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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
The Self-Congratulating Man
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The Self-Congratulating Man Self-Congratulating Man One who bestows honors upon himself then struts around like a peacock in full plumage as if he actually earned those accolades and honors. Smart people don’t walk around telling people they’re smart Confident people don’t tell people they’re confident Successful people don’t have to say they’re successful at every opportunity Really, this has to be explained? You can’t bestow titles on yourself, draw up an Award Certificate written in crayon, then wave it around proudly. You didn’t earn the title. It is a crown made out of cardboard and duct tape. If we could do that, then I proclaim myself Mrs. Awesome McAwesomeness. Stand in awe at my awesomeness and tremble! No woman is simply going to take your word for it. If you’re telling her, you’re not showing her, which is what you should be doing. Even when asked directly, resist the urge. It’s a trap. You forfeit all the points you would have otherwise gained from having such a quality. You just waste your best card on a play that scores exactly zero points. Let’s give a concrete example in a question that comes up routinely: You: So, what do you look for in a guy? Her: I like confident men Straightfoward enough, right? Option A: Perfect, definite match! You: Confidence isn’t something I lack Option B: Venus says don’t answer this, so punt. Throw it back on her. You: Any luck finding that here? Option C: Amplify to absurdity You: Honey, I’m a modern day Austin Powers …. “Do I make you horny, baby? Do I make you randy?” Option D: Change the subject to deflect off yourself You: Cool. I like smart and articulate women. Do you get to go out at all? First off, in case you’re in the category of not having an answer at all… Then why the hell did you bring it up in the first place??? Stand closer so I can smack you! Even if she answered with something other than confidence, the format stays the same no matter the actual answer. Whatever she says, do you embrace it? Dodge it? Trivialize it? What?? Option A is totally wrong, as it is the whole purpose of this post. Not only is it self-congratulating, it doesn’t allow the conversation to go anywhere. You know what I hear every time a man self-congratulates himself? I hear “I’ve just boxed you into a point in the conversation where I’m forcing you to tell me how great and wonderful I am, so bring it on, let the praises begin!” And you know how I weasel out of that? By giving you such conversation killers such as “Cool” … “ok” … “nice” … “Good to know” … Don’t you just love when women give you line after line of that? /s And when you get resentful that you don’t get the accolades you wanted, and she’s resentful that she was boxed in like that, how do you think the conversation is going to go? The thing is, most people don’t recognize this as the moment where the conversation started declining, so they never adjust the behavior. Option B is the single most likely answer to be given, but it too is wrong. Though it is not immediately obvious as to why. She has a range of responses she can go with, and all of them end up in different places … with NONE of them end up in a good place. None of them advances the conversation. At best, you end up wasting 5 or 6 lines of conversation on trivialities that don’t help you. You cannot waste that many lines of conversation that early in the conversation. You have to make them all count. You neither gain information about her, nor given information about yourself … and that’s the best case scenario. At worst, it goes down some roads that end very badly for you. It could be perceived as taking backhanded pot shots at the competition in an effort to look good (confident people simply don’t do this). It is an unconscious signal that your value isn’t high, and that the only way to compete is to drag the value of others down. It also sets up a weird dynamic where the specter of your unseen competition starts casting a long shadow on the rest of the conversation. Don’t concern yourself with what others are doing or how successful they are with me. Or do you need constant validation that you’re doing better? What are you? A who needs constant petting? “Who’s a pretty girl!!! Yes, you are, you’re the pretty girl!!!” Option D is wrong. Changing the subject is often a good way of weaseling out of shit tests, but it won’t work in cases where you were the one who brought up the topic in the first place. This is a good tactic, but it is being used in the wrong circumstance. Option C is the answer I’d go with – Amplify to Absurdity. First off, I wouldn’t ask what she likes in a guy in the first place. It’s a bad question that has nowhere to go except down this rabbit-hole. But if you absolutely MUST acknowledge it, do it in a way that can’t be taken seriously, that way she can’t fault you for it. It doesn’t ask for validation. This is also the only option that actually opens up conversation. In this case, she can laugh (which is a high priority in the early stages of a conversation). She can even play along if she wants. It draws her into the conversation. Remember, you can’t praise yourself. It just don’t work for women. You absolutely MUST learn how to structure the conversation in such a way as to be able to demonstrate your good qualities, without actually having to verbally say it. |
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Partly, I totally agree with you. I never ask woman what she is looking for. It is a trap. She will play it. Expectations will go sky high. There is only the down fall. I consider action being important than cheap talk. One can talk all they want but action is king. That is going both ways.   Cum to my blog and respond.  Have a great kissing fun time. 
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Are you keeping score of the success rate of men following your advice to them?
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Show, never tell.
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