Puja on, Garth! Excellent. Schwing!
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Posted:Aug 1, 2016 9:32 am
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2016 9:01 am
21021 Views
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A long time since I last hosted a sex party, I'd forgotten what a lot of work it is! Set-up time includes communicating with invitees, coordinating with attendees, gathering supplies, physical set-up of the space and food and drink prep. I'm still cleaning up after the party yesterday, vowing not to do it again for a LONG, LONG time.
But I'm really glad I hosted yesterday's party, which had a specific structure. I'm interested in deeper connections with sex positive people (those, like me, who are positive sex is great). Relationships develop over time but you can also be intentional about structuring situations that lead to deeper intimacy.
A sacred sex ritual gathering called a Tantric puja, pronounced "poo-jah," offers that opportunity. Traditional pujas typically include sensual but not necessarily explicitly sexual activities. I requested of my friend and colleague Lori, the Dakini (Dakini=woman who is paid to teach Tantra) who led the event, to do some of the usual eye gazing and light touch but to move quickly to erotic action. She delivered.
As there were nine attendees, I opted to observe and support the others who were all paired up. The group was composed of sexually adventurous old friends and new ones acquired primarily through last year's exploration of the swinging "lifestyle." One of the couples, coaching who'd come to Santa Barbara specifically to study Tantra with me, were new to the experience of group sex. Since the woman was a little nervous about having sex with people she didn't know, I decided it would be best if I were available to support her as needed. Eight couples sat on the floor of the large formal living room which I'd emptied of furniture and covered the cushy carpet with sheets. Normally, you create a "love nest" for each couple with a blanket and pillows to support body parts but it's been too humid in the afternoons here to think of a blanket on one's skin. The sheets with pillows worked fine. This is what it looked like BEFORE we started:
I danced to the music and occasionally engaged in self loving as I served as a "sacred voyeur," someone who sends positive energy of appreciation to those more actively engaged. With each new activity Lori directed them to do, from first demonstrating to one's lover how one engages in self loving to beginning to touch one's partner, the women each moved to a new partner. Because these are such intimate activities, it can be challenging. Plus, each new partner doesn't know one's preferences. The puja attendees, though, seemed to be able to roll with it and had some fun with the naughty talk part, too. Lori instructed the women to say "My pussy is so hungry I could fuck a !" Lori commanded, "No giggling. Laughter disperses energy. Instead, I want you to moan if you feel like laughing." The women had to repeat it until the man listening was satisfied she really meant it.
The men replied, "I'm gonna fuck you wide open" or "Take off your clothes and spread your legs like a good little slut."
These activities provided fodder for the mind in what is primarily a body- and heart-centered practice.
And, finally, we got to the joyful, heart-centered, ecstatic fucking!
My who were visiting from out of town, unfortunately, needed to race to the airport and fly home before they felt really "done." The man nearly cried, "It's not fair! We needed to start this HOURS ago."
We did lose some precious time because Lori was late. I'd warned EVERYONE that we were on a tight timeline because the visitors needed to go to the airport. In a town famous for lack of punctuality (we Santa Barbarans figure that 30 minutes late is still within the range of "on time."), all of the attendees arrived on time but we couldn't start without her. So that's my one gripe about the event.
Okay, being totally honest, I'd like to add that Lori got to shine in full glory and I didn't feel appreciated quite enough. I served as set designer, roadie, concert manager, play list coordinator, catering services and Lori got the rock star adulation. Don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge Lori the appreciation for doing a masterful job. I didn't want to lead the puja. It's not my strength in the way it is hers. I truly enjoy creating the environment and bringing together the pieces to create an awesome experience.
I'm embarrassed to be so petty and jealous but there you have it. I'm still human and not particularly evolved even after such a lovely heart-opening activity.
Even with my peevishness about being eclipsed the event was stellar and one I'll long remember.
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
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2 BBCs & Me...Cross that one off the
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Posted:Jul 29, 2016 11:10 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2016 7:26 am
21004 Views
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Which, of the many potential reasons, explains why my experience last night of fucking two beautiful BBCs (Big Black Cocks) fell short of my fantasy?
First, I fear I've lost my edge due to hormonal changes (read: I'm menopausal = old). My hormones are not poppin' off as they did 10 years ago. I was hot for anything then. I usedta get off on the intensity of a big black cock jack-hammering my cervix. Honest to God and the Goddess, I did. I'm wired for intensity. The physical intensity all by itself usedta be enough. Plus, I have a fetish for imagining dark skin next to my Northern European pallor. And the sight of that beautiful, rich chocolate color plunging into my pink parts, well, as my speak-it-straight friend Sam says, "You're the Plantation Mistress." Yep, I own the place where black dicks long to be. Excuse me while I go powder my nose. I'm blushing. (Actually, I'm hot flashing but the effect is the same!)
I enjoyed the physical intensity but that alone wasn't enough to make it a great time for me.
Second, my multiple BBC fantasy involves totally non-consensual rough sex (which is code for a word we can't use in blogs) that I prefer to keep as complete fantasy. It's one fantasy that pushes me over the top when I want to get myself off. NOW. But I don't need to play it out in real life.
Third, the multiple men fantasy I have long desired involves men (without discriminating on skin color or dick size) who are sexually skilled, know my body and adore me. They want me to have the best time possible. I trust them. They use my body for THEIR pleasure and in being used by men I trust (and may love), my deepest fires get ignited. That's hot!
Instead, what I got last night was as my adventurous gal pal Heather called "kinda fun and kinda annoying." An impromptu foursome started out with me having drinks with JayDee, returning to the 1970s "Time Capsule" where I'm house sitting and texting Heather. I wanted someone else to diffuse the total focus on me and Jay wanted to help a homeboy out. They're black men stuck in white bread Santa Barbara for a couple weeks. There are NO clubs here where one can meet a sistuh in need. Jay and I connected through this site when he knew he'd be visiting. We'd met a couple days before for a quickie.
In retrospect, I see why I wanted another woman there. It wasn't that I feared too much attention. Or that I feared the men. They're both nice guys. I just did not want to be responsible for taking care of two men.
That goes, I think, to the heart of why I'm dissatisfied with what could have been an awesome evening.
ENTITLEMENT.
They're beautiful, fit, black, near-pro-level athletes, visiting my small town for the Michael Jordan ' Basketball Camp, and they think it's my job to get them hard and serve as the Outlet Surge Protector through which their dicks can be connected but not touch. It's not gay in a 3-way, yanno.
My pussy serves as a place for them to get off. I coulda been a Fleshlight.
Though race got them to the show, I don't think race is the issue. There are plenty of selfish men with big dicks. In fact, I have yet to meet a man with a big dick who did not assume he was a "giver" just because he could keep driving his big dick into a woman's pussy for a good long while.
I don't even know if the big dick thing is the issue.
I think maybe I'm just old enough, wise enough, to realize that I want more than to be the outlet for some guy to get off. Where's the seduction? Where's the intimacy? Where am I in their getting off?
So I'm back to wishing I could Bend-Over again in Bend, OR, because a man who sends me pictures of our fuck chair in various locations because he's thinking of me...now that's hot!
On the upside, it was sorta fun and the occasional jack hammering explains why my 50ish pussy can take a pounding and keep on wanting more. I consider it pussy training so that I'm good to go when the menu offers what I really hunger for.
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BiPolyBabe69
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Bend-Over...In My Storage Unit (#2)
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Posted:Jul 23, 2016 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2016 8:44 pm
17548 Views
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I can't figure out yet how to put smaller pix together in one blog. But here's another on this theme.
I'm short-ish. He's tall. Now I have learned the practical purpose of the command Bring heels
Since he's moving house, Sam has visited his storage unit a lot lately. He said he'd been in there thinking about my visit. Pictured below is what he had in mind. It was naughty fun with a slight edge of nervousness that someone would come by and catch us.
So, it was essential to keep a little bit of clothing on!
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BiPolyBabe69
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Bend-Over...In My Storage Unit!
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Posted:Jul 21, 2016 1:24 pm
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2016 8:44 pm
15878 Views
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I'm short-ish. He's tall. Now I have learned the practical purpose of the command Bring heels
Since he's moving house, Sam has visited his storage unit a lot lately. He said he'd been in there thinking about my visit. Pictured below is what he had in mind. It was naughty fun with a slight edge of nervousness that someone would come by and catch us.
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
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"Rain on me, rain on me"
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Posted:Jul 20, 2016 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2016 2:16 pm
13111 Views
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I didn't realize how parched is my spirit until a caress of my cheek nearly made me cry last night.
I thought I was flying up to Bend, Oregon, again --just three weeks after my last visit-- because of the sex, which had been the most awesome first-time sex ever with a man. You can read about my craigslist-fueled adventures in the blogs: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive
Physically intense, long-lasting with an edge of my kink (sensual surrender), there's a tenderness underlies the passionate thrusting, pounding, groping, biting and grinding.
I'm soaking it up like Santa Barbara's Lake Cachuma will the long-denied El Niño rains.
"Only love can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high"
Even quoting a song that includes the word "love" makes me nervous. I tend to confuse sexual passion with deeper intimacy. Superficially cynical, I possess a deep streak of the romantic not so far under the surface. I've never met a romantic comedy I didn't love.
With my search for a partner capable of emotional intimacy who does not desire a monogamous relationship, I'm now experiencing "Be careful what you ask for."
I discovered this morning that without ever having applied the label, Sam is polyamorous. Now released from a medium-term sentence in a monogamous marriage, he has a ton of past lovers who will likely show up again. I was stunned. Naive me, I actually believed that was only possible in the "poly community" where we wear as a badge of honor continuing to have sex with past partners even after the "relationship" has ended. One lover Mark (with whom I'm currently in limbo due to his personal life) said, "If you're poly, there's really never any reason to 'break up,' you just pass on to a new phase."
That presents a new challenge to my belief in the power of living poly. Can I stay in the moment and enjoy what is, without fear of the future? How well will I manage my own insecurity and jealousy?
Heather, a poly gal pal said, "Every single woman is poly, poly, poly (in the community) but she's searching for a 'soul mate.'"
Another of my close poly female friends, Jaqui, explained, "Everybody wants to be partnered. And the new girlfriend is always monogamous."
But I'm still humming, "Love, reign o'er me"
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
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Tired of "The Interview"!
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Posted:Jul 18, 2016 9:03 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2016 12:11 pm
12546 Views
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I've been on waaaaay too many first dates.
I am sooooo tired of being the one asking questions to generate conversation and look for common interests. Usually, I'll share something about myself before asking the next question so I think men don't realize that they're letting me drive. I hate to drive. I love to be driven!
I wonder why --when I stop asking questions-- men look at me blankly. Do they not prepare some questions to ask me?
Usually, I am forced to break the silence and ask, "Is there anything you'd like to know about me?"
Any ideas how to avoid conducting a job interview?
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BiPolyBabe69
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Bring heels!
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Posted:Jul 17, 2016 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2016 1:26 pm
15610 Views
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"Bring heels!" he texted me.
I was surprised by this command. And, frankly, more than a little annoyed. I own tons of high heels for work but I don't wear them just for fun.
At heart, I'm a flip-flop wearin' hippie chick. He knows that.
I decided not to jump to conclusions. Instead, when we had a few minutes to talk by phone, I asked if he's got a heel fetish.
"No," he said. "I'm tall. They'll put you at a good height when I bend you over. Also good for positioning while straddling a chair."
Now that is my kinda man. Someone who thinks in advance of practical props for out-of-this-world sex.
After our phone conversation, he texted to ask if the heels would cost extra.
"Nah, the heels will be my pleasure," I replied. "If you wanted flippin' fishnets and garters, which take an extra half-hour to put on, those would cost ya."
I'm excited packing my bags for Bend-Over, Oregon,* where I experienced the most-awesome first-time sex with a man EVER. Apparently, this time I'll be bent over wearing heels.
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BiPolyBabe69
My last visit was just two weeks ago: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive
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Living life on the Edge...
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Posted:Jul 17, 2016 12:00 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2016 10:22 pm
12228 Views
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I just wrote to "Sam" that I'm trying to talk myself down from the ledge. I'm near panic mode.
As I wrote in SexIs it all in my head, I think a lot. I've often had friends tell me "Don't overthink it" or "Get out of your head."
Easier said than done.
While my fantasies often delight me, some times I follow my mind down a wormhole. Last night before I went to sleep I pondered a return visit to Bend, Oregon, to ride Sam, the guy with whom I had the most awesome first time sex with a man ever. The adventures are detailed in: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive
The idea of flying up to see him again creates panic for two contradictory reasons:
1) What if the sex is just not that awesome the second time around?
And, even more terrifying...
2) What if it is?
Some may "pooh pooh" the notion of sex as narcotic, but, for me, great sex is addictive as I wrote in , Just Say Although Sam and I had sex three times in two days (well above my recommended once every 30 days dosage for remaining casual about it), I've done pretty well not becoming obsessed with him. Distance helps because sexting is just not as intense as wrapping my hot wet desire around his naked hardness.
But, truly, I'm afraid to return and have sex again with him. I've only recently recovered from last year's infatuation with The Unavailable Guy. Though I experienced peaks of elation in the up-and-down, off-and-on relationship with a small "r," it was memorably painful, often, excruciating not to be adored in return. I don't blame him (entirely). I get hooked on unavailable men. I am determined to win The Unavailable Guy, like the inside who still wants to win the love of her unavailable daddy. I do wonder if I'm attracted to unavailable men because I'm afraid of genuine emotional intimacy.
My rational mind says, "Someone who lives 800 miles away, divorced only a few years from a toxic ex and with responsibilities that keep him in Oregon is about as unavailable as a man could be."
So, which way will I go? Talk myself down from the ledge or take the plunge? I've already swum in that pool and found the water deep and delicious. So I'm guessing I'll step out on the board and Swan Dive.
I prefer to live on the edge, getting out on that scary branch, whether it's getting SCUBA certified, taking a year of singing lessons or, this year's challenge, joining Toastmaster's to address my fear of speaking to groups of people.
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
P.s.--Since I don't respect half-measures, my first speech to the Toastmaster's group in introducing myself will include sharing my journey to become a Sex Coach. It will be fun/scary/outrageous to give the audience an opportunity to tap their fingers on their heads every time they feel uncomfortable, starting with a minute of my repeating the word "sex" and other "dirty words." Deep dive, Baby!
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Sex...Is it all in my head?
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Posted:Jul 16, 2016 9:35 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2016 1:41 pm
11519 Views
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In "Arousal," author Michael J. Bader quotes D.H. Lawrence, "The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs," adding, "he (Lawrence) meant that analyzing sexual desire can rob it of its proper intensity."
I disagree.
BRAIN
MY BRAIN
I spend a lot of time dreaming about AND analyzing sex and what makes it great (or not so great). That's because I believe that the potential for pleasure in our bodies is the most powerful gift we humans have been given. I dream about sex and imagine scenarios as a way to build desire.
I do agree that being in one's head DURING sex is wrong-headed. As someone who has a very active mind, with a lot of unhelpful self talk, learning Tantra has been a life changer for me. Tantra is a meditation practice of sensate focus: focus on breathing, sound and sensation in the body. Tantric practice also trains the body to reach an ecstatic state which for me is not just out of my mind but also an incredible nearly out-of-body experience.
That is one of the many reasons I LOVE SEX. I get out of my head, stop listening to my "Monkey Mind" and live fully present in my body.
When I've experienced sex that was in some way satisfying (or not), I analyze afterward why that might be in order to learn and grow. I'm 54 years old, have been fucking for, gosh, nearly 40 years and I still learn new things about myself and my desires.
For example, here's an example of the kind of conundrum my sexual desires present:
1) I DO NOT LIKE PRESSURE to have sex, especially the first time. If I get a sense that sex is expected, it shuts me down. Cold.
2) On the other hand, I want to be "taken," thrown down and fucked. HARD. For a long time. I want a man to take his pleasure and act out his lust on my body. Because the polite path of sex as service, "you do me then I do you," gets dull.
If I were a man interested in sex with me, I'd throw my hands up in frustration with trying to puzzle out that one. Just something to think about.
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BiPolyBabe69
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Ride bareback...Hell yeah!
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Posted:Jul 14, 2016 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2016 12:23 pm
12211 Views
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First off, I'm NOT suggesting that anyone should go condom-free!!! This is a personal opinion piece. So...
What's the number one element that makes fucking more fucking awesome?
Based on a recent mini-experiment, condom-free aka "bareback" rocks that #1 spot. Feel free to tell me if I'm wrong about that.
Close second place: being high while feeling the sensation of rubbing my pussy all over a Nuru Massage Gel-covered body. Nuru Gel Play is my passion du jour. The first experiment was with my Bi-BFF (pictured below with me).
Returning to the topic of covered versus uncovered, please understand that I don't fuck all comers with no condom. I probably have more sex partners than 95% of women in their 50s. I have a deep booty call bench and I'm currently in audition mode to discover an intimate partner for a non-monogamous relationship. Often the auditions include a test ride. 
Since I adore sex and like to experiment, I'm sexually adventurous. The most outrageous thing I've done lately was meet four guys in two days (those who responded to my ad on craigslist) when I visited Bend, OR, last month, decide to fuck one of them and enjoy the most awesome first-time sex with a man EVER. You can read about those adventures here: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive
I'm NOT suggesting that anyone else should go condom-free but I want to know...
How do you decide to go bareback?
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BiPolyBabe69
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On the Virtues of Being Bi! Bisexual, that is.
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Posted:Jul 13, 2016 11:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2016 10:15 am
11913 Views
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I wrote What's up with NSA, FWB aka Fuck Buddies because I was truly trying to understand why someone would seek NSA, FWB or a Fuck Buddy. I've had plenty of casual sex, that is, sex without any commitment at all, and I find NSA sex gets boring to me without an emotional connection. Without potential for deeper intimacy, for me, it's just grinding body parts together, a human assist to masturbation, if you will. In that case, frankly, I'd rather do it myself.
SIDE NOTE: As my profile explains, I seek an Open-minded Partner for Emotional Intimacy in a Non-Monogamous Relationship in which we --and all our partners-- are honest about non-monogamy. (And if I have sex with that Emotionally Intimate Partner, all the better!)
mcmaniac mcmaniac responded to my question regarding casual sex, "I wanted NSA or a FWB right after my marriage ended, but now I'd just settle for a regular girlfriend." When asked about that, he explained, "I'd just come out of a long relationship so I was hesitant to dive into another, but honestly, the women I was having NSA or FWB sex with didn't interest me enough to take things deeper. Had I found the my match mentally and physically I'm sure I would have gone headfirst into intimacy."
Which reminded me of the time right after my marriage when I was too angry to talk to men but did not desire celibacy. (As you may surmise from reading the huge number of words in my blog, I'm a big talker. Women, in general, use sharing our thoughts and feelings as a way to connect. We get pleasure from the experience of talking and hearing others. We feel connected. I think this is a basic difference between male and female wiring, something I'll explore later.)
Returning to the topic at hand, I I placed an ad in the SB Independent in two categories, "Women Seeking Women" and "Women Seeking Men" during my mad-at-men-but-still-horny time immediately post-divorce. (This was before I knew of the infinite numbers available through online dating!) I'd never had any girl-girl experiences but knew that I liked my own scent and taste and had dreamt one night about sucking on the nipples of my one token lesbian friend, so I was pretty sure I'd be down with the girl-girl action. Oh, plus, I'd already taken an eight-hour course on the female orgasm taught by a lesbian so I was pretty sure I'd be handy, as it were.
That W4W ad launched a two-year monogamous relationship with a woman. She and I talked a lot and fucked even more. It's amazing how tireless hands and mouths are! It seemed we never "shot our wad." We'd simply be so exhausted we'd go to sleep for a bit, wake up and have more sex.
So I'm wondering why more horny guys --and we know there are a lot of them on this site and elsewhere-- don't decide to jump the fence and get their dicks sucked by another guy. It's much easier to engage in casual sex or NSA with men than with women. It seems practical to me to expand one's prospects.
So, if you thought it wouldn't change how others perceived you (I know that women have more permission to be bi in our culture), would you explore same gender sex?
And, if you are a woman, would you/have you explored with another woman? What led you to it or why would it not work for you?
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BiPolyBabe69
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What's up with NSA, FWB aka Fuck Buddies?
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Posted:Jul 11, 2016 2:19 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2016 12:58 pm
11389 Views
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After watching incredible 4th of July fireworks at Lake Arrowhead, I was sitting in the boat on the lake, talking with my friend Tim. I asked him why he thinks so many men on this site and any other dating site want a FWB (Friend with Benefits), Fuck Buddy, casual or NSA (No Strings Attached) Sex?
"They're lonely, bored with the wife or girlfriend and want to find someone sexy who'll be happy to do all the porn star stuff and not expect anything besides sex," he replied.
I don't get it. So, what is it that men --or other women-- find so appealing about the idea of casual sex, NSA, FWB or Fuck Buddies?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
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, Just Say
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Posted:Jul 9, 2016 1:01 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2016 10:34 am
12097 Views
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I have a confession. I am ad-Dick-ted to Dick. For me, it's like Cocaine, thus, Dick Crack.
I've experienced before the effect of Oxytocin and Dopamine in creating a delightful Cock-tail of touch and orgasm. I'm aware of the risks of indulging frequently, which intensifies addiction. Then, if I can't connect fast enough with my dealer for the next Hard Rock, I suffer a Crack Attack. Withdrawal symptoms include frustration and increasingly more irate text messages to my dealer.
Theoretically, I can handle being entirely casual and not become addicted if I Get Off with a particular partner only once or twice in 30 days.
That's low to moderate Dick Crack use, chipping, if you will. For me, that approach is merely theoretical because when I get some Fishscale, I prefer to keep Balling with whole days in bed, on top of the kitchen counter, on a blanket in the forest, taking a break from sex only to eat or go to the bathroom. Which is like going back to back: smoking crack followed by injecting heroin.
The distance between Bend, OR, (where I recently indulged in some awesome Boy-Girl) and Santa Barbara, CA, will force a test of that theory about no more often than about every 30 days or so. Can I avoid ad-Dick-tion?
Will I maintain my position of "Accept no substitutes"? Because that's another thing I've noticed about my addiction. I am just not interested in Methadone. I want Climax and I WANT IT NOW!
How about you? Are you a Bedbug, too? When you get some Sugar, does it make you want more? With your preferred Dealer or just anyone who's handy?
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69
P.S.--Thank you, Internet, for supplying nicknames for crack: balling, which means vaginally implanted cocaine, Hard Rock, Sugar. Fishscale = High Quality Coke; Boy-Girl and Climax = Crack + Heroin; Get off = Get high; Bedbug = fellow addict
P.P.S.--You can read about my recent sexploits here: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive
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To link to this blog (bipolybabe69) use [blog bipolybabe69] in your messages.
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