Conspiracy theory...
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Posted:Jan 10, 2014 11:05 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2014 9:30 pm
5967 Views
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I think there is a conspiracy against me ever having sex again.  It seems like just when I get something planned, something comes up and the plans are ruined.
I was determined one way or another to end my nearly 2 year drought this weekend. I had actually decided to head to Bozeman and have a nice weekend. I even had a couple of men interested! But then I get a call, and I have family coming to stay with me this weekend. Did you hear that? That was the sound of my sex dreams shattering. *sigh*
I still had hope for last night and maybe today, but the window is closing...
Last night, with the encouragement of two new friends, I NEARLY slipped a former crush a card telling him to call me for a good time. Because that is all I really want from him. But I'm glad I didn't. I was laying in bed later, with Duracell, and I imagined him in bed with me...I can't really explain it, but I felt weird imagining him fucking me. Even though I KNOW he is well hung. Wtf is wrong with me?!
Then, on my way home, I get a text out of the blue from a man I've been talking to. We all know what 2 am texts mean. Woohoo! So, he wants to see a pic of me. My rule is to see a pic of the guy first before I send one of me. I've sent the first pic before, only to have the man not send one, then he sees me in a public setting and "outs" me as being on passion! Wtf part of discretion don't some people understand?! So, anyway, we go back and forth and he assures me that I don't know him and urges me to send a pic. I forgot to mention that he had another man interested in coming, too. So, I finally get one pic. Cute guy, blurry pic. Waiting for the next one, and he's like "now you." So I tell him not until I see the 2nd guy. (I'm not trying to be difficult, I just have to be sure I done know this guy) He won't send it. Then he asks me if I'm a democrat. Huh? Wtf does that have to do with anything?! So, I text him that I don't label myself with any party. I believe what I believe. But I don't like our current president. No response. I give him a couple of minutes, text him again. No response. I had been all ready to invite them over, all I needed was one pic. But no, they couldn't do it. And maybe I should shoulder some of the blame, but I work at a job where I see many different people. The last thing I need is to constantly see someone I've had a 3sum with.
Also, my premonition-like feeling from my previous post never came true. I can't decide if I'm relieved or disappointed. I can't help but to think that if I'd run into him last night, I might be having sex right now, instead of writing in my blog. *double sigh*
What do I do?
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um, ok...
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Posted:Jan 9, 2014 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2014 1:34 am
5291 Views
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So, that is my horoscope for today. Awesome. I don't normally put a lot of stock in horoscopes, but this one is getting to me. I think the reason is because I have this almost premonition-like sense that I'm going to see a former lover tonight/this weekend. Part of me wants to, so I can set my mind to rest about the possibility of hooking up again. I'm going to do something so unlike me and actually come straight out and ask him if he's interested. The other part of me isn't so sure. That is where this horoscope comes in. This time around, I think he'd have the power to play with my emotions and hurt me. I've been steeling myself for the possibility of seeing him. Telling myself there would be nothing more than sex...if I'm reading signals right. But you know me and signals. But I guess if I'm prepared,
There as a few other options for the role of the guy who could play with my emotions. But I guess if I go into the weekend knowing to watch for it, I should be ok.
Probably shouldn't put much stock into a horoscope, but it can't hurt to keep my eyes open and protect my emotions, right?
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And this is why...
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Posted:Jan 8, 2014 7:35 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2019 2:42 am
6776 Views
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What the fuck is wrong with people? My being on here isn't hurting you, is it? It's not hurting anyone, really.
So, why must people act like assholes. If you don't like my profile, fine. Move along. I know I'm not everyone's type, and I'm ok with that. I've seen plenty of profiles that I don't like or that don't interest me. Do I email these people and insult them? No, I don't. I move along. to the next profile.
Today I got an email from an asshole...um, I mean guy. He called me fat (true, I've never tried to hide it,) and basically told me that no decent man would contact me or touch me with a 10 foot stick. And that I should be humble if I want to get laid. Basically telling me I should take anything that is thrown my way and to not complain.
I shouldn't care who I fuck. Well, excuse my fat ass, but I know what I want and what I'm attracted to There are plenty of decent men that like women like me. I find his need to tear me down quite pathetic. He must be an unhappy boy. I've met plenty of decent men.
Why is it ok for him to treat me like that? Because I'm fat? Do people think I don't have feelings?
If you don't like someone's profile, move along. There is no need to belittle that person. It just shows how ugly that person is.
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Wow, today I'm particularly horny.
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Posted:Jan 8, 2014 12:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2014 12:28 pm
5578 Views
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Well, we all know I'm pretty much always horny, but today seems a little more than normal. I don't know why. Maybe it had something to do with reading those old emails last night. And remembering the fantastic sex. I cum easily, but there is one time with this man that Ican't get off. of my mind. It was the most fantastic orgasm I've ever had. I can still picture the place, the feeling of him between my legs, the naughty things he was saying, the way my legs, shook when I came the first time. His surprise at the strength of my orgasm. It was so hot.
Maybe the reason I can't get the man off of my mind, is because he was the last man I actually had sex with...nearly 2 years ago. I've fooled around with other men, but no actual penis in vagina sex. Sometimes fooling around is enough for me, especially if the man makes sure I cum. But I really miss the feeling of a man entering me, moving his hips, thrusting into me. Geez, I'm a horn dog. I don't know how anyone doesn't enjoy sex. I once told this man that if I had access to him all of the time, he'd be worn out. I was thinking of ways to keep things spicy. Role playing, stranger meetings in bars (you know that fantasy...we get dressed up, go out separately and one tries to "pick up" the other for sex,) different wigs with different personalities...would this keep you interested in sex for a while?
I never want my sex life to get stale...if I ever get to have another sex life. lol. I need to be with a man that knows of my huge sexual appetite. One I can feel free to initiate sex. I haven't done that in past relationships. I always let the man initiate sex, because I feared them thinking I was a freak or feared them rejecting me, because they didn't want sex as often as I did. But when I do finally find this man, I won't share. I always used to joke that I flunked "sharing" in kindergarten. lol
I realize my not having sex had a lot to do with me. I have had offers, but something always happens. Either one of us flakes, the guy just isn't into me, or I don't trust that he is actually interested.
I recently was emailing with a guy on here. He had the little red "x" in the body type, which means I don't match what he's looking for in a body type. I told him this and he said he knew I was plus sized and was still interested. He just needed to update his profile. Fine. I trusted him. I never lied to him, never misled him. But I have a feeling that he knows who I am, and instead of telling me, he just stopped speaking to me. His loss.
But these are the types of things that happen to me You must be wondering how hideous I am, if a man doesn't take up the offer of "free" sex. I'm not. I've been called cute, pretty, even gorgeous. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm not for everyone, everyone isn't for me.
And I get a lot of attention from married men. I prefer that the men be single. I've been with married guys before, but with their wife's permission. Or they lied and told me they were single.
Anyways, I'm sort of rambling....again. Sorry. I think this will be the weekend I end the drought. (I say that every weekend) But I know I can't go much longer without feeling a man inside of me, I'll go stir crazy. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. Thanks Duracell. Still haven't decided if I'm going to travel somewhere or stay here in billings. I really wanted the man I met in Bozeman to be the one to break the nearly two year drought, but I think he may have lost interest...
Maybe I should call the psych ward and have them prepare a bed for me, in case it doesn't happen...I'm almost not joking. I think.
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Torture...
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Posted:Jan 7, 2014 10:30 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2014 12:25 pm
5351 Views
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I don't know why I do the things I do, but I must like torturing myself. And not in a physical way...well, not physical for the MOST part. LOL Other than serving to turn me on, it is mostly mental torture.
I'll explain.
I don't know what caused me to go back thru old emails, but I did. I found a TON of emails from a guy that I would give just about anything to have back in my life. I miss him, I miss the emails, and quite frankly, I miss the fantastic sex. (*who wouldn't?) It's not that I don't see the man occasionally, but he is strictly "hands-off." He has a girlfriend. He won't even talk to me when she is around. I don't know if he thinks she'll figure out that we had a 5 year sexual relationship or what. Or if he thinks I would say something....Like she'd believe me. If you looked at both of us, you'd realize we are polar opposites. I'm have auburn hair, she is blond, I am big, she is skinny, and I'm sure there are plenty more differences. I just hope that the sex with her sucks. (yes, I'm being petty, so sue me. I'm jealous that she gets to have his body and I am stuck with fucking batteries that run out way too fast). He is the first man I've been that at ease with, that I was sleeping with.
But reading through the old emails was a huge mistake. It brought back memories I'd forgotten and evoked powerful images of when we first met. The exciting times we had. Hell, the emails we exchanged. I think I almost hate myself for still wanting him.
Reading the emails made me realize that we truly were friends. He offered advice on stuff, we chatting about things, he made me laugh. It's probably a good thing I didn't allow myself to fall for him back then. I don't know how, because reading through those old emails made me realize just how charming he was back then. I could very easily have fallen for him. Maybe it's because I miss the sex so much. He always made me cum so easily. I loved his hands. Kind of rough, but they knew just where to touch....
I don't know why I do the things I do. There are over 90 emails on there, not to mention the naughty texts we'd send and the phone calls...
I should probably stop reading the emails, now...I'm only halfway thru them...
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perfect encounter
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Posted:Jan 7, 2014 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2014 6:33 pm
5159 Views
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I'm curious. What would be your perfect encounter with someone of the opposite sex, from this site?
Mine would start in a hotel room. I would be waiting for him. Anticipating his arrival, I'm already wet. When he walked thru the door, he'd pull me close and give me a long, deep kiss. His hands would start running over my body as he backs me up against the nearest wall. My hands reaching to pull him closer, pulling at his clothing....
Basically, what I'm saying is I want a guy to show me he wants me, wants tobe there, passion. I don't want a guy to just act like he's just there to get off. He might be, but make itgot, make it passionate. Just my opinion....
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Cabin Fever...
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Posted:Jan 7, 2014 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2014 5:44 pm
5180 Views
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I'm going stir crazy. I've met men in the past couple of months and only one really cared ifI had pleasure, too. Unfortunately no actual sex. Just some foreplay stuff. I also CHOSE to give one guy oral. But he had such a nice cock, I wanted to. (he was the one I'm hoping to gettogether with someone soon).
I'm not having much luck here in Billings. Part of it is the fear that I might know the guy, or that it's the guy, that I've blocked 8+ times. Plus, I get most email from men over 60. Even though I clearly state that I'm just not into older men. I have my reasons. It would be like me expecting men who aren't interested in my type (bbw, plus sized, rubenesque, etc) to give me a try. It's different if they choose to email me, but I always make it clear that I'm a big woman. I've never contacted the older men, and some are downright pushy. There are women that like older men, but I have my reasons for not being interested. It's not personal. I'm also friends with a local lady who has an ad on the site. When men choose between the two of us,they more than likely choose her. She's a very good looking lady. I'm pretty, but kindof fade into the background when compared to her. 
Anyways, back to the Cabin fever...I'm going crazy stuck in my home on weekends. It sucks that it is winter and I never know what the weather or road conditions are going to be like on the weekends. I want to get out of town. I shouldn't go anywhere, because I'mtrying to save $$ to go to Vegas in February.
But I'm getting that traveling bug. I'm consideringBozeman, Great Falls and one other place. Not sure my Bozeman guy friends are interested, though. I haven't heard back from the two guys I speak to there.
Great Falls has cowboys from the rodeo going on there this weekend. Plus, I have a former "friend" that I wouldn't mind getting together with again. But I should stay home. Stay out of trouble, save money.
I just don't want to. If I could assure myself that I would have some fun, I would travel. Just tired of men flaking out on me. And I don't want to pester guys that I've been talking to. They know I'm interested and willing to travel. maybe I should just go to Chico and have a girl weekend. Who knows.
I'm also thinking about restarting the adult items...massagers, oils, lubes, toys etc. I could really use the discount if my sex life, or lack thereof, continues the way it has been. Lol
What do you think, should I go somewhere for the weekend? depends on the weather, too, but it looks like it is supposed to be a decent weekend...
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That's just wrong
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Posted:Jan 6, 2014 3:28 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2014 1:00 pm
5338 Views
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"Just want to get my dick sucked." "Need head, now" "Quick blow job."
Shame on the man who would write those titles. May they never get their dicks sucked again.
Now, I know men love getting head. No surprise there. That's fine. I like getting my pussy licked, but I'd never write an ad stating that I want a man to come over lick my pussy and leave. That's purely selfish. If a man wants to do that, fine. Or if I want to just suck his cock, that is different.
I get that this (and others like it) are sex sites for like minded individuals. But to expect that someone comes over, sucks your cock and leaves is kind of rude. Ok, not kind of. To me, it suggests that you are married or attached and don't consider blow jobs cheating *cough*Mr.Clinton*cough*. You're afraid you can't please a woman sexually, so why bother. You're just an ass who cares for no one's pleasure but yours.
That being said, I have had fwb where that is all we've done. If I OFFER, that is different. There at times when I want nothing more than to wrap my lips around a thick, hot, hard cock. But to just expect a blow job for nothing just irritates me. What makes these men think that they are so worthy of that attention?
Sorry, I'm on a mini rant. I just hate reading that kind of title. I just want to get laid, but I also want to make sure my partner enjoys himself.
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not sure what I should do
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Posted:Jan 5, 2014 11:48 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2019 2:38 am
5756 Views
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Recently, I ran into a blast from the past. He has begun working at an establishment that I frequent. My jaw dropped when I realized he worked there. I'm not quite comfortable going in there. It's not that we fought or anything. But in order for you to understand, I'll have to take you back to the beginning.
Normally, this guy isn't someone I'd go after. He's younger, 2-3 inches shorter than me and skinny. Very skinny. But I still managed to develop quite a crush on him. He's not the normal personality that I'm even attracted to. He's kind of quiet and serious. But there was something I liked. We eventually exchanged numbers and along with my gay bff (at the time) began hanging out. Somewhere along the way, I started hanging out with one of my guy friend's ex gf. (he was ok with it). She didn't really understand the crush, nor did she like the guy. She was always calling him some name...loser, ugly, lame etc.
One night, the gay bff and the crush were hanging out with me. I was in heaven. The guy was actually getting flirty with me. Well, I'll just say that things progressed while we were alone. Then the gbff walked in and proceeded to get all bitchy. I didn't understand why. He knew how much I really liked this guy. (we'd been on many long drives after he gotten off work.) So, the party broke up and we all went our separate ways.
When I finally managed to corner my gbff, I wanted to know what the fuck was up. He looked guilty. I finally got it out of him that he'd positioned my crush and my crush allowed the gbff to give him a blow job. Now, I'm not one to judge. The crush, was single at the time and if he was bi or bi curious, that's his deal. Where I had the problem, my FORMER gay bff sucked my current crush's dick. Knowing full well that I really liked the guy.
So, I dropped the gbff when he wouldn't apologize for breaking bff code. The reason he had gotten pissy when he'd walked in on me and my crush was because he was jealous.
Next friend. The one that really disliked the crush,. She tolerated hanging out with him when we'd get together. One night, after the bar closed, I invited them to come hang out and watch a movie at my place. He rode with me, she followed. I was excited. We had more drinks at my house. Enough that things were getting a little hazy. Later, when it was time to take him back to his vehicle, she all of a sudden was eager to take him back to his truck. I had sobered up by this point and was getting a little irritated with her. She knew I liked him and wanted to be alone with him, but she was being weird. I'm sure you can see where this is headed.
I took him back to his truck and headed home. Later that day, I sent her a text to ask her what was up. After some texting, she finally called me and explained that she and my crush had spoken the previous night and she was going to date him. Wait! What!? The man that the night before she been calling ugly and a loser, she now wanted to date?! She didn't see why I should have a problem with this, because he didn't like me that way. Does anyone see why I would have been upset? Then she says this: "Why can't you be happy for me? I just want a boyfriend!" She didn't say, "I really like him," or "he's a nice guy." She JUST WANTED A BOYFRIEND! If she'd come to me and said that after talking to him, she had begun to like him and he liked her, would I give her my blessing to date? I probably would have , I've done it before.
I ended the friendship, they began to date. Less than a year later, they were married and moving. Less than a year after that, they were divorced. She called me and told me and asked if I was still mad at her. I wasn't , but I told her that I'd never trust her. When she couldn't understand why, I realized how truly selfish she was.
Fast forward a couple of years. I was out with a friend, when who should I see, but the former crush. This friend knew nothing of the crush, but she noticed the guy. Why would she notice the guy you may wonder? Because every 5-10 minutes, he made sure to walk by our table. She mentioned it, so I told her an abbreviated story of the one above. A light bulb seemed to go off. She mentioned he seemed to be trying to get my attention. I agreed but didn't know how to proceed our how to approach him.
A few months later, I walked into the same place, only to find that he now works there. I know this is a long, drawn out sorry, and if you're still reading, I owe you a kiss. He still makes sure to walk by me frequently. I don't know if I should say hi to him, or if he's playing some sort of weird game. What do I do? Should I say hi to him? What should I say if I do? I never told him the things his now ex-wife used to call him. I'm not angry with him, just not sure where to go from here.
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what do you think?
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Posted:Jan 4, 2014 11:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2014 6:20 pm
5789 Views
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I'm shy . We all know that. But despite that, I'm able to go out to very busy, very public placeall alone. It doesn't bother me. What do you think of a female that can do this? Before you answer, let me say that I don't go out with the intentions of picking up men(at least notallof the time, that would be an exercise in futility most times lol ). I go or because I want to be around people.
But what do YOU see when you see a woman alone at a bar?
I'm going out tonight by myself. I usually go downtown. Sometimes I'll go to watch a game, sometimes I go to people watch, and sometimes I just go to people watch,. But assmen, do you think seeing a woman alone is pathetic or does it take a certain amount of confidence?
I had a discussion with a friend. She's a social butterfly, I used to be a social butterfly. But now, I compare myself to a caterpillar. Sometimes a boy takes me out of the garden and plays with me, but usually goes chasing down the more elusive butterflies. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll be a butterfly again...
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sports...
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Posted:Jan 4, 2014 2:59 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2014 11:34 am
5119 Views
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I love sports. Pretty much any sport. Although I'm not a boxing or MMA fan...can't stand to see people willing to get hit and beat up. Especially when you see what repeated head trauma will do to you...but I'm straying from my original thoughts, as usual.
I'm watching one of the NFL payoff games. I don't watch sports because of the hot guys, they are just a perk. But if I did watch just for the man candy, Alex Smith would be one I'd watch all of the time. The man is just hot, sexy and delicious. I know he's married. I also know that even if he wasnt, I wouldn't have a snow ball's chance in hell with him. I also just recently found out my baseball boyfriend is allegedly engaged. What?! He only met me twice! I didn't even geta chance!! Lol let's not mention that the man is 6'5" and completely gorgeous...and 7 years younger than me.
But like I said, the men are not what I watch sports for. I have a competitive nature. I can often be the loudest one in the stands. I yell at the tv. I want my team to win...always. Even when I know they suck and probably won't win.
So, a perfect day for me? Watching a game with a hot guy and surprising him at halftime with a blow job and maybe a quickie. Then after the game, a long sensual fuck. Maybe a nice oil massage, running my hands over his body, knowing I have free reign with his body. Kissing him, hearing him groan when I touch a sensitive area, teasing him...
Who wants to watch football with me?
**edited** sorry for all of the errors. They should be corrected now
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can't stop
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Posted:Jan 4, 2014 12:26 am
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2014 11:29 am
4864 Views
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I love music. I love movies with great sound tracks. Sometimes I think my life should have a soundtrack. There's a song for everything. Songs take me back to certain times in my life...and for a minute I almost feel like I'm there, again. It's crazy.
One song takes me back to an amazing night spent with a former lover...the song played over and over in the background, while we got very little sleep. But oh how it was worth every lost minute of sleep!! When I hear it, I can almost feel him inside of me, taste him kissing me, feel his hands on me...almost cum....almost, but not quite 
Other songs take me back to being on a bus in high school at 5 in the morning, on the way to a track meet, trying to sleep, but AC/DC's Razor's Edge was playing over the speakers. Who the fuck plays that album at fucking 5am?! Apparently my teammates.
Or the song that takes me back to college, the first frat party I'd gone to. The first time a guy I didn't know (hot, too ) asked me to dance. I still remember the dimness of the room, the low hum of voices, his cute, crooked smile...and the song that was playing was Eric Clapton's "Beautiful Tonight."
Lately I've been listening to a lot of sexually suggestive songs. But there seems to be an overabundance of them. Not that I mind. I like those kinds of songs. Timber by Pitbull w/ Kesha (LOVE) that song, yeah, maybe I'll yell Timber the next time I want to go down. Slut Like You by P!nk...Finally...a female singer saying that just because she's doing what a man does and gets high fived for, there is nothing wrong with it. (I'm not a slut, I just love love...best line from a song in a LONG time lol )
I also remember very fondly a couple of the songs that were playing the last time I was with a man. He'd picked one of the classic rock stations on my cable and we layed in bed talking for a while. I sure do miss those times....and that man. I talked to him recently, and it only made me want him again. I need to stay away from him. He seems happy in his relationship, and I feel like a fucking fish on a hook...
Sorry, I'm rambling. I just have a lot of thoughts in my head.
I've recently discovered that I am naïve in my willingness to forgive people and to trust them. I can only hope to learn from this experience.
Sometimes I feel like my life was an 80's montage (is that how you spell that?). Or when it rains and I'm feeling down, I know just the song that should be playing.
Maybe one day I'll type up the track list to the soundtrack of my life...my be a triple disc set.
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To link to this blog (shysexual_MTgirl) use [blog shysexual_MTgirl] in your messages.
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