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Blogs > sysper > bicurious blog

a letter to the 1st man to have sex with me  

sysper 50M
56 posts
6/17/2018 3:13 pm

Last Read:
6/17/2018 3:16 pm
a letter to the 1st man to have sex with me

as u might know i'm exploring bisexuality. i don't know how much of this i mean since i'm still questioning & confused. i did my best to let my inhibitions go & this is what came out. let me know what u think!

My dear, loving First:
For many years I have been sexually confused. From the age of 22 I realized a desire for members of the same sex, & I couldn't accept this. For a long time I struggled with this realization. Slowly, thanks to the help of my own thinking about it & people that I know from the internet, I began to accept this part of my personality. I reasoned that I have freedom in matters of personal sexuality, and so I'm allowed to be a bisexual. Once in my life I would never allow or even imagine myself to want homosexual experience. I considered it a perversion at least for me personally. But now I am with You, having lived through many ideas, difficulties, frustrations, confusions, denials, moments of being convinced & acceptance. It has come to the point that I'm able to tell You I like guys.
But until this time that is all theoretical. Now I am in the presence of a man to whom I intend to give my homosexual virginity, so to speak. I beg You for patience & understanding. This is the biggest step so far in the road of my sexuality & perhaps my whole life. Though in my thoughts this is all OK, when another person takes part in this the confusion & doubt will most likely return. I will definitely be very nervous. But there's probably no other way. All that I can do is prepare myself mentally, make peace with my feelings, & go for it. Please understand that I might feel uncomfortable & decide against it. Don't be disappointed in me & don't take it the wrong way. It means I'm not ready & the time hasn't come yet. But I'm determined I will have this experience. I have dreamed about this from the age of 22 & I won't have peace until I experience this. This means there will be another opportunity for this. On the other hand, if I do agree to go ahead, this means that I have trust in You & I desire You.
If we go forth together, be gentle with me, both physically because we will be doing things which my body is probably not prepared for, & emotionally because this is a huge step for me as I have written before. But also challenge me to take part, to openness, to learn, to pleasure. Kiss me, often. Let this be about more than the orgasm. Anybody can take care of that by themselves. Invite me to a mutual, personal partaking of bodily adventure. Make me feel comfortable, so that the nervousness & uncertainty change into eagerness & closeness. Make it so I feel comfortable desiring You. Let's undress slowly. Take me in Your arms & kiss me passionately, leading me to want to give myself to You on this night completely. Be intense but also playful. This is about a life experience but also fun. Gaze directly into my eyes when You finally enter me. In that moment I belong to You, Lover. Do it slowly & gently at first, kissing me, assuring me that this is allowable, healthy, natural, beautiful & pleasant.
When we finish I don't know in what state I'll be in. If I want to leave right away, let me. That would mean I have to think this through myself. If I cry, let me cuddle up to You. Don't reject me, but take me & let me cry my eyes out with You. Assure me it's all right. Then let's cuddle up together & fall asleep, body in body, feeling each other's breath.
When morning comes express to me You're proud of me that I decided to do something out of the ordinary & outside my comfort zone, & was able to do it. Remind me I'm now an experienced bisexual. That will probably still be a shock to me. Maybe I'll break down & cry then, so again let me cuddle up next to You if I do. Or maybe I'll have a desire for some more mutual play.
I don't know if I will want to make another date to meet. If I don't, know I'm very grateful for Your attention, care & body. If we both agree, we can meet again. But know if we start seeing each other I might fall in love with You. This would be on an extremely higher level than gay sex. But I don't have anything planned other than a pleasant time spent with You.
I love You.

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