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How to fight loneliness
How to fight loneliness I was driving around today listening to my eclectic list, and the song by Wilco came up. How to fight Loneliness. And as is my nature, it got me into overthinking a situation. I've been what I refer to as "Happily Divorced", for about 13 . During the last 13 , I've had a few Semi-LTR, but mostly just FWB's. I was asked by one, if I ever get lonely. I replied with, often alone, but rarely lonely. I go to the beach during off season by myself for a couple of days. Just to be alone. Do some fishing, reflect on my life, and just enjoy the solitude. That said, there have been times when I start to feel lonely. Start thinking maybe I need to rethink my position on finding a LTR. Someone to spend time with, grow with, explore the next stages of life with. Of course then I get a nagging reminder. While, humbly, pretty good at most things I do, I absolutely suck at picking the right woman. It's like I have a broken lady picker, and a crazy lady magnet embedded somewhere within me. So in the past, when I did have a time of loneliness, the results of my finding a partner in crime just drove me further into, thinking it's better to be the solitary man. (another good song) Though lately, the nagging has been slowly rearing it's ugly head. So for all the single people here, or those in a relationship can answer as to when they were single. Do you find yourself lonely most of the time, or just alone? Do you find yourself, forcing a relationship, that you know probably won't work, just so you're not alone? Anyone just absolutely set on the idea of riding out the rest of life alone, with some "friends" along the way? " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx |
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Lyrics to How to Fight Loneliness by Wilco. How to fight loneliness Smile all the time Shine your teeth to meaningless And sharpen them with lies And whatever is going down Will you follow around That's how you fight loneliness You laugh at every joke Drag your blanket blindly Fill your heart with smoke And the first thing that you want Will be the last thing you'll ever need That's how you fight it Just smile all the time Just smile all the time Just smile all the time Just smile all the time " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Great blog, you know I think we all have a crazy meter sometimes, and it's not really about that. I was married to my first husband 14 long abusive years and because of my children I stayed way longer than I should have. And I only knew him a few months. My marriage now I knew him a while as we became friends first, and lived together for over a year almost two before we decided to make it permanent I think it depends on the person and we all have good and bad in us and I think the thing is we need someone to balance each of us out, if that makes sense..
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I have been a widow for 20 yrs. My husband loved to say, life is better when shared. And he was right. You know those who are married like 4 times or more? I wonder about them. Like, how do you do that? Is it like shopping? You just go out and pick a new one? I can’t just go with just anyone. Something has to be there. I also go to the beach alone, and a movie and dinner. At times it is lonely but not always. I learned that I prefer to be alone than with mr wrong and miserable. I do see it is a major agenda for some to find that person. I am not there. If he finds me, ok, if not, I’m ok, too. But what I miss is not the sex so much, it is the intimacy, the hugs.
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Great blog, you know I think we all have a crazy meter sometimes, and it's not really about that. I was married to my first husband 14 long abusive years and because of my children I stayed way longer than I should have. And I only knew him a few months. My marriage now I knew him a while as we became friends first, and lived together for over a year almost two before we decided to make it permanent I think it depends on the person and we all have good and bad in us and I think the thing is we need someone to balance each of us out, if that makes sense.. Your post also brought to mind a thought, are there any that stay in a relationship they're not really happy with, but hate the thought of being alone? I've always liked the idea of balancing each other better than the other analogy's. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Love that. Good explanation.
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I think that's a great description. My mind though gets moving at times of "is it really as glorious as I think it is being alone". Thanks for the response. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I have been a widow for 20 yrs. My husband loved to say, life is better when shared. And he was right. You know those who are married like 4 times or more? I wonder about them. Like, how do you do that? Is it like shopping? You just go out and pick a new one? I can’t just go with just anyone. Something has to be there. I also go to the beach alone, and a movie and dinner. At times it is lonely but not always. I learned that I prefer to be alone than with mr wrong and miserable. I do see it is a major agenda for some to find that person. I am not there. If he finds me, ok, if not, I’m ok, too. But what I miss is not the sex so much, it is the intimacy, the hugs. I wonder about the multiple marriages as well..not just remarried. My dad obviously couldn't stand the thought of being alone and remarried 4 times after being married to my mom for 17 years. I remember thinking, Dad,what the hell are you doing. I'm with you completely on the last two points. I would, could and just might ride it out alone, rather than end up with the wrong person again. And yeah, the sex part isn't that hard to fill, but finding the intimacy is probably what gets me back into the mindset of looking. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I may sound a little jaded but I think men want to remarry more than women. For the sex of course, but I also think they miss the taking care of them, cooking, cleaning, etc. And women, (me), find it liberating to not have to take care of him in that way. I took care of 2 husbands and a father in law for a bit. So, well, I don’t want to pick up after another one. Oh hell, I may be doomed.
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I've been widowed for 15 years and dating now for 8. I have had several long term (or 2) and multiple disappointments. Even when I am alone though, I rarely feel lonely. I don't just do dinner, movies and the beach alone - I go to museums, fairs, festivals, concerts, and vacation all alone. I have discovered that having company for those activities is pleasant but I have gotten so use to doing what I want, when I want that I doubt I will look for anything more than another FWB. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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I may sound a little jaded but I think men want to remarry more than women. For the sex of course, but I also think they miss the taking care of them, cooking, cleaning, etc. And women, (me), find it liberating to not have to take care of him in that way. I took care of 2 husbands and a father in law for a bit. So, well, I don’t want to pick up after another one. Oh hell, I may be doomed. I loved your ending line. and I don't blame you. Though even when i was married, I did most of the cooking. Been single for a while now, so used to cooking and cleaning up after myself. One could say I'm almost housebroken now. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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8/28/2018 4:03 pm |
I am often alone but never lonely. Your profile picts show that you have a friend just like I do, I have a Gresch, but also have pan flute, harmonicas, so I;m never lonely. Plus a 30 to 100 mile views of the Nevada desert. yeah for me lol
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I have been divorced since 1991(nasty) and was not looking forward to being back in the single pool again. But I find I actually enjoy it. I can read when I want, go book shopping, meet a friend for a meal, do nothing all day if that's my mood, and went to Oregon alone. That would have been fun to share to adventure with someone who likes to explore but I cam away with my own memories. I do not think I have ever felt lonely when I knew I was alone. The worst times are Christmas time due to family heartache long ago but I get through it. I like my own company ( maybe someone else might some day) and i have plenty to entertain myself- My life is good!!! (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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I've been widowed for 15 years and dating now for 8. I have had several long term (or 2) and multiple disappointments. Even when I am alone though, I rarely feel lonely. I don't just do dinner, movies and the beach alone - I go to museums, fairs, festivals, concerts, and vacation all alone. I have discovered that having company for those activities is pleasant but I have gotten so use to doing what I want, when I want that I doubt I will look for anything more than another FWB. The end line is what I tell people a lot of times, cause it seems all my friends and kids want me to hurry up and get remarried. I like the fact that if I want to get up on a Saturday and drive to the beach, I do it. If I want to lay in bed watching a movie that morning instead, no one's telling me we should be doing something else. While that is selfish, it isn't lost on me that any relationship demands both sides give. I wonder if I would find it hard to give up those freedoms for any length of time. At 96, I'm getting sort of set in my ways. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Such similar thoughts lately. Been divorced 15 years. In and out of a variety of relationship, different degrees of FWB. Sometimes look back and wonder if I would have made more of an effort they could have turned into something more. Got pre-occupied with family stuff (some health issues, some just like to hang out together). I did the independent woman who prides herself on doing things and going places on her own and now want a friend/companion. I stopped trying to find someone, was complacent with the casual relationships I had. Now as I am older and when I think I am ready for something more substantial, I cannot seem to find anyone.
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I am often alone but never lonely. Your profile picts show that you have a friend just like I do, I have a Gresch, but also have pan flute, harmonicas, so I;m never lonely. Plus a 30 to 100 mile views of the Nevada desert. yeah for me lol Music has a way of soothing emotions, but when I start writing, it can also bring a lot of them to the surface. Enjoy the view and thanks. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I cherish my alone time. I cant say that I have ever been lonely. I sometimes think it might be nice to have someone around full time, but only if they would respect my alone time. "Loneliness is the poverty of soul; Solititude is the richness of self"
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I have been divorced since 1991(nasty) and was not looking forward to being back in the single pool again. But I find I actually enjoy it. I can read when I want, go book shopping, meet a friend for a meal, do nothing all day if that's my mood, and went to Oregon alone. That would have been fun to share to adventure with someone who likes to explore but I cam away with my own memories. I do not think I have ever felt lonely when I knew I was alone. The worst times are Christmas time due to family heartache long ago but I get through it. I like my own company ( maybe someone else might some day) and i have plenty to entertain myself- My life is good!!! In regards to someday. I think I'd say it to you. I hope you find what you're looking for, or when you least expect it, it finds you. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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Such similar thoughts lately. Been divorced 15 years. In and out of a variety of relationship, different degrees of FWB. Sometimes look back and wonder if I would have made more of an effort they could have turned into something more. Got pre-occupied with family stuff (some health issues, some just like to hang out together). I did the independent woman who prides herself on doing things and going places on her own and now want a friend/companion. I stopped trying to find someone, was complacent with the casual relationships I had. Now as I am older and when I think I am ready for something more substantial, I cannot seem to find anyone. I know for a fact that I don't need anyone to complete my life or me, but at times these days, I wonder if there aren't spaces that are missing. Places that could be filled with someone. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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8/28/2018 5:57 pm |
divorced for 9 years , few LTR between now and then , enjoy being alone with in frequent loneliness, if another LTR happens more power to me , im not going to actively seek it , going to keep enjoying my ME time
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I cherish my alone time. I cant say that I have ever been lonely. I sometimes think it might be nice to have someone around full time, but only if they would respect my alone time. "Loneliness is the poverty of soul; Solititude is the richness of self" And yeah see I think that's where I always end up. I do enjoy my alone time. At times though I feel like the proverbial cow..the grass, green stuff and all that. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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How to fight loneliness ..... -Get away and go do something you enjoy. Someone to spend time with, grow with, explore the next stages of life with. .... That's the conceptual idea of propaganda society tells you, but really , isn't necessary. and a crazy lady magnet ...ha.. yes, the kind who ask if this is pretty, and you say no, and she gets all upset and mad at you. Though lately, the nagging has been slowly rearing it's ugly head. .... Find Tom Leykis online.... he may be able to kill that nagging ugly head. Do you find yourself lonely most of the time, or just alone? .... Alone [at times], but never lonely. Really quite calming. Do you find yourself, forcing a relationship, that you know probably won't work, just so you're not alone?.... If you find yourself doing that, you are not going to be of any good to that person. Maybe you should consider getting a dog. Anyone just absolutely set on the idea of riding out the rest of life alone, with some "friends" along the way?.... These days? Riding out life "Unattached" isn't such a bad idea, when you consider the nonsense that's out there. Especially if you've raised your children and you are finally divorced. You've done your bit . Go have some fun now. Social propaganda tries to make people feel bad or miserable for not being attached to someone, because there's lots of corporations standing to make lots and lots of money if people try to get attached. ha... even in the ruin of that attachment, there's money to be made. So relax.... go do something fun. In the past, when I've felt lonely, I buy a ticket for somewhere in the world I've never been before, and go exploring. The women you can meet on these "Journeys" can be amazing. So when you start hearing that nagging ugly shrew [voice] telling you , you are going to die alone..... smack it. Don't buy into the propaganda. I think most of your response is jaded by something. Not sure what, but honestly really doesn't matter. That said, a lot of what you said is spot on. I agree, society tries to tell us what we're supposed to do. When I was young I followed it. Have to have that six figure job, have to find a wife. Have to have some kids. And I did it all. These days the voices that i listen to are mainly just mine. I don't do anything because people tell me too. I have no desire to "fit in". I'm just me. But to not listen to ones self, when you can discern fact from fiction, is a recipe for disaster. thanks for posting. I will say, you're always interesting. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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divorced for 9 years , few LTR between now and then , enjoy being alone with in frequent loneliness, if another LTR happens more power to me , im not going to actively seek it , going to keep enjoying my ME time " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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LOL, that was far less subtle than my response, but certainly to the point. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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After cinnamons post, I'm thinking of a next post. hahaha. Overall, let me just say. A lot has changed on this site since I was here last. a few years ago now. Yeah, the blogs have a lot more pictures. Some of those are pretty hot. The advice line is crap now, it used to be fun. Of course the things that didn't change are all still here. That said, most of you that are regulars on here are some damn fine people. I see more intelligent, interesting, funny, and thought provoking posts and responses than i remember from the past. But again, at 96, maybe my memory isn't that great anymore. The sex is great, but it's you people that make it fun. I like fun. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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I believe in never having to say you're sorry for what you truly feel. While I try to be non confrontational these days, anyone can see he's just a misogynist. Not saying I feel sorry for him, because we're all allowed to overcome our weaknesses. It's his path to walk. I am truly sorry to hear about your "ending" . I'm the most easy going guy you could meet, until you confront me with a guy hitting a women or child abuse. Then the old being raised by a Airborne drill sergeant comes flying out. I hate it, won't stand for it and don't tolerate it, in any form. Stay happy, stay true to yourself and you're feelings and you'll rarely go astray. If I may add though, don't let the past distract you from your future. I enjoy your posts and look forward to our next discussion. Thanks for sharing. " I refuse to belong to any organization that would accept me as a member" Groucho Marx
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