill situation is slowly getting better. I can buy stuff for my right now. Things are improving in some areas. But others feel like I'm just trapped and I can't get out. What's worse is I still have that feeling like my mind is mush right now and I can't focus. I should be happy I'm working and have a steady job right now, but I'm so lethargic I don't feel like I want to do anything. And that's a bad thing. Yesterday I sat at my desk, and hardly did anything. Work feels like a massive chore.

Have you ever felt like this? If so, how did you escape feeling like this? What did you do to help you out of this haze?
Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...

Agent


thax013 46M
1089 posts
7/10/2019 1:27 pm

 Sounds like depression. I have faced that many times, and felt the way that you are feeling. I hope that you are not having any suicidal thoughts that you are hiding, if so, then definitely get some help, therapist or support group.

For myself, I have the support of my wife, and her family. I was able to embrace the void, feel nothing, until my head got clear and I could handle life again, then return from the void. I can tell that you do not have that luxury. For my wife, she talked with her doctor, and ended up getting an anti-depressant, which helped her immensely. But then again, whenever she was depressed, I was good and able to help with everything. Still, I think that is a decent avenue to explore.

Caring for loved ones is very hard work, the emotional exhaustion can easily become overwhelming. There should be some support groups, or programs to help. If you are a member of a church, contacting the pastor would be a good step, they tend to know of a lot of the local programs available for help. Even just having a person come over to care, giving you an evening off without the concerns, would help your mental state greatly.

To me, you have sounded like a very interesting person. So I am sure that you will appear that way to others. On this site, there are two main ways to let your unique light shine. Blogging, which you are already doing, and chat rooms. I found that my local chat room of Lower Midwest to be a pretty good place. At first I really could not get to talk with women, so I started doing some witty banter with some of the other guys that were just looking to have fun chatting. Sports, life, hobbies, etc. the women in the room watch these conversations. After a few days, I started getting messages from some of the women, who thought I sounded interesting. Once they see your unique light, I would expect there to be an increased interest, even if it is only for chatting.

You are doing good, needing some help, but good. Keep it up.
Visit my blog if you want to at thax013 and thank you very much!


whoisagentj replies on 7/10/2019 1:42 pm:
Oh god no. No, I'm not even having suicidal thoughts or anything like that at all! Not to make light of it, I think I have a lot to live for with my kids.

I do think that I might be emotionally exhausted however. Taking care of my folks, my kids, my work is very emotionally taxing, and I think that having a lack of sleep has caused me to be burned out. Plus I think the lack of an emotional outlet has been something I've been dealing with and I need to find a group to get back to and get talking again.

davao68 73M

7/9/2019 7:59 am
    Quoting whoisagentj:
    How do you overcome feelings where you felt overwhelmed? I'd love to hear your suggestions on this.
it's called life- live it- family is what it's about- you can't do it all- just do what you can do- your not superman- maybe have you kids help out ?


whoisagentj replies on 7/9/2019 1:05 pm:
Well the kids helping are a no go, because my kids live 40 miles away. So even if they were available, which they are not, them driving 40 miles one way to get there...don't think that's possible. Plus they have their own life and activities, so that's a hard no.

The problem is I can only do so much.

positively4you 74F  
4605 posts
7/9/2019 7:51 am

 I became a widow when I was your age now. My despair was high taking care if him, his dad and a full time demanding job. My dr recommended I try Prozac. It was a huge help. Problems still there but I could cope easier.
After he died, dad in law went to live with his other son, my life became quieter. Weaned off of the meds because I don’t like taking meds, but it did help me. There are advisors who help with caregivers. Maybe find a support group to help with that. And you will meet new people.


whoisagentj replies on 7/9/2019 1:18 pm:
I'm debating if I that's really something I want to do at the moment. I think maybe getting more sleep will be the first thing I try to do first along with some Melatonin to help me get to sleep better.
However, If things don't progress, I probably will check with a doctor to see if I might need to go back on anti-depressants again.

whoisagentj 54M
6060 posts
7/9/2019 7:20 am

 How do you overcome feelings where you felt overwhelmed? I'd love to hear your suggestions on this.
Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...

Agent


Become a member to create a blog