Light Switches and Tacos - Sluts to aspire to.
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Posted:Jul 25, 2015 8:56 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 6:59 pm
96082 Views
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Been away for a while. Not logistically but just tuned out to focus on other things. Decided to check in and what do I find? I missed voting for this month's Virtual Symposium. Doesn't really matter though - HUMORLIFE has a great mind and I am interested in writing about any of the topics nominated.Since last time I was super-serious I thought I'd pull something a little more acrostic for this one. Adding in my own style, of course.
So On Slut Is The Topic For The Tenth Virtual Symposium More entertaining than "off Slut" I guess?
Opening your legs to anyone does not automatically make you a slut. What makes you a slut is your attitude about it. Many of us have had fun with the term, using it loosely (pun alert) and even as a way to talk about someone we may be jealous of. These days the sluts of the world are the ones we seek. By the time they are considered a slut they've figured out what feels good and don't waste your time fumbling around. Experience matters.
Negative term? Maybe, but men are sluts too. So at least the negativity is spread so everyone gets some. Kinda self-fulfilling isn't it?
Soft bread can sometimes have these spots that are hard, right? That's from not properly kneading the dough and back in the 18th century those little hard spots were known as "slut's pennies". I threw that in just in case you thought the S should be for SLUT right off.. gotta be a little unpredictable.
Light switches are the ultimate slut - hands all over them; always turning them on. Now I'm gonna have to dress like one for Halloween - just 'cause I said that.
Urban Dictionary's favorite definition of slut is "A woman with the morals of a man". Yeah, that's weak. I like something like - "someone who has decided to not put limits on their enjoyment". Or maybe: "someone who stops allowing society to determine what (or whom) they do". I think Urban Dictionary needs to step it up!
Tacos [and burritos] are the SLUTS of the food world. Pretty much everything imaginable is jammed into them. Admit it - suddenly you want Mexican food, don't you?
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Doing what I'm told!
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Posted:Jul 4, 2015 9:01 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:01 pm
84550 Views
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So the LesbianPersonals has had a tagline for a week or so for the 4th - "Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot This 4th of July".
So I installed a new router,
I watched the lizards on my front porch go at it,
And today I filled the last of their demands:
I went to the beach and set off fireworks; made sure one hit someone and then apologized to them.
So am I good at following directions or what??
Happy Independence Day everyone!
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Being a Submissive - a Symposium Submissive that is!
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Posted:Jun 27, 2015 10:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:04 pm
97614 Views
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Thanks to humorlife and his "Ninth Virtual Symposium" I write today's post on the topic of Body Image/Imagery.
When I was a there was this one day when a teacher told us that the way we taste food has as much to do with our sense of sight and smell as our own taste buds. So of course at lunch I plugged my nose and closed my eyes and took a bite of the shepherd's pie I loved so much. Of course the flavor was gone. Nothing but texture. It was terrible.
When I think of our bodies I think of the same thing. What if we were blind? Would we still think Barbie was beautiful? Would our sex drive be the same if we couldn't hear a woman moan?
Our eyes can be tricked easily - the right clothes, better posture, etc. But when all that is gone - when we are laid bare, that's when the rest of the senses get their use. That's when we know how attractive we really are to the person we are with. Those who choose to be intimate with us use many senses at once and even throw in a little imagination.
Yet when WE look at ourselves in the mirror we are only using the one sense - sight. And because that is all we use we come away thinking ourselves to be less than others would think of us. Our own body image is like that shepherd's pie - bland.
I know I sound preachy but truth be told I am one of the culprits. My ex-husband left me with a huge Barbie complex and I find it impossible to shake it. I have trouble believing compliments because I don't see myself with all the same senses that others do. I don’t really mean this as some deep confession.
I SIMPLY WANT STAR TREK TO FIX ME!
I mean Gene Roddenberry had the idea for cell phones, for sonic showers, for transporting molecules, hell he even had an idea for world peace. Yet nothing in his shows or movies or books gave women the power to transform their bodies into whatever they believe to be perfect. Granted he didn't often bring an imperfect body on set to begin with, but still he should have thought up a machine or an organism that solves every woman’s problem, right? Ooooh what about a mirror that uses all senses so we see what everyone else sees?
I guess I just believe Science Fiction should be able to solve all of my problems. So let's wake Roddenberry from his death spell and make him solve it, shall we? We can handle him as a zombie, right?
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Land on me baby!
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Posted:Jun 25, 2015 8:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:05 pm
94671 Views
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Spacex is launching another rocket again. Sending supplies to the International Space station. For the third time they will attempt to land the rocket booster on a barge off our coast. The first two attempts met with failure.
Why did I mention this you ask?
Well because if Spacex - a mulit-Billion dollar company - has trouble getting their tool on a waiting vessel suddenly your own tool not being attended to by an LesbianPersonals hook-up shouldn't be that big of deal, right?
I'm just sayin'.. keep trying guys.
Besides each time Spacex tries again it costs them millions. At least an LesbianPersonals attempt is cheaper!
May the rod find its landing spot this time!!
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Is that all?
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Posted:Jun 22, 2015 7:54 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:05 pm
84451 Views
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The question has been floated - what am I looking for? I know I’ve covered this in spurts before but I can’t be upset with others when they aren’t clear if I am not crystal clear myself. So what indeed do I want?
Well GREAT SEX of course!
Okay that was an easy answer. I should just drop the mic and walk out, right?
But we all define great sex differently. For many who happen to drop me unimaginative hump attempt emails, great sex is probably ANY sex. For others new sex might be the best.
For me it is more of a combination. New is exciting and, with the right person, can be intense. But it is not fulfilling enough. For me great sex starts with attraction, with a healthy dose of teasing. Yes I can chat and email with the best of them. But even that isn’t enough because proximity could add so much to the teasing mix as well. Imagine thinking of all the sensual possibilities every single time you pass me in the hallway – and then you pass me again, and again and again. When the sex finally happens it will be wildly crazed.
But then we need to take it from intense and crazed to GREAT. Attentiveness is key there. What made me suck in my breath suddenly? What part of my body am a skillfully maneuvering away from your touch and why? What changes with deep eye contact? Did I just say yes to something? Take mental notes. Someone who knows and understands my nuances is likely the one that will give me what I want. This is not easy, I understand that. I don’t ever lose control, even when drunk. My brain does not turn off easily and my mind is always focused on YOUR enjoyment, not my own.
The last thing I want to hear is that you won’t cum until I do. I would much rather have round two be for me. Let the first round be crazed and let round two build slowly and sensually. That’s your opportunity to take charge – to run the show. Tease me, drive me wild. Make me feel as if your desire for me has not waned now that you’ve climaxed.
So yes I am here for sex, as you’d expect. I don’t disguise it by saying I want a relationship like other sites do. Maybe that’s not fair – I do want a relationship. Just not a traditional one. I want our bodies to have the relationship; our minds too.
Can you make me want it again instead of simply ‘more’? There is a difference.
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Shark Infested waters part for ME!
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Posted:Jun 20, 2015 7:58 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:08 pm
83444 Views
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When I was a I went on a spring break trip to the keys. It was the first time a boy kissed me and even held my hand. Of course all the other picked on him and, well that was the end of that. But I remember being disappointed in him well before he decided to cave to peer pressure.
The trip was truly fun - we were taught how to snorkel, we got to pick up live things from the ocean (and put them back), we had huge bonfires at night and the best part - the shark pit. No really, there was a pit- a small pond I guess - on the property with a little pier out to the middle of it. The counselors told us all to never go in the pit unless one of them was there. It was stocked with all sorts of sharks.
So guess what I did?
Yup - I went in. It was our last day there. We had a few hours of freedom before the bus was to leave. I begged and begged until a counselor walked me out to the pier and watched over me as I climbed in. I only swam around in a slow circle for a few minutes but still
I SWAM WITH SHARKS!!!
It was too dark in the pit to see most of them and the ones I saw were small nurse sharks but still. I had an opportunity to do something totally unusual and I did not shy away from it.
So when dreamboy wanted to end whatever the hell we had, I didn't have any issue with that. You see he wussed out - stood on the sidelines and watched. Even back then I knew that the guy who doesn't take a chance isn't worth it to me. Of course I couldn't put words to it back then but, well now words are my version of crack.
So now, nearly 35 years later I look back on that and realize that it told a ton about my personality. I want to see and explore new things. I don't shy away from something because it is difficult or scary. That isn't to say I don't get scared. I absolutely do. But I don't let it stop me from something cool.
Plus it makes for a much better story now. I mean how boring would this be if I said there was this shark pit and I DIDN'T go in??
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Schizophrenia and the - wait, what did the other me just say?
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Posted:Jun 14, 2015 8:56 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:08 pm
85045 Views
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Many years ago when I told my parents I was getting married I received an eye opening response. My mom immediately launched into planning mode – full of questions and such - totally normal. My dad was just dead silent on the phone. He’d congratulated me and was happy, but I found out much later he was shocked that I wanted a nice, romantic type wedding – gown and all.
You see I was always a tom-boy. I was (and am) forward, direct and loud. I am the girl screaming at football games, the one who never wears makeup and aside from some big hair in the years don’t really doll up much. My dad apparently assumed that was the extent of my personality. But there’s this other side of me that he never really paid attention to. The side that thinks wedding dresses are the most beautiful dresses ever made and it sucks that it takes a wedding to have/get one – then only wear it once. I love to dance – serious dancing. I never really learned, but I think Astaire and Rogers were the most amazing dancers ever (next to Magic Mike, of course). I would LOVE to get dolled up once in a while and be beautiful. Just like I’d love to put on boots and a cowboy hat once in a while and hit some country bar somewhere.
But so many, like my dad, get to know a piece of me and think that’s all there is. They focus on what they want from knowing me and the rest simply is ignored. But I’d like to think that we are all a little schizo down deep. That we are all multi-faceted and that saying we are just one thing or just enjoy one part of life is selling us all short.
We wouldn’t be on LesbianPersonals if we didn’t want to expand ourselves – right? I mean who on this site ever said “I’m just a normal once a week missionary position person; don’t want more than that”? So if we are about expanding ourselves, learning new things or trying out different parts of our personality how can we be happy when someone judges us based on only a small part of who we are? The personality questions when building your profile try to cover so many things and that helps a little I guess. But even then – it doesn’t cover it all. I do love to surprise people, don’t get me wrong. I’d hate to think someone knew EVERY piece of me. Wouldn’t that lead to boredom?
But how do you push someone to keep an open mind about your personality? It’s like first impressions should be a constant thing. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all approach each other with a blank slate every day?
What will you do to surprise me?
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He humps WHAT??
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Posted:Jun 13, 2015 7:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:09 pm
84851 Views
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So just got back from vacation and kidless for about a week. I went over to a neighbor's house and we got to talking and drinking. TWO HOURS later (I guess I talk a lot) her comes down the hallway with a stuffed animal in his mouth. My neighbor get's my attention and says - "watch this!".
The heads for the front screen door, drops the stuffed animal -which also happens to be a dog - stares outside for a moment then proceeds to methodically have sex with the stuffed animal.
Now the is fixed and is 8 years old but apparently has a nightly routine like this, and has for all 8 years. The stuffed animal is the exact same one every night and he turns it around so he can get the backside of the animal. We watched the do his animal like 4 times, taking a break to look outside in between. And I could not help but laugh hysterically.
So many questions came to mind and because she doesn't know me THAT well I had to keep them to myself. But here...
Where did he learn this routine? Hmmm?
And what happens when they throw the stuffed animal in the wash? Does the know something happened to his sex toy?
I guess dogs prefer their blow up dolls to have fur? Who knew?
Totally want to mess with the and hide the sex'd out stuffie somewhere for a day.
What happens when they travel with the dog, do they have to remember the toy? Does the run back in the house to get it?
The never humps anything else - Does that make the monogamous?
I'm still laughing. Geez - a few years ago I was writing about lizards having sex on my window, now this.. How do these things find me?
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All the news that too hot to print.
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Posted:Jun 2, 2015 8:31 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:10 pm
95153 Views
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Okay so my mind is a little odd..
I watch my local news sometimes and happen to have it on right now. There is much news so they are flipping from one story to the next pretty fast; not wasting any unnecessary time boring me.
And yet my mind wanders. What if LesbianPersonals had a news channel? Can you imagine?
Breaking news: WittyWoman resurfaces after 3 years of absence - what will she do, who will she do and how hot will the stories be?
Next at 11: Sexy_SandraD announces national topless day is August 29th. Puts out a call for participants.
Next up: oldirtybacchus admits he isn't really 94 years old, stay tuned for splendiferous video evidence.
Or what if we could take normal news and turn it into something LesbianPersonals worthy?
Instead of "Acting Director of TSA is re-assigned amid scandal" it could be "Acting Director of TSA craves T&A for more interesting scandal than what he's currently dealing with"
or
Senate passed a bill today that prevents the government from collecting data and phone records unless it gets a warrant first" Becomes more like "NSA employees quit enmasse upset because they are no longer permitted to listen in on some awesome phone sex"
Maybe I just want my news to be more interesting? But seriously - if it were as fun as all that you'd pay attention to the news, wouldn't you?
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Bare abs, adulthood and - did I say BARE ABS?
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Posted:Jun 1, 2015 7:45 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:12 pm
94921 Views
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I was a bit introverted as a . Not the kind of girl that guys asked out or were even interested in really. I attended a small private school and the majority of the girls were - well girly.
I was not.
I was into sports and could hold my own if I had to.
So typical PE class I'm out on the field (I forget what sport we were playing) while all the other girls had notes from mommy because they broke a nail and were sitting on the bleachers. Did I mention it was a bit of a snobby school?
So I'm maybe one of 3 girls on the field and we're surrounded by all the guys. Teams are chosen and people were shuffling position to match up with their team. And there is Sean in the middle of it all.
Sean wasn't a particularly good looking guy - really. Relatively nice but in general a jock. And in pure jockville - what does he do? Takes off his shirt.
No I didn't stare! Really!
I just kinda.. spaced out while looking in his direction. 
But he caught me. And the show began. "What's the matter Cricket - never seen a man without a shirt on before? Can't stop staring?" That was the nice stuff. He just started spouting more and more crap to make his buddies all laugh. I had nothing - no retort, no quick wit, nothing. I just stood there embarrassed all to hell and staring at the ground (might have still been staring at his chest, I don't remember). Waiting for coach to PLEASE call the game to start so the focus could move elsewhere.
Funny thing is, now - nearly 30 years later if I were caught staring at a guys bare chest (or my personal weakness - bare abs), it would not be embarrassing to me if I were to be picked on for it. I'd be laughing too and yeah, I'd have some comeback for sure.
I bitch all the time about how I hate to be the adult; about how sometimes I'd like to do away with responsibility, good decision making and good behavior. But I didn't like being that girl back then, and I would never want to go back to it. I like how we've all grown up How we've migrated into beings that are (for the most part) comfortable in our bodies and our personalities.
I mean tell me - if you caught me staring into space in your direction - wouldn't you take it as a compliment? C'mon let's try. I need to sharpen my wit!
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Diversions are just not enough maybe?
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Posted:May 30, 2015 9:02 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:13 pm
95461 Views
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So the events from my last blog kinda served as a wake-up call. A reminder of who I am - or rather - was. Armed with this renewed vigor I went to Vegas.
YUP - VEGAS!!
I hadn't been there since my mid-20's and at that time I had no money. But this time - I went with family. I just so happened to be there when an old high school friend was there too. He and I dated back then - he even took me to the prom but that was about the extent of it at the time.
Now he's married with two , runs his own small business and is all over social media. His sense of humor has only sharpened and he still has comedic timing.
But there wasn't anything there for me. No spark, no interest.
Of course there was for him. He was politely pushing the entire time we hung out. Sometime being very direct. It didn't bother me. I'm very good a diversionary tactics. I took it as quite a compliment.
But I don't do married men. Really. And though he respected that he still pushed. He's not happy in his marriage and very big on phone sex. He wants at least that much from me but I still am declining.
The truth is I'm just not into him. Simple as that.
I guess I'm just greedy for the compliment maybe? I can't be honest about my disinterest. I guess I'm afraid to make him think less of himself or be disappointed in me? Or worse - change anything about himself in hopes that it would spark my interest. So I keep saying no, I keep diverting his comments or leading questions and I do my best to make sure he doesn't think there's hope.
But tell me, what on earth should I be doing differently? If you were the one pursuing what would it take for you to stop without costing the friendship?
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Blue eyes and bluer days ahead
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Posted:May 27, 2015 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2017 7:15 pm
95032 Views
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Been sexually dormant for years. Mostly my own doing and I'll explain later but how dormancy was broken is what this is really about.
Quite typical actually -
Company party + alcohol + me in a short dress and heeled boots + way too much alcohol = secret confessions between myself and a co-worker. Of course because I have no patience I didn't wait to see if the same conversations and disclosures would happen when we were sober and so I pushed and made it real difficult for him to say no to me. So to my house we ended up.
AND DAMN IT WAS HOT!!
I mean passionate, hands everywhere and incredible kissing and well, just wow. This is months ago and I'm still panting. It wasn't perfect and I really wanted to go again when we were sober but he had second thoughts. His signals confused me for quite a while but a few weeks later I pushed him into being clear. Conclusion was as expected - we work together so our fun was done. I was disappointed but understood. He's only 28 after all, he probably wasn't impressed by my 45 years anyway.
Since then we have been flirting very quietly. Brush pasts, making excuses to see each other around the building and always long, deep eye contact. I toyed with him by sucking on lollipops and he toyed with me in ways I'm not going into. Every look in those eyes held such possibilities and I'd begun to think we could have some more fun - that his concerns had been put to rest. My are going away for a while shortly and I was hoping that would be our window.
But then something happened. Friday he announced he has to move away - back to his home in the mid-west. Family issues required him to be there and though it was screwing his life up he had to go.
Today was his last day and it was not easy to see him go. He held me for a long time before he left to say goodbye to everyone else but we could not look each other in the eye.
If I were in love with the guy I could say my heart was broken but what do you say when you are in lust and this happens? My libido is broken? There must be a term for this but damn I'm really gonna miss those eyes every day....
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To link to this blog (wittywoman) use [blog wittywoman] in your messages.
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