Just to Touch You - a Blog Post by Paulxx001

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10/22/2018 11:42 pm

Last Read:
5/26/2019 1:14 pm

Just to Touch You

I was rummaging through a kitchen drawer last Saturday, looking for a pair of scissors, when I came across this hand written, faded letter, in an envelope, addressed to me. It was from Dianne - an ex girlfriend, from long ago. I opened it, sat down and began to read...

Dear Paul,

I woke up in the middle of the night and reached across the bed, just to touch you - but you weren't there. My pillows still smell like you, and I. am already sorry for saying what I said to you.

But I really don't understand how you can be such an asshole sometimes. You play this game with my heart and you think you can get away with it because of your cute ass and those fucking eyes of yours. You know you can hypnotize me with the words you say and how you say them, and you do that on purpose. There's a name, a word , for a man like you. It describes who you are and how you selfishly, seduce and treat women. I just can't think of that name right now, but YOU know it!

I said to you, that I could change, so just give me time. Give me a chance. You know we're good together. We are fucking good together and yet you treat US, as if it's just a sex thing. It's more than that. Much more !

If what you said to me last night is true and if that's the way you feel - then I don't want to see you again. And that's MY truth !

You know I love you Paul. You know we could make this work ! Can't we try?

Love
Dianne

I held that scrawled, rambling, repetitive note in my hand - and paused. Dianne's seething anger toward me, was obvious. She likely, might have been hammered, when she wrote it. I mean honestly... I could not have been, sooo horrible, that she would call me a lothario - that name she was searching for. Nor was I as shallow, as she implied I was... She must have been confused...

I was in my mid twenties when I met her, and I recall that Dianne and I were only together for about a year. Aside from the sex - I didn't think we had that much, going for us. I was never with her again, after the night she wrote me that letter. And I only saw her, one other time, in my life.

She was in a packed, smoky and sweaty night club, with her new boyfriend. They were crammed shoulder to shoulder, sharing a wobbly, grimy little table, with a half dozen people. I was with a couple of my friends - and we were leaving that dive . The music was loud, Dianne and I made eye contact, smiled meekly at each other and tried to say hello. I felt sorry for her. She didn't look, particularly happy. Her sullen eyes followed me as I passed.

I looked at the letter, I still held in my hands. I folded it up into the envelope, put it in the drawer and pushed the drawer shut - then sat there for a few seconds more.

Finally, I shook my head, got up from the chair, and continued my search... for those elusive scissors.

© October 2018 Paul P.
...............................................................
So...
Have you ever been in a relationship where you saw things one way and your lover, saw things, in a completely different way ?

Do ever think about an 'ex' of yours and wonder what might have been, or what happened to them?

BTW... Lothario is a nefarious character in the 1605 novel - 'Don Quixote'. Another word to describe him would have been - womanizer .. .
Oh, and the scissors were found where I left them last time I used them - right on my office desk.
. .

... is there another way to look at it
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