Practicing a Meditation on Loving Kindness
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Posted:Mar 6, 2016 8:34 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2016 1:06 pm
10729 Views
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I learned something interesting from research done by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson which she details in her book "Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do and Become."
In her book, she demonstrates that there's no such this as everlasting love just "micro-moments of positivity resonance," (moments when you experience warm feelings in the presence of the Beloved), the hormone oxytocin and the function of the vagus nerve. (Those chemical reactions in the body create what we call "love," rather than the romantic notion of love.)
The study she did of the vagus nerve, which functions to register love and create focus on the Beloved, was fascinating. Half of her subjects she told to devote one hour a week for several months to to the ancient Buddhist practice of loving-kindness meditation. Those subjects increased their vagal tone in a way that was measurable at the end of the study. And they also reported feeling more instances of love and affection even while not focused on the meditation.
Since I've spent quite a lot of mental energy venting my ire as part of letting go, it's time to spend some time in gratitude and appreciation for The Unavailable Guy (TUG):
* He spent a weekend building a feed bin for my .
* He was (mostly) willing to go with me to a workshop on "Getting the Love You Want" so I could decide if I'd be willing to try it with my dad, the person at the source of my attraction to unavailable men.
* The Unavailable Guy was fun company at events like Sin City 5 in Las Vegas.
* I appreciated that he had my back in swinger situations so I could flirt and touch without having someone hit on me in a way that made me uncomfortable.
* He tried a couple of times to help me work through my jealousy and insecurity about his focus on other women in the group sexual situations.
* I credit his relentless search for new pussy on this site and kasidie for adding two couples to my circle of genuine friends (more than just fuck buddies).
* Thanks to his arranging those meetings, I now know how to enjoy the geometry of FMF 3somes.
* He was willing to try Tantric Sex just once and showed great potential for intimacy and giving me what my body likes.
* To my eyes, he was sexy and appealing, especially while high, when he seemed to drop the barriers he used to fence me out.
* I adored sexting, which was double entendres, (rather than sexy photos) with him.
Yeah, Fredrickson is right. It's a lot more fun and makes me feel better to focus on the positive, rather than the negative.
I will meditate on loving kindness this morning as I walk along the beach. I'll set a timer each week to remind me to spend an hour thinking gratitude and appreciation.
You'll find a cool summary of Fredrickson's research if you search Barbara Fredrickson, Love 2.0 and The Atlantic, which is the magazine where the article was published. (Can anyone tell me if direct links are permitted in blog sites? Somehow I think they aren't.)
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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The Fridge is Full...But There's Nothing to Eat!
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Posted:Mar 5, 2016 8:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2016 10:08 am
10395 Views
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The truth is...my fridge is full of food, but there's nothing I WANT to eat.
I'm a wanna-be Vegan. Politically, I believe in "Live simply that others may simply live."
My planet-sensitive is a "Free-Gan," by which she means if she doesn't spend money on it, she'll eat meat...quite happily. She goes dumpster diving at Trader Joe's, much to my dismay. Thus, I am unlikely to eat meat at her house, but she's digs into my chicken burritos with great enthusiasm.
Another truth is...I love the taste of meat. I have never met a pork product I did not adore with the notable exception of pig's feet. I love salty, fatty stuff. Salami, pepperoni, pastrami, perfectly cooked filet mignon, grilled salmon in my special marinade. All those items get two big thumbs up. Except when I consider the impact with all those heart-clogging ingredients...and the unkindness of raising animals in order to kill them.
My secret addictions: Mac & Cheese, any kind of pasta with a creamy sauce and French bread with a crispy crust slathered with unsalted butter (to which I add salt!).
In my recent bout of indulging my broken heart, I've been eating a lot of my secret addiction foods above. They taste so good going down and make me feel like crap afterward so I'm determined to eat more veggies. I promised myself I only need to eat the ones I really like so I grilled a bunch of asparagus, zucchini, Japanese eggplant, bell peppers and Pasilla chiles. The colors are so beautiful. See below.
But then when I open the fridge, all I see are vegetables! So this morning when I couldn't find anything I wanted to eat, rather than doing ignoring the veggies in favor of going out to a restaurant for meaty food covered in butter, olive oil and salt, I decided on a half-step toward greater health and being kind to the planet.
I walked over to my local bakery, which makes the most delicious Kalamata olive bread in the world. I did not buy a loaf, because I've been known to slather unsalted butter on thick slice after thick slice onto which I grind Himalayan pink salt crystals. I can finish the loaf in one day. So I bought one butter croissant, scrambled eggs with a tiny bit of ham & cheese and a FEW vegetables for texture and color. And it was delicious!
Then I rode my bike to the local fresh fish market to buy salmon for dinner, which I barbecued after soaking up my special marinade (fresh chopped garlic and ginger, sesame oil, worcstershire sauce and honey), paired with grilled asparagus. I guess I'm back to enjoying cooking!
So what are your secret food addictions or the ways you comfort yourself?
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Sex with an Ex: Verboten or Very Fine?
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Posted:Mar 3, 2016 8:58 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2016 8:18 am
10363 Views
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Marc, an experienced poly lover of mine said, 1) "When you're poly, there's no reason to say 'Good bye' to a lover. You just move into a different phase."
I happen to agree. However, Marc also said, 2) "It's fine to have a lover with whom you're working out the family of origin stuff as long as you don't try to make him your life partner."
I've experienced both of these situations just recently. Example 1) I'm currently fucking just for fun my former primary partner Tom. He and I dated but never lived together for about five years. We broke up every 3-6 months in a tear-filled, painful maelstrom. When Tom said, "I'm done" the last time, so was I...until I got over being furious with him for not being the potential life partner I wanted and decided I liked him as a fuck buddy. After loads of drama (including the time I broke into his home and considered breaking every plate he owned; I didn't do it by the way), we've arrived at a cozy spot where we can go out to dinner, fuck, stay over and not get overwrought about it.
Example 2) There's this guy, the last one I fucked more than three times: the one who was just not into me, the one I've called My Former Partner in Crime (FPIC), "THE TOTAL DICKHOLE," "Your Assholiness," (Hell hath no fury, etc.), but from now on, I'll just call him The Unavailable Guy (TUG, for short) because, in truth, he tugged at my heart but his was not available to me. (I believe I was trying to heal with my "Unavailable Daddy" issues, hence the dictum about "Don't try to make him your life partner.")
From the beginning, THE TOTAL DICKHOLE (I guess I'm not quite over being angry!) told me he was unavailable and still in love with his soon-to-be-ex wife, but I believed I could change his mind, open his heart to me. So, TUG he is. But, man, I tell ya...I could see a wonderful future with this man because we had fun together. We were especially funny by text. The cruelest thing I ever said to him was, "I like you better by text." Then, I explained that, from a distance, I could myself that my love was requited. He said he was "fond" of me. I said I was infatuated. So we were honest with one another for the year we fucked off and on and fucked other people together and separately. TUG may have thought it was honesty when he told me THREE TIMES that he was "not emotionally connected to anyone." That was the last time I saw him. Because that was needlessly cruel. Now he is Verboten to me. Toxic. Addiction. I'm taking it day by day in not calling or texting him for a booty call. In fact, I have a Sexual Emergency Response Team (SERT) on speed dial (Jade, my new hot, squirting-all-over-my-bed BFF and her buff, sexy partner Sam) for those moments when I get an itchy dialing finger.
So...where do you land about sex with an ex?
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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An Orgasm Meditation (OM) Community Personal Tour
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Posted:Mar 2, 2016 3:47 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2016 4:24 pm
10645 Views
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At the Zegg Forum Facilitation Training I attended the weekend of Feb 19-21, 2016, one of the participants introduced himself to the group as "Mr. Sex" and said he could give a class on pussy licking. I was intrigued since I'm a sex educator myself.
I told him Why Men's Offer of Oral Sex Makes Me Yawn but added that what really put him on my radar was that he's living in a community where they practice --as a group-- daily Orgasm Meditation (OM), which is taught by the San Francisco-based organization called One Taste. His intentional community plans to add regular Zegg Forum sessions to help build trust and minimize conflicts within the residents, using the techniques I wrote about here: Poly Agony vs Poly Community .
I talked my 20-year-old , who had already dragged me around to see various permaculture communities as part of our visit to NorCal and attendance at the Forum workshop, into hanging out at the OM Community Home near Santa Cruz...as long as no one was walking around naked or OMing while she was there.
"Fair enough," I agreed. I know that the OM is a very specific practice and only those who have completed the workshop can engage in the practice in an "official" setting. I completed the workshop a year ago. (I'm a workshop junkie! "Grow or Die" is my mantra.)
Currently, I'm considering a transition to living in an intentional community since my twins are about the leave the roost. They don't live with me but they're still here in town. Once they move, in the next year or two, it opens the door for me to fly freely so I'm checking out my options.
Mr. Sex showed us around the 20 acres on a beautiful hillside with a 3 or 4 bedroom home, lap pool, jacuzzi and 3 yurts in various stages of construction with insulation to be added. He said 16-20 people live there, including some (who aren't there all the time) of divorced parents. The yurts are about 30 feet in diameter and three people live in each! Mr. Sex used to sleep in the 10' x 5' room with the hot water heater. Now he resides in an insulated tool shed which doubles both as his bedroom and storage for boxes of other residents' stuff.
The idea of the twice daily OM practice, which is 15 minutes of very light clit stroking, was exciting but not enough to get me past my middle class capitalist mentality which says I need private space that is MINE, MINE, MINE. Honestly, I'm not sure I could live in such close quarters with so many people. The idea that shocked me the most was when Mr. Sex related that if someone started to get too territorial, they'd move her around just to keep them from getting too settled.
The idea I did appreciate was that each resident would have "housewife" duties every 14 days, responsibilities that would include cleaning up the kitchen, shopping for and making dinner for all residents. To demonstrate that the housewife is important, if someone misses the scheduled day, it costs $200 to get another resident to do it.
Then, Mr. Sex gave me a personal tour of his futon on the cement slab inside the metal exterior tool shed. The lighting was a single string of Christmas lights with power from an electrical cord run out 75 feet from the house!
The pussy licking was brief, enjoyable but not enough time to change my opinion about pussy licking in general. I showed Mr. Sex how I use Reality's Female Condoms (removing the inner ring, putting lube inside and out and sliding them on the cock like male condoms). They're my preferred kind because they don't rub me raw (since they stay in my pussy while the cock goes in and out) and you can use with coconut oil, which is my fave lubricant. We fucked until the iPHone timer went off alerting us that Mr. Sex had to leave for an appointment. I was juicy and it was fun!
It may seem geeky but I'm a fan of using a timer so I don't have to think about time constraints. I am also a fan of short sex dates for the first encounter. I admit I have certain intimacy issues. And I realize I had them BEFORE I got my heart smashed recently by serving it up to the thoughtless hammering by the guy who just wasn't into me. In fact, it's likely that my fear of intimacy is why I was strongly attracted to someone who was so clearly unavailable.
Realizing that the unavailable man, aka my Former Partner in Crime (FPIC), doesn't share any of my interests like joining a free love community intent on modeling a new way of living together was helpful in starting to release me from my vain wish that he loved me.
As Mr. Sex and I walked back to the parking lot, we found my talking with two of the other male residents. She seemed pretty cheerful and comfortable, so I'm guessing that --even though they were clearly friendly-- neither had tried to offer her a quickie. Being my , she's open-minded but she's intent on working things out with her boyfriend in a monogamous relationship.
The OM Community Home near Santa Cruz might not be the ideal situation for me, but I'd like to visit and experience it as an "OM Tourist." And, hopefully, give Mr. Sex a chance to change my mind about pussy licking! If you're interested in the community, let me know and I'll put you in touch with Mr. Sex.
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Poly Agony vs. Poly Community
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Posted:Feb 28, 2016 8:24 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2016 10:19 am
13350 Views
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One of the more interesting --interesting to me, anyway-- things I've done recently was attend a workshop last weekend on learning how to be a facilitator for Zegg Forum. (Now you might think it's more interesting to hear about who fucked whom the weekend before at Sea Mountain Inn, but that stuff --having sex in the sunshine in the full view of all and sundry-- is old hat for me so it's not as interesting to write about.)
So, Zegg Forum needs to be distinguished from the Landmark Forum, which I've also done. Landmark's Forum is focused on individual emotional release from our oft-painful past, rather than building community, and I hate the heavy-handed sales pitch from Landmark Education. Landmark also expects everyone to proselytize for them. I have a friend who told Landmark she doesn't attend workshops any more if one is required to wear clothes. The sales rep was struck dumb, hung up the phone and they never called her again.
However, Zegg Forum, which I'm going to refer to as the Forum from now on, came out of two experiments in intentional communities that live together in Germany. Most communal living situations break down because human beings are really fucking annoying (pretty much the same way marriages break down). Everybody's got a damn opinion and they don't do things the way one expects.
So these groups of individuals that live in some communal way started experimenting with a process of sharing their dreams, fears and frustrations in a safe circle with facilitation. When I described this Forum to my 20-year-old , she couldn't quite figure out how it could work for her friends and colleagues who are trying to work together to create a healthier planet. So I took her with me to learn how to facilitate it, because I know from having been an activist in the past that do-gooders all have their individual agendas and then there are the interpersonal things about how people will rub you the wrong way. Once she experienced the Forum, she's become energized about offering an experience of it to 25-30 people she works with on her permaculture projects.
In Forum, everyone in the community sits on the floor in a circle with 2-3 facilitators guiding the process. One person at a time presents his issues and, basically, enacts psychodrama for the witnesses. I love the Forum because I'm a huge fan of what one friend calls "psych porn," the ins and outs of romantic relationships. I can also be something of a Drama Queen so the Forum is the right forum for me!
The role of the facilitators is to help the presenter/performer gain insight into his/her issues. If the presenter is stuck in her story, the facilitator will try to get the performer to feel the emotion. If the performer is overwhelmed by emotion, the facilitators will try to push toward using the cerebral cortex, the higher thinking part of the brain. They have developed some amazing techniques over time including the use of "statues" as members of the audience can help to embody the emotions so that the presenter can stand outside and observe, for example, being caught between fear of and desire for having a baby. If, like my , you can't really imagine the Forum, you'll just have to take my word for it for now that it's an incredibly powerful process for building trust among people. With this kind of process where people choose to be transparent with one another, decisions can be made and conflicts resolved much more efficiently outside the Forum. The purpose of the Forum is purely sharing "what's alive in me right now" and getting insight if one is stuck.
So, now I want to try to link the Forum back to my personal interest in how can one have a pleasurable romantic relationship with another human being. I believe in the possibility of polyamory, the idea that we can love more than one person and be honest about our needs, desires and choices, but I've really only ever experienced Poly Agony, the jealousy, insecurity and pain of fearing loss.
My Former Partner in Crime (FPIC), aka in this blog as the guy who was "just not into me," did not ever want to be my boyfriend but said I could call him my PIC (which leads one to believe that he considered me acceptable only for illicit activities). He and I experimented with radical honesty in having an open relationship in which we continued to date others. We told one another what we were doing and with whom. I assumed it was so painful because he just didn't love me back and it felt like there was always a sword hanging over me that he'd opt out for monogamy with whomever he fancied more, but, maybe, it was excruciating for me because we didn't have a community with whom to share the challenges of that level of honesty. Nor did we have a community to help me hold my fear and jealousy. I had to do it all by myself, and I didn't do it very well. Not well at all. (Now I know how my ex-boyfriend felt. When he and I tried an open relationship some years ago, I was the one who had lots of other lovers while he had one so I didn't feel much jealousy at all and couldn't really understand why did.)
I did learn in the experiment with the FPIC that I'm not a fan of radical honesty, which is speaking the absolute truth without concern for others' feelings, but I do still believe in honesty tempered with kindness. If he had been honest with kindness, he might not have said to me the last time I saw him: "I'm not emotionally connected to anyone. I've got a clean slate to go forth and find the next (insert the name of his ex-wife)." He said the thing about "not emotionally connected to anyone" THREE TIMES. But, since I'm pretty persistent, maybe it took that many times of him hitting me in the head with that verbal hammer to get the message: This man does not care about my feelings, needs or desires. I could not believe that I couldn't make him love me. The truth is, I think I'm irresistible when I put my mind to it. On the upside, if he had fallen victim to my charms, I would not have seen that I'm attracted to unavailable men. That's a small silver lining in the cloud that darkens over my dream of happily ever after with the FPIC, whom in moments of indulgence in anger and frustration I've referred to as THE TOTAL DICKHOLE (though not to his face).
Is he such a bad man? Not really. Just your run-of-the-mill, self-centered asshole --with a big dick-- hence the dickhole reference. When he was especially high-handed with me, I'd call him "Your Assholiness."
So, I've been trying to imagine how being part of a community where I could share the pain and fear I experienced might have helped me. I described the Forum process once to FPIC and he thought it sounded awful, that it would be about public shaming and humiliating others if one spoke in a public setting about hurts and wounds experienced. But, here's the thing: We humans talk about that stuff anyway but it's usually whispered in gossip sessions that can potentially be more destructive to relationships than dealing with it directly.
FPIC could not imagine himself EVER doing that kind of thing. He hates workshops. I love them. I finally woke up while one woman in her Forum piece last weekend looked at her desire to be among the people of her tribe, those of us who are free-thinking, unconventional and on a path to change the fucking world and how she kept getting pulled back into the cage of love with a man who does not share her interests. I want to thank her so, so, so much for the gift that she gave me. Watching her, I realized that I would not be happy with FPIC (even if he got smarter and loved me back) because I want to be part of that community where we're experimenting with a different way of being and an important part of that way of being is transparency (which suits me because FPIC's biggest complaint about me was that I'm a total blabbermouth, and it's true. I don't shut up even when it would be a good idea. Some times my honesty lacks boundaries, like telling my about how he and I watched some very outre porn including a woman and man's best friend. That's the only kind of porn that's ever pushed a hot, juicy button for me, by the way.) and being connected to others.
So, my big "ah-hah" was that I needed to look for a partner from among that community, someone who shares my belief in the power of Zegg Forum and community. What I didn't know, before going to the Zegg Forum Facilitator Training, is that the driving force behind those first German communities has always been free love and healing the schism between man and woman and doing it in the context of community. That really intrigues me, so I'm going to do more reading to try to understand how they came to believe that's the most important focus. I'm going to stop this piece now, because it's already longer than most people will read. I understand that about 500 words is the max but, dammit, I'm wordy and I don't really care if no one reads it. I'm writing it to stop these ideas floating around in my head.
Plus, since this site has some glitch currently in the blog function, I can't read the interesting comments y'all are writing in response to my writing.
But, I will say that I'm next going to write about my tour of an intentional community near Santa Cruz that is focused around daily Orgasm Meditation (OM), a practice taught by San Francisco-based One Taste. You can search for One Taste for info. And, maybe, I'll write some time about my OM experiences.
Til then, hope you do something naughty and tell me about it!
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BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
P.S.--I just remembered that the other silver lining in the cloud of missing FPIC is that, since I'm not sharing all my witticisms and odd thoughts with him with constant daily texting, I have a lot more words flowing out of me here.
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The First Time...Ever You Penetrated My Pussy
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Posted:Feb 25, 2016 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2016 8:00 am
13466 Views
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What was your "first time" like?
If you enjoy writing, you can check out Unknown and submit your entry in the virtual symposium. Or just read and enjoy!
My story:
In high school, my first requited love, named Lance, sat in his darling British Green MG and watched me for a few weeks from afar as I ran track (very slowly) and high jumped (not very high) as track for me was primarily an opportunity to flirt with tall, handsome Eric who was a football, basketball and track star. And a heck of a nice, smart guy! I keep looking for Eric on FB but can't find him. I'm even friends with his younger sister who I only knew slightly! I wonder how many women write to ask her about him...
Anyway, Lance, who was about to graduate and realized he might not me again, screwed up his courage, so to speak, and joined the school newspaper as an illustrator since I was a writer for the paper. We started flirting in the cafeteria. I think our first date may have been his senior prom. I was thrilled to be asked, since, at 16, I was merely a sophomore. I was nervous as hell! So was he.
The prom started our relationship. Through the summer, we made out in his car, in my car, in the basement rec room of his home. He licked my pussy at the drive-in. No orgasm. Just sort an an "eewwww" feeling about him being down there. I was pretty uptight as a youngster. I'm still not that much of a fan of pussy licking. See Why Men's Offer of Oral Sex Makes Me Yawn
But, I was quite curious since I loved all the kissing and touching and was hot to trot at 16. I had listened carefully in my high school sex ed classes, heard it was unlikely I'd get pregnant while on my period so when that time came around in September, we were down in the basement rec room on the ratty couch listening to The Beatles' "White Album." I was ready. I told him about the "on my period" thing. I said, "NOW! Do IT now!"
He obeyed. I was bossy even then. Now I make a living being bossy.
After some pushing and prodding and not any pain that I recall (Is it true that girls who ride horses lose their virginity or is that a rural myth?), Lance succeeded in penetrating me. And then climaxed in 10 seconds or less. (Interesting side note: Lance's first time had been with a in the cathouse outside Carson City, NV. He got the clap, was humiliated when he had to tell his dad his dick was dripping and go off to get a shot of penicillin in his ass. The embarrassment put him off sex until we hooked up.)
When he finished, I sat up, pulled my pants back up and wondered, "What' the big deal?"
Despite reading his parents' copy of "The Joy of Sex" and consulting older friends, Lance never succeeded in getting me to orgasm through the whole next year. But, man, I LOVED the friction sensation of fucking! Fricking fucking!
In truth, I had more satisfying sexual experiences with the jets of my parents' jacuzzi. They got me off. Surprisingly, it never occurred to me to masturbate using my hands.
Lance put a mattress in the back of his mini-truck with the camper shell and then we fucked out in the sagebrush and in hidden spots that did not avoid our getting questioned by cops. And I was still legally under age. I think 17 was the age of consent in Nevada where I grew up.
Then, I took a break from sex and went off as an exchange student to Japan for my senior year of high school. I also never orgasmed with ANY of the 20+ guys I fucked in college. It took my ex-husband, whom I met my senior year of college, getting me my first vibrator to get my wiring to fire more consistently. I do wish he'd suggested I figure out how to use my hands. Because once you go vibe, it's hard to go back.
My challenge in getting to climax provided the impetus for learning Tantra 20 years ago. Once I learned about my body's immense potential for pleasure in the G-spot, I was hooked. Now I help women, men and couples to increase their pleasure (and address sexual issues) through teaching Tantra, BDSM and relationship-building tools.
So, how was your first time? Share in this blog and share in the symposium:
Unknown
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Bipolybabe69 aka Angie
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How Shall I Build a Milking Table?
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Posted:Feb 25, 2016 7:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2016 6:33 pm
10712 Views
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As a Domina, I get interesting requests. I enjoyed the challenge of trying to have stinky feet for one domination session. Since I am always spotlessly clean and scent-free from a shower right before each session, I couldn't quite figure out how to be smelly in just one spot.
Luckily, I have a creative group of kinky friends. I emailed them my question, and my French ami Dominique replied: "Camembert. One hour in the sun. Apply between toes."
Parfait! (Since a lot of people think Camembert smells like stinky feet anyway.) I put it between my toes and bought some cheap (used) shoes at the thrift store...which I wore for 30 minutes before the session and threw away immediately afterward. The was delighted!
Most recently, I've had someone ask about a "milking table." So I went online and searched for it. My search turned up, drum roll, milking table porn!
I don't have anything against porn but I find it boring. I prefer my sexual experiences in full Sensurround as I'm more oriented toward arousal through sensation and energy in my body, rather than visually focused. The only porn I ever found erotic was the stuff that's outre. Let's just say it's between a woman and man's best friend. But, now I've digressed.
Coming back to my question, how would I figure out where to locate a hole in my massage table to accommodate the greatest number of men's bat and balls?
If you would be so kind as to share your ideas, I'd be most appreciative. If you, Sir, would tell me 1) your height and 2) your height minus head and neck (shoulders down) and 3) how many inches from your shoulders I'd find your best friend, that would be delightful!
Thanking you in advance,
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Bipolybabe69 aka Angie
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More Than One: How to Get the Action Going
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Posted:Feb 22, 2016 10:21 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2016 2:40 pm
10263 Views
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Porn fuels pretty much every straight guy's fantasy: The Pizza Delivery Guy walks in on two beauties who are happily going way down South in Dixie, and all they were missing was his deep dish, err, deep drilling.
Anyway, one potential suitor wrote asking: 1) how I got started with women and 2) how he could get the action rolling when it's more than one-on-one.
Short answers: 1) I was mad at men at the end of my marriage (15 years ago) but I still wanted sex. A one-on-one relationship with a woman offered me both safety (as women are a safe harbor for me) and an opportunity to be adventurous (because I'd never had an experience with a woman before). Last year, I learned from a pretty girl at Sin City 5 in Las Vegas: "If you see a pretty girl and you want to kiss her, go ahead and ask because, otherwise, you might not see her again." I asked, kissed her and then ended up in a shower with half a dozen women and a few lucky guys, including the Partner in Crime who was just not that into me. (Read previous posts where I rant and work on getting this OUT OF MY SYSTEM.)
2) Find a woman, like me, who is interested in women and let her lead. Which means you need to give ME what I desire which is your attention. My female friends and I say, "Bitches be tricky." Women, who value themselves for their relationships rather than other criteria of life success, tend to be competitive with one another. If you're the man wanting more than one woman, you need to be sure to make your partner the center of the experience. While also making sure to include the third person so she doesn't feel like a 5th wheel. This is why "Bitches Be Tricky."
However, I have discovered that in the absence of a man whose attention I'd like to claim, I enjoy the geometry of 3somes with another bi woman. There's something fun for everyone. Especially if the couple is QUITE INTO ME!!!
2a) Water. Put all the bodies in a hot tub, and they tend to move and groove together more organically. Otherwise, it may take too much conversation or alcohol to get the action going. (Too much talk or alcohol puts a damper on sexy fun.)
So, while there's a lot more I've learned about group sexual situations over the past few years, these are just a few tidbits to keep you tuned in. Til the next time...
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Angie aka BiPolyBabe69
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Why Men's Offer of Oral Sex Makes Me Yawn.
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Posted:Feb 17, 2016 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2016 11:55 am
11241 Views
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One potential suitor wrote to me and asked a thoughtful question which demonstrated that he had read my profile: "Why would you decline an offer of pussy licking?"
Here's my response without the "spoonful of sugar" :
1) In my experience, most men approach the pussy with the directness they do their own dicks, which is straight on and applying pressure to the place with the most nerve endings. That almost NEVER works for me because I like to be teased everywhere but the clit until it's clear my body is begging for contact. But men do either what they've been doing for 30+ years or they ape porn which only shows the tongue flicking thing because it's something you can see, rather than the soft mushy mouth that actually works for me. The men who have either learned on their own to tease and titillate or who've come to me for lessons are GREAT!
2) My body is wired for skillful internal stimulation of my G-spot. Cocks work great! They often make me squirt. Some fingers work well. The combo of mushy mouth on my clit plus intense fingers, stupendous. That combo is a high level skill, and not everyone has that level of coordination.
3) My assumption is that offering oral sex is the refuge of the guy who either a) can't get hard and/or stay hard or b) is likely to ejaculate quickly. I help men with both of these issues, teaching some easy Tantric techniques.
Which is not to say that I don't feel empathy for men. Penises are capricious. Men need relaxation and comfort with a woman to be able to function at their highest level. Women also need relaxation and comfort to have our best experiences.
And, with a man who is genuinely willing to take direction and spend as long as it takes to get me off, oral sex could be great but...
4) Most of my experiences these days are with men in my age cohort...which means we get a sore neck from staying in one position. Here's a solution: Mix it up. Go from mouth to hands and back again. Use lubricant for penetration with your fingers. (I prefer coconut oil.) Have her stroke and lick you intermittently, making it clear that you intend to go back down south. It is a rare man who is interested in making more than the obligatory visit: 5 minutes or less. (I've timed it!) Most women need 20-60 minutes before they climax from oral sex.
5) For me, having someone lick my pussy is much more intimate than fucking. I don't know why. Maybe it's the teeth so near my delicate flower.
6) I've used climax (which is different for me than the orgasmic state) as a signal to my body that "I'm done (for the moment)." I can be in an ecstatic state with full body and multiple orgasms through fucking and G-spot stimulation for, literally, hours. But, add the clit stimulation and I get "done" pretty quickly. I can get myself off in under a minute with the perfect combination of pressure on the G-spot and clit stimulation. The perfect combination includes Hitachi Magic Wand, which is wonderfully intense but may be too much for non-vibe girls and your fingers pushing up gently as you watch her face for her reaction. Then a little more firmly, then, there you go!
7) The offer of oral sex from a woman who is willing to keep at it (because a woman will have had an experience in her body of what SHE likes) is more interesting to me.
So, tell me where I'm wrong about my lack of excitement about being offered infinite pussy licking by a man.
{=}{=}{=}
Angie aka BiPolyBabe69
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Valentine's Day Bash or Bust?
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Posted:Feb 15, 2016 8:42 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2016 1:39 pm
10094 Views
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So this year I went off to the desert with "geekcouple*," friends from last year's desert adventure and some newer LesbianPersonals friends passionplayers96. I did NOT invite the guy, with whom I launched the experiment in "the lifestyle" last spring, the one who just wasn't that into me (See previous posts where I rant a bit about what a DICKHOLE he is. He chose the title "Partner in Crime," (PIC)).
Here's my report:
Honestly, I've had a little less joy since I enjoyed hanging out with the PIC and we got along quite well together. But, overall, I'm happier with this experience than I was in most group sex events with him. Even as a believer in polyamory (the idea that we can love and be connected to more than one person), being with him in the sex party environment was often HORRIBLE for me. This PIC was willing, in concept (in advance when we discussed it), to provide the attention and appreciation I requested. However, the minute there was another naked woman in the room, he was focused solely on how soon his mouth or his dick would be attached to her. I would be entirely forgotten and, since I was always aware of him and enjoyed being attached to his body, it made me miserable to observe his avid interest in other women. I have chosen to abandon swinging with him as I am committed to "No more suffering."
Talking to the two couples as we swam in the backyard pool yesterday morning, they both said in essence, "What makes 'this' (the lifestyle/swinging/hobby) work is a strong relationship."
I had to agree. I didn't have much of a relationship with the PIC beyond an agreement to go to swinger events together, and, honestly, I wanted a lot more than that. However, my little doggie Kasidie and I are quite bonded. She's happy to go wherever I go. She nudges me with her nose, and I pet her, giving us both a hit of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. See how cute she is!
Geekcouple (*their profile name from the swinger site which has the same name as my dog) brought their Sparky and both dogs got along great in the house we shared together.
So, what did we five-some do? We went to the big Valentine's Day Bash yesterday at Sea Mountain Inn and then played around in our shared airbnb home this morning and now the local couple, who are returnees for Year 2, and I have a date with yet another couple with whom we connected via the website which we've found to be much more couple-friendly than this one. (Same name as my dog.)
And, I have another date one-on-one later in the evening, thanks to LesbianPersonals.
Do I feel lonely? Just a little. It's a challenge to be un-partnered at Valentine's Day because it's such a couple's thing. But, yanno, it's a lot better to enjoy the company of sexy friends (and my doggie) than feeling regularly rejected and unloved by someone with whom one spends time.
So, how was your Valentine's Day? A great loving bash or total bust?
{=}{=}{=}
Angie aka BiPolyBabe69
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Your Hard Dick is NOT My Problem.
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Posted:Feb 11, 2016 9:11 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2016 11:10 pm
10553 Views
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The last time I was on LesbianPersonals, I quit when I got tired of being seen as a vessel for male ejaculation.
Gross but accurate.
If they've been foolish enough to give out their cell phone number, I'm sure other women have gotten plenty of these pleading hands by text.
🙏
The funny thing is, I told a young guy the other night about how I gave up casual sex on LesbianPersonals the last time because I discovered that men promise to give a massage and then really expect to get fucked after touching me for 5 minutes. And then he proceeded to text me the offer of a massage with no expectations. Except that he mentioned he had a super hard dick from talking to me as we walked around downtown.
Call me cynical but I've been around that block. Literally and figuratively.
It's a kind of subtle (or not so subtle) manipulation, I think, and women have been socialized to be nice and try to meet men's needs, sexual and otherwise, in order to be liked, appreciated, desired.
The thing is...usually the guy pleading is from out of town, has one last day in my town, has not given a smidgen of a clue that he's actually read my profile...and he's asking if I'll help him with his hard-on.
NOT MY PROBLEM, DUDE.
READ MY PROFILE. Pretend to be interested in me as a person. STOP THINKING SOLELY ABOUT YOUR DICK.
Sign me off as,
Grumpy
(Hey, maybe I just need to get laid! ;-0 )
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Decode, Deconstruct and Build Anew
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Posted:Feb 10, 2016 8:20 am
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2016 1:46 pm
9463 Views
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I know that "the 'L' Word (I don't mean the HBO show about lesbians) is used less frequently on this site than "the 'F' word' but I want to talk about LOVE, particularly "Getting the Love You Want" (GLTYW).
I attended the GLTYW workshop -- twice-- once with a Fuck Buddy and once with my 76-year-old dad. Guess which one produced better results?
Yep. The workshop with the guy who just wasn't into me simply exposed how vulnerable I am to unavailable men so I went back to the source. Since the workshop is based on Imago Therapy, the idea that we choose romantic partners based on working out our Mommy/Daddy issues, exploring the process with the father, who is --in part-- responsible for my expectation that men will abandon me, produced much juicier fruit.
(You can search for "Getting the Love You Want" Workshop to find out where one of the workshop for couples is offered near you or check out the book by Harville Hendrix from your local library.)
My dad's friends expressed surprise that he was willing to dive into the unknown waters of this couple's workshop with me, his adult . But, my dad pointed to me and said, "I have a lot of faith in her ideas...so if she wanted to do it, I was IN!" (I make my living as a Life & Sex Coach and I'm an admitted workshop junkie. If there's a personal development workshop, it's likely I've tried it.)
During GTLYW, my dad and I made a plan for how to have conversations with some depth, discussed how to keep me from overwhelming him with a Tsunami of words and generated ideas about joint future travel plans.
The most significant outcome? My dad and I will help one another better understand the opposite gender. Since he and I are both dating with an eye toward finding fun companions for shared activities (besides sex), we can help one another understand the oft-confusing messages and contradictory signals we receive from those we date.
If you're interested in engaging in a Beta Test of how to "Get the Love You Want" by
working through the issues with your parents (even if they're no longer living), please feel free to contact me. (Email privately or leave a note here to ask me to get in touch with you.) From my experience, I assure you that this can be an incredibly healing process and, later, the prepackaged online version will be quite expensive.
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
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Do you pat yourself on the back?
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Posted:Feb 9, 2016 12:21 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2016 5:58 pm
9209 Views
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I was feeling yucky (You know that sort of sick-to-your-stomach feeling when you realize you've been a jerk?) about my latest exchange with the guy who's just not that into me.
He and I've been off and on for a year, and we're off now. Really off. Done. Spent.
Rita Mae Brown said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." This quote is often attributed to Einstein but it belongs to one of my fave authors, Rita Mae Brown. Go ahead. Look it up.
Now that you're back from looking it up, let's return to my bad feeling and my next thought:
"Hey, Angie, do you realize how quick you were to catch yourself this time and apologize for being snotty and superior?"
That's real progress! We will all make mistakes and behave badly. It's part of being human.
But, you see, I hate to be in the wrong. I HATE to apologize. I have been known to write endless emails (most of which I do not send) to prove how right I am and how wrong is the other person. All that arguing takes time and energy. Time and energy I could spend on activities that are more productive. Like writing this blog. (That's a joke in case you hadn't noticed. Writing a blog here serves as verbal wanking.)
So, I wrote my apology to him and moved on, effectively ending that internal debate.
Because what I live for is to contribute in a positive way to others' lives and to grow into my best self.
So, quitting that argument right away and apologizing was a major step forward in my personal development. I'm giving myself a big pat on the back.
And, because I'm not perfect (In fact, I can be quite a snotty, superior and sharp-tongued bitch), I want to announce that the guy who was just not that into me is A HUGE DICKHOLE (which is a combination of a big dick attached to a man who behaves like a selfish asshole) who has NEVER once apologized for the number of crappy things he has said to me. Even after he agreed that it was crappy to announce to me THREE TIMES in the space of 20 minutes that he's not emotionally attached to anyone, he did not apologize. I also did not fuck him. Instead, I told him to go home. I tolerated for too long that he didn't appreciate me, but I'm not a total patsy.
A man who --after a year of fucking me a couple times a week-- tells me, in effect, that he really doesn't care about me, my needs or my feelings is THE TOTAL DICKHOLE, which = self centered asshole plus a big dick. Which I miss.
Now, I take a deep breath, blow it out and think: "Hey, his problems are not mine to fix. My only job is to focus on me."
I'll write soon about what I learned by going with my 76-year-old dad to a couple's workshop, the same one I went to with THE TOTAL DICKHOLE but here's one useful takeaway:
{=}{=}{=}
BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie
P.S.--I don't need to apologize for venting here, right? I haven't yet told him that he's THE TOTAL DICKHOLE. I'd like to enjoy just a bit longer being snotty, superior and sharp-tongued. And then I'll let it go and give myself a pat on the back.
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To link to this blog (bipolybabe69) use [blog bipolybabe69] in your messages.
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